ladywolfsong
starting over again...
Sep 22, 2012
So. After some back and forth, Dartmouth-Hitchcock refused to do WLS on me. I was in the hospital once...I think it was last August or something, I don't remember...but the team decided that I am too emotionally unstable for WLS. Ha. They said if I could stay out of the psych hospital for 2 years minimum they would reassess my stability and think about it then. That isn't likely to happen anytime soon. I have had 3 or 4 hospitalizations since they rejected me, the most recent one being August of this year. I was told twice this year, by 2 different hospitals, that they couldn't help me...that meds are not the answer for me...that I need to work on my PTSD and some skills training to handle it. OK. Fine. I don't go back to the hospital. I am not getting everything I need from therapy at this point. But that is another issue for another day.
After giving up for a year, I am back to fighting. I am fluctuating right around my highest weight ever even though I have made several dietary changes. My highest weight recorded is 293, when I weighed myself last week it was 291. I have been afraid to get on the scale since then. Dartmouth won't take me. Fine. My psychiatrist and therapist were willing to fight for me to get the surgery. They have known me for about 5 years. They would know whether I can handle this better than someone looking at some statistics. I think Dartmouth is afraid I will fail and more than worried about me, they are worried about their record and percentage of successes. But I decided not to push them into something they were very vocal about not wanting to do. I was actually afraid it could compromise my care, working with people who didn't want to work with me.
Well, now I am investigating working with Fletcher Allen. The Bariatric program is located in Williston VT, which is an hour and a half from here. If they accepted me, it would mean a lot of long trips back and forth, several times a month for awhile. I would ideally want to move closer if it worked out....Montpelier, for example, would put us only 25 minutes away. I don't know. But I will put my application in the mail on Monday and cross my fingers, hold my beath, pray....
1 comment
After giving up for a year, I am back to fighting. I am fluctuating right around my highest weight ever even though I have made several dietary changes. My highest weight recorded is 293, when I weighed myself last week it was 291. I have been afraid to get on the scale since then. Dartmouth won't take me. Fine. My psychiatrist and therapist were willing to fight for me to get the surgery. They have known me for about 5 years. They would know whether I can handle this better than someone looking at some statistics. I think Dartmouth is afraid I will fail and more than worried about me, they are worried about their record and percentage of successes. But I decided not to push them into something they were very vocal about not wanting to do. I was actually afraid it could compromise my care, working with people who didn't want to work with me.
Well, now I am investigating working with Fletcher Allen. The Bariatric program is located in Williston VT, which is an hour and a half from here. If they accepted me, it would mean a lot of long trips back and forth, several times a month for awhile. I would ideally want to move closer if it worked out....Montpelier, for example, would put us only 25 minutes away. I don't know. But I will put my application in the mail on Monday and cross my fingers, hold my beath, pray....
update time
Jun 09, 2011
I have been a bit stressed the last couple days...but then I think, really, when am I not? I'm always worrying about something....money (or lack thereof), my health, the health and wellbeing of those I love...I don't know how to just relax and let go. Sometimes it happens for awhile and I'm just HAPPY, but mostly there's always some worry nagging, some level of unrest.
I am stressing over my weight loss surgery at the moment....after everything I've invested in it, emotionally and financially so far, they are going to "discuss" me at team meeting on June 28th due to my past mental health history. I've been hospitalization-free for over 2 1/2 years, something that never happened before (I think my prior record was like 14 months). Don't hold my past against me please! I am more stable than I think I've ever been in my life (though still far from perfect I know). I am so worried they will refuse to do the surgery on me.
In wonderful news, Mikayla is moving back to Vermont from Florida. I am so happy! I'm going to have to ask her father for help with groceries for her though I think. We are COMPLETELY broke for the month, literally. I wasn't worried because she wasn't due up here until the end of June, but now she will be up here the day after tomorrow. Yay for seeing her sooner, not so yay for my stress over what to feed her.
I saw my nutritionist (actually a dietician I guess) for the 2nd time the day before yesterday. She's ok. Pushing me to change my sleep schedule because it will change my eating habits is not true and not going to happen anytime soon. She was pleased I've lost 3 pounds since last month. I'm not thrilled because I had lost 10 but gained 7 back. I had switched to diet soda, then I've cut most of that out (a miracle in itself, but I know I can't have the carbonation after my surgery because it will stretch my pouch and defeat the purpose!) I have also cut way down on ice cream. I switched to sugar free, half the fat with that, so I would still be eating it for awhile if I could....that's a simple matter of not being able to afford it.
We got our van, Serenity, an oil change yesterday, which she sorely needed.....last time it was done apparently was almost 12,000 miles ago...we've only had her a couple months so it wasn't us who drove her about dry. We blew a headlight a couple days ago too so we got new ones and Mike put them both in. It's another $68.00 we could have used elsewhere between the oil change and the headlights, but both had to be done.
I saw my rheumatologist today....it was a follow up on my joint pain issues, which have been managed really well with Relafen except for my hips, which are actually popping in and out a couple times a night at this point. But the Relafen will have to be changed if I do have the WLS, because you can't take NSAIDs afterwards. Just something else for me to worry about, it's been a couple months but I can still remember what it feels like to have every joint in your body burning, right down to fingers and toes. At any rate, he said I also have bursitis in both my hips and referred me for physical therapy, and I will have to have cortizone shots in my hips if the PT doesn't help.
0 comments
I am stressing over my weight loss surgery at the moment....after everything I've invested in it, emotionally and financially so far, they are going to "discuss" me at team meeting on June 28th due to my past mental health history. I've been hospitalization-free for over 2 1/2 years, something that never happened before (I think my prior record was like 14 months). Don't hold my past against me please! I am more stable than I think I've ever been in my life (though still far from perfect I know). I am so worried they will refuse to do the surgery on me.
In wonderful news, Mikayla is moving back to Vermont from Florida. I am so happy! I'm going to have to ask her father for help with groceries for her though I think. We are COMPLETELY broke for the month, literally. I wasn't worried because she wasn't due up here until the end of June, but now she will be up here the day after tomorrow. Yay for seeing her sooner, not so yay for my stress over what to feed her.
I saw my nutritionist (actually a dietician I guess) for the 2nd time the day before yesterday. She's ok. Pushing me to change my sleep schedule because it will change my eating habits is not true and not going to happen anytime soon. She was pleased I've lost 3 pounds since last month. I'm not thrilled because I had lost 10 but gained 7 back. I had switched to diet soda, then I've cut most of that out (a miracle in itself, but I know I can't have the carbonation after my surgery because it will stretch my pouch and defeat the purpose!) I have also cut way down on ice cream. I switched to sugar free, half the fat with that, so I would still be eating it for awhile if I could....that's a simple matter of not being able to afford it.
We got our van, Serenity, an oil change yesterday, which she sorely needed.....last time it was done apparently was almost 12,000 miles ago...we've only had her a couple months so it wasn't us who drove her about dry. We blew a headlight a couple days ago too so we got new ones and Mike put them both in. It's another $68.00 we could have used elsewhere between the oil change and the headlights, but both had to be done.
I saw my rheumatologist today....it was a follow up on my joint pain issues, which have been managed really well with Relafen except for my hips, which are actually popping in and out a couple times a night at this point. But the Relafen will have to be changed if I do have the WLS, because you can't take NSAIDs afterwards. Just something else for me to worry about, it's been a couple months but I can still remember what it feels like to have every joint in your body burning, right down to fingers and toes. At any rate, he said I also have bursitis in both my hips and referred me for physical therapy, and I will have to have cortizone shots in my hips if the PT doesn't help.
happy...
Apr 23, 2011
My 15 year old daughter Mikayla is here from Florida for a couple days....I'm SO happy! I have missed her so much.
4 comments
