LadySmith

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Talk about exaperating!!!! Lost insurance, now on medicaid. Tomorrow I start all over yet again. Its been over a decade I've been trying to get surgery...

Hey there all. One step at a time right? Well hubby ended up in the hospital with cardiac symptoms, but all turned out well there. He had a cardiac cath and found out it isnt his heart, which is good cuz at least we know what it isnt!!!
On the day he was admitted though, I got into an accident and a pedestrian was killed. KILLED!!!?!!! Yeah, it blew me away too. I'd never been on that side of such a situation.....quite a tough pill to swallow. No, there are no criminal charges but it seems the family isn't happy with that....they seem to have less than honorable intentions. There is nothing I can do about any of that so....
Next week I will start my insurance search to get my bariatric surgery done....hopefully the new insurance won't make me jump thru hoops and go insane...hugs ya'll!

Ok. I'm sitting in my home in milton drinking a hot cup of cinnamon tea and watching V on my DVR.
Just to update, alot of things have changed. Some good, some even better, some totally awesome and of course there are those things that only got worse.
So to start with the good, my husband, son and I are doing phenominally!!! We are very happy that we are all together again. Yes, the seperation had to take place for the good that came out of it to occur but I'm glad its over!
Now I do miss my father, especially during this time. Yesterday was the first anniversary of my mother's death and my father was home alone for it. I truely wished I could have been there with him but we talked on the phone for a bit and it was wonderful to just be able to do that for him. True living with my father can be hard at times, but I miss and love him very much.
My son is awesome, doing super well in school and he even started karate. Very cool!!! Its giving him exercise and socialization. He has friends, goes for walks with the neighbors, even plays with the dogs like he used too! Its good to see him sooooo happy again!!
So that makes me the bad and ugly part of this. I'll try to make this long story short. I noticed a spot on my arm in Jan. I thought it was ringworm. Only problem was it didn't heal well, despite treatment. So I went to a doc, prescription meds didnt mend it either. I ended up at an infectious diseases' doc office. Turns out I have a systemic/bloodborn fungal infection. The good news doesnt stop there. Additional symptoms add up to possible cancer. CANCER!!!! OMG!!!! I'm looking at it being the type of cancer that killed my mother and almost to the day of her death. Ironic huh?
I'm under treatment for the fungal thing and hopefully it will cure the symptoms and the cancer will only have been an unnecessary scare. Prayers are welcome.
Other than that, the worse thing we have to deal with are financial issues which everyone seems to be fighting with these days. Its a struggle to keep the emotions linked with financial problems seperate from marital/family issues.
On the brighter side. Its possible that our new insurance may cover gastric bypass surgery!!! Yes its possible!!!!! WOOO HOOO!!!!

Ok, so its official, my son and I are moving back up to pensacola during spring break. We all very excited and really nervous at the same time. Every day I feel a bit stronger and then I turn on the tv and something stupid saps my strength. Things like the tv series Bones. On an episode they were talking about a fetish group called "eaters and feeders." As you can imagine just from the name, it didn't paint anyone overweight in a positive light. Very disheartening. I mean I understand, and moreover realize, that the majority still judge and yes, judge anyone over weight as a disgustingly filthy overeater. That we have no self respect, self control. Hate ourselves, don't have friends, aren't ever well adjusted, functioning or sucessfull ppl (of course this only scratches the surface of what ppl think) and its all because we're fat. Ugh!
I hate the stereotypes, the ignorance, the cruelty of it. It can be so, well, disheartening especially on days like today where I've already slipped up on my diet and didnt exercise and feel under the weather as it is. So what do I do? Give myself leeway for having a bad day and being human or do I degrade and tear myself apart? You figure it out.
On a more positive note though, I have learned alot of things about myself andthe way I feel. Its a program about overcoming anxiety and depression CD/DVD by lucinda bassett of the Midwest Center. Anyway, google it and for those that need it, its a life saver! And those of you who know someone who does, please pass it on.
Alrighty then. After blabbering on, I actually feel a little better.
Oh yeah, I forgot. I havent gotten anywhere and dont think I will with DVR. The incompetence is obscene!!! So I got transfered to another counsler and well, after finding out the way this is all "worded" I dont think I have a prayer.
Disability was denied as was any and all government assistance for my son and I. But its pushed us in a new direction. Almost like God shuting one door and opening another.
I don't know but I do know its a daily fight to even get out of bed. To even stay positive and face another day.
How do all of you make it thru?

Well I found a surgeon who works with DVR, however; I got a call that I won't even be considered for weight loss for another YEAR because I'm on a waiting list. Another year?!!! What do they want?!!! I can't work. I've applied for disability. According to last nights' seminar with the surgeon's office, I've got EVERY comorbidity out there! And I still can't get anyone to pay for the surgery. My life reads like a "what will happen to you if you don't solve your problems with obesity early" book. No matter how active you are, no matter how many diets and pills and things you do, no matter what you are going to gain weight and your health is going to get worse. NO MATTER WHAT! Thats the story of my life. So, here I am, up against yet another dead end.
To make matters worse, my husband and I are falling further and further apart and I don't see any relief in sight. So I've lost my health, my career, my future and my marraige. All I have left is my son.
If there is a god, hopefully he is listening to my prayers....I'm dying here. If this keeps up I'll be an invalid by 40 and dead by 45.

Ok. Its been awhile since I posted and thats because we've been going thru such a hard time. I didn't have internet there for awhile. Anyway, I'm in ft lauderdale now and have been here since the begining of Oct. My husband and I split because he wasnt able to find enough work to support the family. We even lost our only vehicle. So my son and I are here in ft lauderdale with my father where there is stability for the meantime. Hubby did find a job which is great and things are looking up but its been a horribly hard struggle.
Now the earthquake in Haiti. I guess we should be happy that we are alive. I mean it certainly puts things in perspective.
As regards my surgery, well that is on hold permanently. My husband's new health insurance start next month but they have an exception clause specifically about refusal of weight loss surgery. The catch is that if the president's legislation is approved than my surgery being medically necessary, the insurance would HAVE TO pay for it. I don't know about all that, it seems you have to be an attorney to get insurances to do the right thing.
On another front, my health has improved since I moved down here to south fla and I'm working with the fl department of vocational rehab which is a subdivision of the fl department of education to get the surgery and get me back into college to give me an oppurtunity to get back on me feet. Literally!!!!
Hopefully something will come thru and I'll get this surgery done and start my living again instead of just surviving!!!!!
If anyone knows of a surgeon who accepts DVR, please, please contact me asap!!!!!
Thank you and may you all find fulfillment in your dreams, needs and desires for 2010!!!!

Well, what a nightmare we've been through. My husband lost his job so now we're facing COBRA. But who can afford that?! I'm hoping with all the Obama has enacted maybe we will be able too. Its been a devistating blow to us as a family and as ppl. It almost tore our family apart-meaning if there was anymore financial failure then my son and I would be moving to ft lauderdale and my husband would be left to basically sell off everything in the house then he is on his own. Not that I havent found ppl who are willing to take him in so that he can re-establish our family but that wasnt the issue.
As God has answered our prayers, jobs have come thru, we even sold one of our cars. Though things are straightened out yet, they are alot better than they've been since Sept 1st.

Ok. it may not be something new to everyone but it is to me. I'm feeling significantly different but in a good way. I'm still stuck at home and very limited but I feel a bit stronger, emotionally I guess. I'm finally getting all my doctors to take care of me and figure out whats going on. I'm still in the bariatric sugery count down-as a matter of fact I've got an appointment on friday with Dr. H. But I just wanted to say I'm feeling something different in me and I like it. As a matter of fact, I'd like it to get stronger but I've got to find out where its coming from.
I've been doing my water aerobics as much as possible, which means twice one week or 4 times another. I'm also watching everything I eat and eating much smaller amounts. I don't see any physical different, my clothes dont even fit better but I'm feeling better.
Pain is still a BIG downer but I'm managing with medication and my pain doc is awesome! She is totally realistic and in tune to me. She is a great lady.
So, I'm totally open to comments or questions or even just a note from anyone about how they've felt thru this process.
My family life is great. I know my hubby and son love me with all their hearts. Financially we're struggling-but then again, who isn't?! Distant family is ok, I mean I adore my Dad and he is opening up to me-we've developing a relationship that was never possible while my mother was alive. But the downer is my sister, her life and her alcoholic, abusive, neglectful, lazy, selfish and violent husband who is nothing more than a leach. Which is amazing that my sister hooked up with a leach, being one herself......they've taken advantage of my father's loving, kind and giving nature and moved in with him, basically to leach off him. Its revolting.
Ok, I digress but its such a horrid situation and I've got no way of saving my father from her. It sucks!
Beyond that, life here really is good.I want to capture this feeling and help it to find wings. I dont want it to go away........

OK, so we aren't that far in the process, God, I wish I could say we were nearing the end. But we are in month 2/9 of the insurance required diet. Once all is said and done, I'm sure this whole process will take over a year, and I've been diligently in search of it since 2000, talk about dedication! Or stubbornness (guess it just depends on your point of view).
I've been lucky to meet a few of the ladies on here who've had Dr Lord as their surgeons and they've all been really cool. Totally different from each other but fun nonetheless. My health hasn't improved at all, not even while I'm spending up to two hours at the gym every day possible. Extra careful with my diet but I might as well be eating bon bons and cupcakes cause nothing I do is even dropping a lb let alone an inch. Its quite depressing but I'm in this for the long haul, so I'm not giving up.
I've even started seeing a therapist to help me thru this. I hate having lost so much of my abilities, I mean I'm not exactly a thriving member of society. Nor do I see myself becoming one till after this surgery. I do get a bit jealous to see all the ladies doing so well, actually is a combination of pride and jealousy cause they are so happy and healthy. I just want to be one of them.
Alright, off I should go, back to doing what little housework I can, which is basically supervising my kid doing what I wish I could be doing. Take care all of you.

Alright, last night I went to Dr. Lord's seminar. Even though I've been to several of such seminars since 2000, I have to admit, I learned something new last night and enjoyed myself in the process! Hubby and son went with me. My son was just precious when he told me he didn't want me to have the surgery because he thought I was beautiful just the way I was and that I didn't need to loose any weight. Goodness! So I had to make it clear to him that I wasn't having this done because I wanted to be skinny but rather for my health. Tough one to explain to a ten year old.
Hubby was extremely supportive. He has been suffering thru this with me. Every time he sees me in tears because I'm in pain or can't do something or one of the many, many things that happen to me on a daily basis, you can see that he too is struggling with it. I thank God for him (most days).
Anyway, I wanted to let any potential patients know that even though Dr Lord has a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor, he is a very qualified and apt professional. Putting your life in his hands is a wise decision. His staff is friendly but his program director may come across as short tempered but she isn't. Its just the way she talks. Regardless, the seminar is to the point and yet is filled with information you need for surgery, handling the insurance battles, dealing with co-morbidity's and other doctors and even how to co-ordinate your care with your primary doc and any/all specialist you will or already deal with. They are great and that's just my first impression!! I'll keep you updated and feel free to ask me any questions!
BTW, I had a few of Dr Lord's patients come up to me after the seminar to encourage me-of their own accord! How fantastic is that?!!!