My journey...

Oct 05, 2009

 November 2003 I have struggled with my weight for 22 yrs, after first baby. I have dieted to excess and am now paying the price - I have gained so much more than if I had let it come off naturally after each pregnancy.    My family has been great during my decision making process. They say "do whatever will make you happy. We support your decicion, either way." It has not been one made in haste. I am not thrilled with having the surgery itself. But I know that if all goes well, it will change my life.    Since I was 19 years old, I have felt trapped in a cage. This is not me. I am not fat - my body is. I have always thought of myself as put together. I take care of my skin, nails, have my hair done, like to dress chic. When I look at pictures of myself I can't believe that's me. Then, invariably, someone says "it's not a bad picture, it looks just like you." And then, inside, I come completely unglued.    This has been an interesting process, so far. Scary and exciting. I just wish it was a year from now already! I am not worried about the eating part of it at all. I know how I should eat. The part that scares me is the emotional release that eating provides. I will need to be extremely vigilant and watch for the triggers. I think this group will help alot.    I worry sometimes about my family's reaction as I start to loose. As my daughter said "I haven't known you any other way." She is so excited about this, but apprehensive too. I told them that, yes I will change - my personality too - but only for the better. I remember being happy - I can't wait to feel that again!!    

Feb 23, 04 Just a quick note.....it's Monday night and only 4 days until surgery. Nerves - more like butterflies, really - are here to stay! I can't wait until it is over. Looking forward with great anticipation to a new me. (Found out on Friday that I am diabetic. Didn't know that. It was a little unnerving, but served to bolster my resolve that this is a good idea.    Morning of surgery (353 pounds)    

March 25, 04 Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since surgery and I have lost 24 pounds. Not bad, I'd say. Everything has been going pretty good. The only problems have been a few days with diareaha, but added fiber cereal the last two days and that seems to be helping. I can now add more and more solid food to my diet and will keep you posted how that goes. Have definatley lost inches (though I didn't measure before) I have been really noticing with my clothes. So far so good.     1 month out -24    

April 27, 2004 2 months out now, time is going pretty quickly. I am down 43 pounds and it is really steady. I had a stricture at 5 1/2 weeks and that was horrible. Went two days with nothing to eat and maybe 2 glasses of liquid - total. Constant vomiting and nausea. Had it fixed - not pleasant, but tolerable - and immediately felt 100% again. I am eating just about anything I want - lots of protein, try to keep carbs around 25 grams/day, but so far everything is sitting well. Avacados and cashews are my favs right now. I have upped my calories to around 800/day and that seemed to make the loss more predictable. I even have sugar-free chocolate almost every night!! I will not be deprived!! My clothes are definately getting huge. People are starting to notice the inches and it is nice to hear supportive comments.  I feel better than I have for years and that alone is worth EVERYTHING.   

June 24, 04   Ooops!! Forgot to update last month. Not quite yet 4 months and have lost 69 and 1/2 pounds. Not too bad, but seem to be holding at this for the last few days. Up and down a half a pound or so. Very frustrating, cause I wanted to be at least -70 by 4 months. Oh, well, I still have 3 more days!!   I am very excited about my new shape. I have started wearing sleeveless shirts and tighter pants. HIGH HEELS AGAIN!!! My underwear is getting pretty baggy, too!! My family and friends are sooo excited for me. I feel fantastic. My BP is averaging 128/75. I can not believe it. Even on meds, it was upwards of 170/95. I have alot more energy - don't think twice about jumping out of my chair to do something. My house has remained cleaned (instead of doing it once every six months, and only if company was coming!). I am working more hours - still part time - but hey, it's more hours.    I am having no problems at all, except hair loss. It started about a month ago, and I loose alot, everyday. I have been through this before - mostly after pregnancy - but it is still upsetting. I have always had thick and pretty hair. I hope since it started early, it ends just as quick. As far as eating goes - the sky's the limit. I really haven't found anything that doesn't sit well. I LOVE LOVE LOVE salads and can eat at least two cups of it. I usually put alot of eggs and cheese, olives and tomatoes on it, regular dressing, too. I am a vegetarian, so I eat alot of cottage cheese and meat substitues. These need to be the moister varieties, but usually have them with avacado or cheese melted on top. I still have a protein shake every morning (23-33 grams of protein) and the rest of the day I get in a total of 75-100 grams. My calories do need to be increased to around 950, but I find it sooooo hard. My mind just doesn't connect eating more calories with loosing more weight. (All those years of "advice" from Jenny Craig, Diet Center, Nutrisystems, a quack of a diet Dr. and who knows what else.... are almost impossible to ignore.)   I am drinking tons of water. For the first couple months, it was just nauseating. But now I can drink 16 oz in a half hour. I still do retain water and at work (sitting at my desk) and in the hot weather, it gets worse.    My husband got me one of those old-fashioned style bikes, which I love, and we are committed to riding as much as possible. I REALLY hate most kinds of excerise, but this is fun!  I am looking forward to the next two months. I hope to be down 100 pounds by the first of September. I'll let ya know how it goes!!   June 27, 04 4 months today and this morning down 70!!!Yea! However the next few days I went back up a pound and stayed there for a week - the body is a frustrating thing!  

July 27,04 5 months today and I have lost 84 pounds. I had wanted to be down 85 by 5 months, but this'll do!! My next goal is to hit 100 by the third of September. I am giving myself an extra week, cause that is my 6 month check-up. Everything is going just fine. I saw a friend that had not seen me since this started and she was completely floored. I ended up emptying my closet and giving her almost all of my old clothes. (She is on Jenny Craig.) I was the same size for at least 4 years so didn't have a lot of different sizes on hand, and now I am down to two pair of pants!! What a delicious dilemma!!   My eating plan is about the same, maybe trying to add a few more calories here and there. I am still very good about water and vitamins and protein. I'll just start to wonder if my pouch is still working, cause foods sit well - and then BOOM!! - I eat too fast or it is too dry and watch out!! Pouch on duty! It really does keep you on your toes.    My favorite foods currently are Susan Maria's Vanilla Custard and icy cold EAS AdvantEdge shakes. Keep them in your fridge for a quick protein hit (100 cal, 15grm protein). I have always been hot and this summer it has been brutal in the Northwest. I can not imagine what I would have gone through with 85 pounds of blubber still on. (What am I saying, yes I can. I used to DIE!!) Life is getting better by the day. Only half way done, but that is better than just getting started.    Sept 2, 04 Six months a couple days ago. Today was my check-up with Doc and I am down 101 pounds according to his scale (100 by mine)!! YEA! YEA! I am so thrilled, I can hardly stand it. I never thought I would ever loose 100 pounds, much less in six months. It feels incredible. The inches, these last couple of weeks, are melting off. I am starting to wear higher high heals, tighter shirts, more accessories - I just feel soooo much better about myself.    (My hair loss has been substantial and devastating at times - to me. I can really tell that I have lost alot. However, it never got to where I was having bald spots - VERY THIN - but still covering. Now, in the last few days, it seems to be slowing down. I do take vitamins, calcium and lots of protein - if that counts for anything. Personally, I think it is simply the shock from surgery and the drastic, massive weight loss that makes it fall out. Not much you can do, except not have WLS. Considering the options - I'll take thin (body and hair!!!) anyday.)   I know that I have a long way to go. I have a realistic goal of weighing 180. That is about 73 more lbs to go. Before WLS I would have never dreamed that it was possible. Now I really DO think it is possible - and maybe going down even further. Honestly, though, if my loss stopped right now - with the way I feel my health has improved - I would be fine. This is already beyond what I ever imagined. Last year at this time I was recovering from a hysterectomy (Aug 20, 03). I was so sick the whole previous year, I didn't think I could go on, and SERIOUSLY was afraid of dying. I was bleeding to death - my blood count would go down 11 points from one day to the next. I couldn't work, shop, keep house, cook. I could hardly walk to the bathroom. Finally found a Doc who wasn't afraid of the "H" word and had me in surgery before I knew what was happening. That was the best thing - ever. I started to feel like a normal person again. I had so much more energy. All of a sudden, I wanted to LIVE!! That is really what pushed me towards WLS. If gastric bypass did even half of what it was supposed to - sign me up!!   Well, it HAS done half of what it is supposed to. Now I can't wait for the other half!!   To all those researching, waiting, thinking, debating or deciding....follow your heart. You, and only you can make this decision. It is not one to be taken lightly. But if you do go through with it - stay connected to this board. There is invaluable information on it. Learn from other's experiences and  if you have a concern: ASK, ASK, ASK. There is no such thing as a stupid, dumb or embarrassing question - especially to the person who really needs the answer.   Anyway....on to the second six months. I'll keep you posted!!    

Sept 30, 2004   7 months under my belt!!    Things have slowed down this month - alot. But, I know that I am loosing inches. My husband will come home and say "you are smaller tonight then you were this morning!" I tend to believe him, cause I can sure feel it in my clothes.    This has been a busy month, and everything is going well. All foods are fine for me. Sometimes my pouch fills very fast and sometimes I think I could eat forever. I don't though. I realize that my former problem was overeating - (I can't remember feeling TRUE hunger, ever.) I would eat massive amounts of food. Now there are groceries that stay in the cupboard for weeks. Nobody eats them and it's the same things I was buying pre-WLS. I always though my family ate all this stuff, too. Well...NOT!! At least not in the quantities that I did.   Now I measure everything I put into my mouth. I KNOW that I could easily slip back into that behavior. Never again will I be able to become lax about how much I eat. If I don't want to regain, and gain, and gain some more. Now I have a food journal - and I use it EVERYDAY - no matter what. I chart my protein and calories and when my calories are used for that day....I AM DONE. This is the only way I know how to keep control. 'Cause food sits well with my pouch, nothing makes me sick (except sugar and too much fats,I do dump), I do feel hunger, and the thought of food is pleasant. So.....I need to be careful and diligent.   This is such an exciting journey, tho. The benefits, both physically and emotionaly are vast. I feel so much better about myself and my health has improved greatly. I only wish I had done it sooner. I try not to think of the past 20-some years as wasted, 'cause they weren't. I have a beautiful family and have learned some valuable life lessons. But, from a happiness, self-loving, contented-to-be-me standpoint - it could have been better.   Anyway - on towards the next 20, and, God willing, then some!! These will be more appreciated and I will never take my health for granted, again.    

October 2004 Ooops - forgot to update at 8 months.  

November 27, 2004   Wow - 9 months gone!! It's been exactly a year since my first consulation with Dr. Lauter. I am now down 130 pounds - wooohooo!! I am so excited - I feel so much better and look sooooo much better.   I had commented earlier that I didn't have any pictures of me at my heaviest. Well.......I forgot about the ones taken at my son's wedding in January 2004. These are the worst of the worst. I really was in denial about how HUGE I had become. But looking at the pictures just brings it all back. AND I DON'T LIKE TO THINK THAT THAT IS WHAT PEOPLE SAW. I can't believe I let myself get that unhealthy and big. Okay, I'll say the word...FAT. (I never described myself with that word, even in my mind. It was a word that hurt, even when I was talking to myself.) I will try to get these on my profile soon. Though I cringe when I look at them, I need to keep it ever present - 'cause I ain't goin' back!!   I hope that they will help someone else who is struggling with the decision to have this surgery. I know that I love to look at everybody's before and afters, just to get some good old inspiration!   We had our 25th wedding anniversay this past week. I can't believe it's been that long. People who have been married 25 years are OLD!! I'm only 43! We went to all the places we used to go when we first met and let me tell you - we had a revelation: OUR LIFE REVOLVED AROUND FOOD!! Egads...the amount we used to eat! We did go to the bakery where we got our wedding cake and picked up a little tiny one and celebrated with our kids. But overall the weekend was a "dieting" success. We realized that we can have alot of fun and not kill ourselves with food.   Anyway.....Thanksgiving is behind us and that was no problem. I made Susan Maria's Pecan Pie - which was to die for - and my family loved it. My mom and brother actually prefer it to the full sugar one, cause it didn't leave you with that sugar over-load and blah feeling. It was superb! I was able to eat the meal (about a cup in volume) - a taste of everything. And for once I didn't come away from the table vowing to never eat again! It was such a liberating feeling to know that I indulged in a great meal (it has ALWAYS been my favorite) and still no guilt. Just wonderful!! I am looking forward to Christmas with no concerns, at all.    ***Our holiday was saddened, though, by the loss of our dear and beloved kitty, Milo. He died the night before Thanksgiving - hopefully peacefully - we found him lying on the front porch with no apparent wounds or trauma. He was 13 years old and we will miss him terribly. It is so amazing to me how much grief can accompany the loss of a pet. But I have always become so attached to mine. They become a loving and vital part of your family - you no longer think of them as animals. Especially when you KNOW that they love you unconditionally and they really do have all the emotions that everyone else has - fear, anger, love, sadness, excitement, humor!! And when you have a pet for so long, you expect them to just be there. I miss his presence.***   I am so excited about the next few months. I know that my goal is in sight. Even if I stopped loosing now, I would be so grateful for the changes that have occured so far. For once - in a looooong time - I don't dread it when someone pulls out their camera. I am not constantly pulling my shirt down, trying to cover up my tummy (although I do have a "hangy" it is not bad. I will get it fixed as soon as I can and get on with my life!!) I don't worry about running into things with my hips or butt. I can sit and cross my legs. And everyone says I look so much taller!! That is just a hoot! It helps not to be as wide as you are tall! I have been told I look so much younger, too. YES!YES!YEA!WOWY KAPOWY! THIS IS JUST SO EXCITING!! I can hardly stand it!   My goal, right now, is to get to 180. That is alittle over 40 pounds to go. If it keeps coming off after that, then great, I'll take it, but 180 would be so fabulous. I haven't been that weight for 20-some years.    To all who are reading this - whether for inspiration or out of curiosity - this sugery has saved my life. I would have never been able to do this on my own. I proved that over and over again. I still have the same troubles, problems, worries and sadnesses that come with living life, but the one over-riding, ever-present, all-consuming, never-ending sitiuation that ruled my life, is slipping into the past - and I'll fight with my last ounce of strength to keep it there.  

December 27, 2004   10 months!! Woo-hoo! I have had a really slow month, losing-wise - only 8.6 pounds. But the inches really fell off. It was very frustrating at times, this is the first really long slow down that I have had and it wasn't even that long - three weeks. I can't imagine going for a couple months (knock on wood) and not loosing anything. I am now down to 215 - a 138 pound loss!! I am so excited; I have not been this weight for 20 years.    My holiday eating was great. Got to make all the super-yummy things that I always have and did taste alittle bit of everything, but was able to keep under control. I have started to cook/bake LESS amount, which is a big thing for me. I have always cooked way more than we need and who ended up eating most of the leftovers? ME.    I still (and always will) keep a journal of calories/protein. I am going to make it mandatory for myself. It just helps so much and takes the guess work out. The next two months are crunch time. I would love to go back to Doc for my year check-up with at least 150 pounds lost. That is only 12 more, but if this month is any indication, your body does what it darn well pleases! Anyway, not much more news - life is going on as usual. See you in January!!  

January 27, 2005   11 months today!! I am within a half of a pound to reach my goal to loose 150 in 12 months. Oh well, tomorrow morning will be soon enough!! I have been on a loosing streak this month and am not complaining. After November and December, I'll take it. Things are moving pretty fast in the inches department, too. It seems that I have really shrunk. It is really amazing - as you get closer to goal - how much of a difference a couple pounds can make.    I really would be happy to be 180 (203 right now), but to be in the normal BMI range, I need to get to 153. That would make exactly 200 pounds LOST!! That is just incomprehensible to me. How in the world could I have been that huge? But it's true, I have the pictures to prove it.    The only thing bothering me right now is the skin on my neck. People assure me that it is no big deal, that it is hardly noticable. But I can see it and when I pull it back I instantly loose 10 years! If I can only get two things fixed, it will be my tummy and my neck. Everything else is pretty well hidden!   Food-wise, everything is the same. Had a touch of the flu or virus, and everything made me nauseous. My pouch felt like it was brand new - could harldy eat 2 ounces. But it's better now and I can eat just about anything. I have been cooking so much more now than before my surgery (greater variety, I mean) and am having to give food away. We are down to 3 of us in the house, and one of us is not eating the massive quantities they were before! SOOOO many leftovers - so few people to stuff!   I am really looking forward to my anniversary. My goal is to have lost 160 pounds. Can't wait!!    

February 27, 2005   WOW WOW WOW!!! It's been a year? I can't believe it. Never in my life has a year gone so fast. When I started this, I thought it would take forever. The thought of being thin again was so abstract, I couldn't even imagine it. But here I am - not at my goal of -160 pounds, but have lost 157. That ain't too shabby! This last month has been very slow: only a 7 pound loss. But alot of people have commented on how much I have shrunk in the last 4 to 5 weeks. So, there you go....you DO loose inches when the pounds are crawling!   I have been struggling with exercise. I really don't like it, but I do have sooo much more energy, it is getting easier. The weather here has been nicer and we will get back out on our bikes. I have a treadmill and am sporadic about using that. Mostly it is walking outside, which is good, just need to do it more often. I want to tone as much as possible before plastic surgery - which is DEFINATELY in the future. I would go down at least two or three sizes without this hangy thingy. It is getting worse by the week. The rest of me is getting smaller, (my pants never fit in the legs or the bottom, because I have to fit my front in there!!) but it makes my tummy seem bigger. I know it is only me that it bothers, but my opinion is the one that counts!   My eating is very non-eventful. Every blue moon something will not agree with me, but I have been really lucky - nothing makes me sick. I do keep sugars (natural or otherwise) below 14 grams. I probably don't dump, but will NOT push it. I try to eat low-fat as the norm, but don't obsess about it. My goal is 80-100 grams of protein a day and to keep it below 1200 calories. I STILL journal - and always will. That is the only way to keep tabs on my food addiction. Just as an alcoholic must be ever mindful, I am recovering, and will be for the rest of my life.    I eat six times a day, and stick to a strict schedule (usually!): 7 am - Protein shake 11 am - 1/2 c plain yogurt with sf maple syrup and 1 c. high protein cereal 2 pm - a vegie burger or hot dog with ff cheese slice 5 pm - protein bar (my faves right now are power crunch, zone, detour, carbwatchers gold and avid) 7 pm - 1/4 c cottage cheese with soy crackers, OR egg salad, OR vegie meats and vegies or fruit (this is the meal that varies and is whatever high protein thing I can grab. Sometimes it is what I fix my family, sometimes, not.) 8 pm - Usually an EAS advantEdge shake. LOVE them! OR a treat like sf chocolate.   I am not perfect and somedays I eat way more than 1200 calories. Okay, not WAY more, but maybe 200 more. Sometimes I don't get all my protein in. But always all my water and vitamins/calcium.   I am so thrilled with my progress. Will see Doc in a week and am confident that my labs will be fine. I feel so much better than a year ago - there is just no comparison. I would do it again - I only wish I had done it YEARS ago.    Onward and upward (or DOWNward - hopefully 30 more pounds, at least)! Working on my second year as a post-op! I'll let ya' know how it goes.     

March 27, 2005   Thirteen months. WOW they are flying! I have continued to loose, although it is slowing WAAAYYY down. Seven pounds this month (7.5 last month). Oh, well. At least it is going the right direction.   I feel great, my labs are great and people say that I look great. So that is just...GREAT!!    Not much happening. I am still eating the same, trying to exercise more and all that good stuff. I have lost alot of inches the last month and am starting to notice big time. I have always NOTICED the weight-loss, but now that I am wearing a size large in tops and bottoms...WOWY!! I love it. I wore a skirt with pantyhose for the first time in several years. PANTYHOSE? Are you kidding? Putting those on prior to WLS was gauranteed to bring on super swollen ankels and rubbed-raw thighs. No thanks! Well, they were actually too big and kept sliding down my leg!! I have some pictures on webshots of that day - and I felt really pretty. Kinda like that feeling, to tell ya' the truth!   The school year is winding down and with that comes my daughter's graduation and the end of my current job. I work about 35 miles from home (by where she goes to a private high school) and we carpool. I really can't stand fighting the traffic and am so looking forward to a new work situation. It just feels like it is time to start EVERYTHING over, ya' know what I mean? Just purging all the past stuff and doing some new and exciting things. My husband and I are feeling the empty nest - middle kid is getting married in Sept.- and it feels real good!! Love the kids, but it's time!!   Anyway, I love this surgery (if you couldn't tell!). I am getting ready for reconstructive surgery in a few months. I really don't know what my goal weight should be. I feel pretty small now and still weigh 189. I would like, I guess, to get to 170 and then do plastics. That would be just fine by me. I have no interest in being even 150 (I'm 5'7") - I LOVE curvy curves. We'll see. I think it will stop when it stops, no?!   See you in another month....   -162    

April 27, 2005   14 months and counting. Lost 7.7 pounds this month. Seems to be a pattern here!! Oh, well, it's better than going up.    I am battling a tooth infection for the last couple weeks and finally went to the dentist to get it checked out. And, DUH!!..I wished I had not waited SO LONG!! They gave me antibiotics, Vicadin and an appointment to have it pulled next week. Luckily it is a wisdom tooth and won't affect anything. BUT....   and this is a BIG BUT....    I was not absorbing the capsule form of the antibiotic and for three days, nothing was happening - except - IT WAS GETTING MORE AND MORE WORSE!!! Finally, the hygenist said, "I bet you are not absorbing the meds, cause they just can't stay long enough in your innerds to melt!! Well...great if you can tolerate searing, stabbing, burning pain like you've never had before!!    Now, I had three babies without even an aspirin. Three major surgeries and wouldn't even open the pain pill bottles, migrains, a blood clot in my brain - (okay, that was slightly more pain than even my threshold could contain!!)...but you get the picture. I don't like taking pills and I can handle a lot of pain. NOT TOOTH PAIN!! I learned that fast.   It will be taken care of, though, and life will go on. Other than that I am doing great. Today (April 30) I am 10.7 pounds from my personal goal. 170 will do. I am already starting to feel a little gaunt and I love curves, so want to keep them. I am in a size 12 pants and an L top, (before plastics) so I am getting pretty thin. I'm 5'7" and I just like myself now. Ten more pounds, though, will make me feel like I accomplished what I set out to do. (And I will have lost MORE than I will weigh!!) I feel great and am loving life more and more every day.   

May 2005 15 months   Ooops! Forgot to update in May. Not much happened, apparently. I only lost a little over 5 pounds. Ho hum.  

June 2005 16 months   Well...I gues I should have not complained about the "only 5 pounds in May. This month was 3. But, I'll take it. It means that I am probably loosing inches (at least I'm telling myself this and trying to believe it!). I have almost reached my goal - although it keeps changing - of hitting 165 pounds. I could go on and loose an even 200 and hit 153, but, we'll see. Bottom line - I KNOW that I will not do anything different than I am right now, and if my body continues to loose - great. If not, then I guess I am done! Kind of a nice feeling, actually. I have never even been within anywhere near my goal in over 20 years. It is really hard to grasp that I have come this far. I weigh 173 right now and have lost more than that. No wonder I was so tired and out of breath.    I have been having a lot of dental work done. Getting around to taking my health - all of it - seriously. I have wanted to re-straighten my teeth (wisdom teeth came in when I was about 19 and screwed all my previous orthodontics up. Two pulled, two to go. Changed all my ancient silver fillings to white and they are so pretty. I can't even tell where they are.) I will be getting the Invisalign to straighten, then whiten the side ones and get 6 veneers in the top front. I am SOOOO excited. Should only take a year or so. I decided that I want to look the best I can, and I really have changed my whole attitude about not only feeling better physically, but looking better, too. It is just so much more fun, now!   Eating-wise, things are great. I have noticed a slight increase in how much I can eat, but I always try to stay within a certain calorie limit for the day. I am drinking alot water (or facsimile of the same) and getting lots of protein and vitamins. Been fighting the I-WANT-TO-EAT-JUST-BECAUSE demon a little, and that is aggrivating. It is challenging to come up with activities that will keep it at bay. So far no damage done.   Looks to be a busy summer and am looking forward to a 10 pound drop this month. I can dream, can't I?!    See you in July.  

July 2005 17 months   Just alittle late in updating (it's August 9!) but as of today, I have lost a total of 190 pounds. (Weigh 163) I NEVER thought that this would happen. I have passed my personal goal of weighing 175 by 12 pounds!!   I am doing everything the same. Except eating ALOT of watermelon. Actually, I don't think that's causing the sudden loss - I am in a cycle, now, of only loosing 1 week per month. The other three I fight a 2 pound water gain and then all of a sudden...loose again.   I will continue on, as I am now, and see what happens. I did make my daughter promise to tell me if I get to looking gaunt. I really don't want to get too low, but it is VERY addicting, seeing the pounds drop like that.    I am preparing to decide on a Plastic Surgeon, getting a consult, seeing what is what. I really only want my tummy done (who am I kidding, I want it all, but...) and would be happy if nothing else was "fixed". I feel so much better than a year and a half ago, that everything I have done, from here on out, is just an added blessing.   My daughter, Jessica, is having lap RYN on August 24 - the day after her 22nd birthday. (Dr. Lauter) She is very excited and nervous, too, but is so looking forward to feeling well, again.    This summer has been a busy one. I am painting almost the entire inside of my house, redecorating, deep cleaning. It is so much fun to see it come together, but what is just blowing my mind, is the fact that I am EVEN DOING IT, AT ALL!! I remember a time, in the near past, when emptying the dishwasher required a couple of sit-down-breaks. This is just amazing, to me, to be able to work - physical work - all day. And then get up and do it again the next. Not only that, but it is AUGUST, the hottest time of year here, and I am hot, yes, but not to the point of being actually ill. I can not believe the changes loosing almost 200 pounds makes.   

August 2005   Forgot to update in August. Too many projects around the house. This redecorating thing can really snowball - I started with one room and then couldn't stand the rest of the house....   Anyway...on to September.    

September 2005 (19 months)   I am within 1 pound of my ultimate goal of loosing 200 pounds and being "AT GOAL".   I was re-reading my profile and I have changed my goal several times - always to loosing more, just a little more, a few more pounds would be great!! I read where I was thrilled to be at 180 and now I am just around the corner from 150 and think that this would be a good place to stop. Finally. No...REALLY.    I am in a size 10 pants and Medium tops and feel like a million bucks. I am 8 pounds heavier than my daughter, who is 18 and georgeous. NEVER thought THAT would happen!! I have so much more energy than pre-op, it's not even comparable. I had NO energy, let's just put it that way, and now I have ALOT. I can't believe the things I have undertaken this summer - and finished - and I still want to do more. Just blows my mind how unhealthy I was.   I have been eating the same amounts - calories, protein, volume. Everything goes down great - an occassional yucky feeling, but hardly ever. Do drink flat - and I MEAN flat - pop with water added. I just love the taste, not really missing the bubbles, either. Iced tea, coffee (yes I DO have caffeinated, but drink so much other stuff during the day that it makes up for the diruretic effect) crystal light and plain water.    Love tofu, vegies and watermelon...oh, my. I won't even tell you how much watermelon I ate this summer! We went to Yakima in August and got boxes of nectarines to freeze, and I ate them - admittingly - more than I should have. Never had a problem, though. Pure heaven, if you ask me, is a perfect Nectarine!   My daughter Jessica had her surgery August 24. She lives with me and it has been great to be able to answer her questions and help her out. She is doing fabulous and is down 30 pounds in 5 weeks.   I am looking forward to a new year of healthy happiness! It is so nice to not obsess over my weight, anymore. Just to live life like a normal person and not be constantly self-conscious. To be able to buy clothes that are chic AND fit - to sit in a car, any car and put on the seat belt - to fit in a booth at a resturant - to cross my legs, wear pantyhose and HEELS (love my heels - LOVE them!), jeans, sweaters (and not sweat), skirts and pretty underthings ;). To not bump into things and knock them over - to not be out of breath - to not be tired, exhausted, pooped. TO NOT DIET. I will always keep track of what goes into my mouth, but I eat like a thin person, now. I refuse to DIET, ever, ever again.    Life is great, right now. I am excited to see what the future brings. God willing, next year at this time I can look back and be thankful for the choices I made, the people I met, the problems I faced, the joys that I shared, the tears that I shed, the fears that I lost and KNOW that I am the best I can be!!      October 2005 (20 months)   Wow.........at goal and 2 pounds below to boot! I'm thinking now that if I just got to 150 (3 pounds more) then I would have a couple to bounce around with and..........JUST KIDDING!! I really do need to stop! I am not doing anything different and I seem to have stabalized. Of course those 2 pounds of water weight drive me crazy. They just hang on and hang on. I am VERY sensitive to salt and even a little bit extra really packs on the water. I thought that this is something that would change, but....looks like I will have to deal with it for the duration. If it is only 2-3 pounds I can handle it, I guess. At least after about two weeks it goes back down.    I am feeling great and looking forward to having a consultation with a plastic surgeon. I would love to get everything finished and get on with my life. I have had the Invisalign Teeth Straightening System for 3 weeks now and I love it. It was a little awkward getting used to brushing my teeth after EVERYTHING that goes in. (Since I have been eating 5-6 times a day for two years - the challenge was to still get all my protein/calories in and not leave the trays out too long [you have to wear them 22 hours a day] and brush and floss and rinse and.....!!) But the results are going to be worth it and it will be done in about a year.   I am wearing a size 10 (depending on the style, an 8 works sometimes) and I never thought I would be able to put on my daughter's clothes and they would fit! I am smaller than I EVER conceived I could be. It is remarkable to have legs again! I hated my legs and now I can wear a little short(er) skirt and actually love the look! I can fit into boots, which I had a hard time getting around my calves. The only thing I don't like right now, is that in order to have pants fit in the tummy, they are too big in the thighs. I guess it just goes to show........we are never happy!!.   I am, though. I really like myself now and am just thrilled at my progress. I feel a thousand times better, health-wise, and emotionally?...forget about it...no comparison. I am a little scared about the future. I have never maintained any kind of weight loss and I do worry about that. I am taking one day at a time and correcting anything that needs attention IMMEDIATELY. In the past, a few pounds regained were "okay, I'll deal with it if I go up another 5". That kind of thinking is outta here. I can't afford that mind-set any longer. I must be ever on my toes and I hope in October 2006 I am right where I am now.    February 27, 2006 TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!   I am two years into my weight loss journey and I am so proud to say that I have lost 208 pounds and am 8 pounds below goal!    I cannot begin to express how grateful I am to my surgeon, my family, my friends, the wonderful support groups I attend and the helpful, informative, and encouraging people on this site. I only hope that I have been the same to those seeking advice.   I am pre-plastics, but am fairly happy with my size. I wear a size 6-8 in dresses, skirts and pants, size small in shirts, etc. Was a 30-32 pre-op!! My shoes size is still 10, but not wide anymore. My rings have gone from 10-11 to 7.    I am free from high-blood pressure and diabetes. I am off all medications. I no longer need my CPAP machine. I am sleeping well and am actually rested. I am able to run up and down the stairs and not even think about it. Can sit in the car with the seat up and not be anywhere close to the steering wheel. Can shop for hours (not necessarily a good thing!), clean house, mow the lawn, etc. and still have energy leftover. I hardly ever read anymore - which I miss - but it's because I have too many other things to do and don't have the time!! I used to read 2-3 books a week - couldn't get out of my chair to do anything else. I am cooking healthier meals, helping my family be aware of what THEY eat and looking forward to the future.    (I have developed a new addiction: PROTEIN POWDERS in every flavor imaginable, hot or cold, frothy or juicy, thin or thick.....doesn't matter I LOVE them all!) They are at the core of my maintainance plan and I will NEVER give them up. I am gearing up for the fight of my life - to stay where I am: THIN and HEALTHY.   Here's to the next two years and beyond!!   April 2006 (2 years, 2 months)   Time is going by so fast, now. I find myself busier and busier - but doing things that I wouldn't have had the energy to do before. Life is so much better than two years ago and I feel reborn.   I am in the maintaining phase, now. At least I presume I am. I have not lost any weight for 2 months and seem to have stabalized. My body has sort of "re-formed" too - just kind of redistributed things around. Hard to explain, but now I have a bit more bottom and my breasts are not flat anymore. They actually firmed up and don't look too bad!! (For awhile, there, it was touch and go. Mostly GO!)    I am struggling with being very sensitive to sodium and fighting the water weight CONSTANTLY. Haven't figured out how to deal with this yet. It seems that if I eat ANYTHING, with more than 250 mg per serving, I retain like crazy. I DO drink lots of liquids, too. It could be hormonal, I suppose, and in a couple months might correct itself. One can only hope.   I am doing great with meal planning and eating. I am so into protein, it's not funny! I love the shakes and have 4 a day. I eat three small meals and aim for 80-140 grams of protein/1300-1400 calories a day. This has worked, so far, and I can definately live with this plan.    I am cooking and baking for my family using healthy ingredients and do it, mostly, sugar-free. There is a fabulous new sweetener that contains NO sugar alcohols (X-W8 from bariatriceating.com). I love it. It is wonderful to work with and you can't tell the difference between it and full sugar items. Splenda is my mainstay and works great in "moist" things, but for baking cakes, cookies, etc. X-W8 is the way to go.    I am looking forward to this spring and summer. The first warm days (in the mid-70's!) were comforting and nice. This is in such contrast to years past. I dreaded summer and the heat. I became completely imobile. I couldn't work, walk, go outside. I sweated all the time - profusely - and hated it. Now, I barley notice warmer temps. This alone would be the best reason to love this surgery, for me. Although no medications, no sleep apnea, no aching feet, knees, ankles, hips, no shortness of breath, no heart palpataions...make it pretty great, too!!   I feel as if my profile has gotten so boring. Nothing is ever new. I'm not having problems, physically OR emtionally. My food addictions seems to be under control. I have lost more than my goal and am starting to maintain...   No complaining, but I might not be updating as much...life is taking over and I really want to be present and enjoying it. I want obesity and all things related, to be in the past. I want to look to the future without dread and in anticipation of a healthy, thin, exciting life. I've got things to do, like shopping, darn it. Can't have enough high-heels, short skirts, fabulous-fitting pants, lovely little unmentionables!! A girl's got her priorities!   

September 2006   A year and a half under my belt and I couldn't be happier. I had a check-up with Dr. Lauter last week and everything is wonderful. My labs are great (slightly low on iron) and I'm feeling fantastic.    I've lost a total of 208 pounds with a 5 pound "play"! I am, when I'm at the lowest, 145 and have bounced up to 150. I am not doing anything differently than I was when I was losing, so my body likes it here, I guess! I really don't want to lose any more and am thrilled to have made it this far.    I wear a size 8/small still. My energy level is still through the roof. I keep active and hardly sit down! I have no fear of walking into an unknown room. I have no fear of meeting new people. I have gained self-confidence and an attitude of well-being. I am LOVING LIFE!!!   I'll turn 45 in a couple weeks. This will be the second birthday since surgery and to tell you the truth I FEEL 20 years younger than I did pre-op. Simply Amazing!

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