Lisa C.

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Well, here it is Sunday night. Tomorrow I start my liquid diet for my surgery on Wednesday. And I have to tell you, I am starting to really get nervous. I have written a few letters to people that were friends and aren't really, anymore. I feel like my time here on earth is coming to an end. And I am truly okay with that. Dont get me wrong, I am praying for the best and I am sure that everything will be fine. But since there is always that possibility, its there in the back of my mind. So I had to get some things off my chest. Anyway, I am excited about being on the losing bench. Its been a long time coming. I truly thank all of my friends here on OH for there support. Perfect strangers are there for me, routing for me. Its strange and funny and wonderful. We are all going through the same thing. Some of us have gone through it already and they are the ones on the losers bench cheering me on. I have learned a lot from everyone that I have spoken with. The most important thing that I have learned is we are all in this together and we all feel the same things. We all get nervous about this. And thats okay. Its normal. Anyway, I just wanted to drop a quick update. I am going to have my sister in law send a blog when I am out of surgery so everyone will know whats going on. I will try to write as soon as I can, once I am home. I had debated about bringing my laptop, but I worry since I am going to alone and what happens when I am asleep. I don't want it to wind up getting stolen, so the best thing is to leave it at home. Anyway, have a great day and I hope to be talking to you all soon. Take care... Lisa

Okay. So I finally got my approval. It took what seemed like forever. It was actually 5 weeks but I don't think it was with the insurance company that long. But anyway, the good news is they approved my surgery and I am scheduled on September 12th. I have to go on the 6th for preadmission testing.. Other than that, I am just waiting and counting down the days. I am nervous, scared, excited all at the same time.. I am ready for this though.. Its been a long time coming.. I cant believe that I will FINALLY be thin... Thats the most exciting part.. And also to prove to all those people who want and expect to see me fail that I will not.. I will lose this and finally be a "normal" size to shop in Regular stores.. lol... But most importantly, I will be healthy... I am a little worried because I am alone with this. I don't have anyone at home anymore to help me out.. My ex moved out about 2 months ago... And my mother will be out of town for two weeks. She is leaving the day before my surgery. I forgot she was leaving until after they gave me a date but I don't want to reschedule it.. So, I will have to wait and see what happens... Im sure it will be okay... On the other hand, I may not want anyone near me anyway, if I feel miserable and am in pain. I may want to be left alone anyway, so this may be a blessing in disguise.. Well, I guess thats it for now.. I'll keep you updated as time goes by..

Well.. I have finally finished all my tests. Now I have to wait and worry about insurance approval. They may tell me no because I have lost 82 pounds on my own. But I now have sleep apnea so they may cover it. Apparently, I stopped breathing 26 times an hour during the dream phase of sleeping. I think thats a lot... And it kind of makes me nervous at the same time.. But I have to make my appointment with the Bariatric Center and come up with the newly established "Program Fee" before I can have the surgery but I am hopeful that I will have surgery by September (although I am hoping for August)... So now its the good old waiting game.. OH JOY!!! lol... Anyway, I guess thats all thats going on. I am trying to get used to living alone again, but I think its growing on me. I have no one to answer to. Its great..lol... Anyway... Have a good day..

well.. i got the results from all of my tests.. everything is good and i have the clearance. i just have to go to the psych eval.. i was worried because i have been hearing stories about the insurance not covering it and having to pay two or three hundred dollars out of pocket... i don't have that kind of money... I got a call from the medical center and they said i have no co pay.. WOO HOOO..lol... so I have that appointment on July 10th... I go back to the bariatric center Tuesday morning and I am hoping to maybe get a tentative date for surgery... I can't wait.. So im getting excited, but still nervous and even a little scared... Its such a big step.. am i doing the right thing? I think I am.. and I am ready for it... I just have to keep going... Well.. thats all for now...

Okay.. So this has been a rough week for me.. My boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me and told me he is in love with someone else. Its very hard but I do realize we weren't meant for each other.. We are just meant to be friends... And I am starting to be okay with that.. He still lives here for now, but will be leaving soon. I also found out that someone I have known for many years is attracted to me. He is married but going through a divorce. I am not ready for anything right now.. I need to work on me and this surgery.. But I also realized that I too am attracted to him... So although I was with my boyfriend, In the back of my mind, this guy was always there.. So who knows what will happen.. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and people are put in your life for a reason and purpose. My boyfriend (ex's) purpose was to get me out of a bad situation.. And now, he has to move on. We will remain friends but he is moving on. I have been struggling with eating because of this set back.. I sometimes want to give up, but ultimately, I know that I won't.. I want to lose this weight.. I want to be thin and finally feel good about myself... I want to show him that I could do this... with or without him.. I am doing this for me.. And my health.. and my self esteem... I am really excited and scared at the same time... its a whole new beginning... I also am seriously considering moving to Colorado. My aunt lives there and has been trying to get me to move there for about 10 years. She feels I need a change of scenery.. And I think I do.. I have so much going on at the same time. I am a bundle of nerves... Anyway.. I would love to talk to people and especially people from New Jersey.. I am trying to become more outgoing and its much easier on a computer..lol.. no one sees me.. lol... Thanks for reading my blogs..

Well.. Ive never really done any kind of "blogging" so this is a first for me... I am hoping to have surgery soon. I am finishing up all of the pre surgery testing that they send you for. I just have the lung test left and to wait for the results for the stress test, sleep study and the lung test. My endoscopy came back good. I am sure everything will be fine, but I still worry, constantly. I have lost a lot of weight so far but its so hard because I feel like I am ALWAYS hungry. I keep telling myself to stop eating (not skip meals) but I wonder if I am eating enough. After an hour or 2 I feel like I haven't eaten in a year..lol... But I keep fighting because its time that I get this done. I know this is not the be all to end all and that It will take hard work and dedication on my part, but I am ready, willing and able... I want to start to feel good for the first time in my life...