llben79
Ok, the psych appointment(s) are done...I went back yesterday for the written personality test...570 QUESTIONS!!! Yikes! At least it's done. I'm just so impatient. You know last night I went out with a couple of friends, and my BF, and he wanted to dance, and I just couldn't do it. I was looking at all the other people who looked ridiculous, wearing their too-tight get up on their too-big bodies, and saw how bad they looked, and refused to be one of them. I think my BF is getting frustrated...I won't dance with him...he keeps trying to pick me up just messing around, and he is under the very sweet, mistaken impression that I am only about 180# (ha! I wish!!), and I refuse to tell him exactly just what I weigh. I can't wait until the day that I can sit on his lap, like he wants me to now but I won't, and when I'm not humiliated when he tries to pick me up...I'm so sick of people telling me what a beautiful person I am, and what a beautiful face I have, and that's all that should matter...SICK OF IT!! That does not make this any easier 
July 16, 2007
Ok, so here it goes. My name is Lacey. I just turned 28. I'm a single mom of a beautiful 6 year old little girl. And I weigh the most I've every weighed in my life. I fluctuate between 235 and 240. I have been researching WLS for a couple of years now, but everytime I mentioned it to ANYONE, I just got told, "Oh just exercise more and watch what you eat. It's that simple". Well, it's so NOT that simple, and a few months ago, I decided enough was enough. I work in the lab at a local hospital, and I've talked to many people who have had the surgery, and personally know 1 of them who have had it done. The first time I spoke to someone about it, was actually one of my patients (I am a phlebotomist, so I draw blood). I closed the door, and just asked her if she minded if I ask her some questions. I cannot remember the woman's name, but I will thank her for the REST OF MY LIFE. 
She was a very sweet lady, who you would never know she had WLS, and she gave me all the incentive I needed to get on the ball with my doctor.
For the past several years, my health problems were increasing, and I'm on a ton of medication (well, not a ton, but enough for my liking...) I think I had gone to the doctor for a respiratory problem, and I was afraid to say something to him about the WLS, but I just did. I told him that him and I both knew that I have been heavy for as long as I can remember, and it's just getting worse. I reminded him of my co-morbidities...a little over 100# overweight, BMI between 40 and 41, athsma, high blood pressure, heart palpitations, severe sleep apnea (that I had once had that UPPP surgery to correct that did not work), insulin resistance (I am on more glucophage than my Type II diabetic mother was on before she recently passed away) which is only going to lead to DM if I don't do something SOON, and of course depression. I also have arthritis in my ankle and knee which means that it's very hard for me to exercise, and so when I do try, I get winded, my athsma acts up, and I just give up. I have tried EVERY diet there is, spend HUNDREDS of dollars on diets and pills, and gym memberships, exercise videos, and am just disgusted with myself. To my suprise, he just said "OK". 
Just like that. So I asked how...and he said to just find a surgeon, and give him a call and he'll give me a referral. (I was a little suprized at the lack of concern for WHO my surgeon was going to be; he had NO input, but I'm just grateful that he said he would support me with this).
People (the VERY FEW) who know that I am going to do this keep telling me that I really don't need it, because I don't LOOK like I weight that much. Well I'm so sick of hearing what other people think!!! What about what I think? And how I feel? And does no one care that I really am so discouraged that I don't want to leave the house? I don't own hardly any clothes anymore because I HATE buying clothes. I go to the store, and I go to try something on, and all I do is cry in the dressing room. I am humiliated, and refuse to buy any more clothes this size. Can we also talk about how all the cute clothes are for skinny people, and how anything that is my size looks like some old housecoat tent that my dear old aunt would wear?!?!? I'm 28, not 88!! The bottom line is that I just watched my mother die from colorectal cancer, which is said to be a common cancer when you suffer from uncontrolled Type II DM. She was only 51. It was horrible, and I don't want to end up like that. I want to be healthy so I can see my daughter grow up. I don't want her to end up like that also. I am hoping that if I am healthy, she will stay healthy.
Well, I chose my surgeon, Dr Joseph Caruana. I have heard wonderful things about him, and am awaiting an appointment with him. I got the referral from my PMD with the insurance company to see Dr. Caruana, I have the letter of recommendation from my doctor,
I did my pathetic diet history, and I go next Wed (7/25/07) for the psych eval with Dr. Lelito. (Why do you need a psych eval?? I don't understand) Then, hopefully I will have the consult with Dr. C shortly after that. I am just so scared and praying to god that the insurance company approves this surgery. I am just so ready and getting very impatient.
Enough time has gone by that I have been fat and misreable, and I just want to be healthy and happy for once. And also for those people who ask me if I just want the attention after losing weight...I just want to say for the record that this is NOT for ANYONE's approval. Last September, I met a wonder man, and he loves me the way I am, right now, and he is supporting me and whatever I decide to do if it makes me happy. I would never trade him for the world, and hope that our relationship only moves forward (would like to get married someday). So no, this is not about finding a man, I already have a wonderful one!!!!! 
Ok so I guess I just have to get through this week, waiting for the psych consult. 
Hopefully I'll have some good news after that. I'm kind of nervous about this...like do they think I'm crazy because I want...no...because I NEED to lose weight??
July 24, 2007
Ok well I'm very nervous, tomorrow is my psych evaluation, and I'm hoping that he will give me his approval...I really don't understand what this is all about. I don't understand how something so amazing as the opportunity to lose weight and be normal can require counseling?? I'm not nervous that he will say I am crazy or something, I am just nervous that he will not agree with my decision, and give his recommendation. So many people have said that I do not need this done, and all I need to do is just exercise and eat better...but it's much more than that. I hear stories all the time about how insurance companies have their own recommended doctors to see because the doctors are on the insurance company's side, and don't recommend procedures, just to save money. THAT is what makes me nervous. Oh well. Maybe I'll understand more tomorrow. I am seeing Dr. Lelito...he was recommended to me by my surgeon's office. They said that he is very good about getting the reports forwarded back as soon as possible. Wish me luck...
Oh, and by the way, to add to my frustration, I have gained another 2 lbs, so now I weigh 239-240, and I have been doing nothing but trying to eat healthy. Isn't that just a kick in the teeth?!?
July 25, 2007
Ok so I had my psych eval today with Dr. Lelito. He is a very nice, soft spoken man, who is definitely sympathetic to this cause. Before I forget, if you have Univera, you need 2 appointments...one for the hour long interview, and then another one to complete written evaluations. He was nice enough to get me in tomorrow for the final part to this evaluation. There is a 15 dollar co pay for each visit though. I would definitely recommend him, because he is not only concerned with the immediate issues, he is concerned about EVERY aspect of your well-being (right down to getting specialized attention for my migraines). He spend a lot of time asking me about my relationship, and how that way going. He then stressed to me that basically "...you are the one who is going to be drastically changing...very fast...and everyone else around you will be staying the same. That may not be easy for those in your life to deal with..." . He then told me how divorce rates are higher after women have this surgery, and he proceeded to warn me that my man WILL feel insecure, threatened, and probably jealous of other men by this time next year, whether he wants to admit it or not. He then said that that is just men's nature, and that was coming from a man. He said that he was very happy for me if my man continues to support me the way that he has been, he just wanted me to be aware, and not I didn't overlook that in my relationship. He also told me that my female friends may change their attitude towards me once I am thin (which I am already prepared for), and that was just about it. He asked some predictable questions, like have I ever had an eating disorder, if I was ever suicidal, if I was ever abused physically, and a VERY detailed description of what I eat and how often I eat it. He will tell you to ELIMINATE SODA from your diet. He called it a conglomeration of nuclear waste, with no iota of resemblance to food... (lol). He also says that you should have ONE guilty indulgence day a week, so that you don't feel as though you are depriving yourself. He asked me what I miss right now (concerning food), considering that I am already trying to follow some sort of a diet plan. I said that I would love to go to Olive Garden and eat some pasta. He said go do it. Just don't eat too much. He said that if there is anything that you miss, or deprive yourself of, then you will never stick to that regime. This is all sort of common sense, but it sounds a little more encouraging coming from the doctor. Anyway, he also continued to stress that the journey doesn't end at the surgery, it's just the beginning, and this is a life altering decision, and to be prepared for NOT knowing what to expect. All in all, it went well, and he definitely is letting you know that he is there to support your decision, and is willing to help at any point in the future as far as he is able. So now I go tomorrow and do this written testing (to prove to the insurance company that I am mentally sound enough to make this decision, because it's technically an elective surgery), and I should be on my way. I will just be waiting for a call from Dr. C!!!! I'm getting excited, but I don't want to count my chickens yet....
July 26, 2007
July 30, 2007
Still waiting to hear from Dr. Caruana's office to get my appointment. I was getting ancy and worrying what if I got this far, only to have him submit the request to Univera, and just to have them reject it?? I would just die. So I called Univera and asked for a copy of their policy regarding WLS, and they faxed me their guidelines. Well, it LOOKS like I have enough of the co-morbidities for them that they SHOULD approve it. I guess I must just be getting frustrated. My knee HURTS...it hurts when I stand, walk, sit...it just HURTS. My weight is not helping, I know that. I also actually did something really bad. I was supposed to go out with one of my girlfriends this weekend, she wanted to go to the clubs. Well, I was so disgusted with myself; the fact that I feel like a whale, I have nothing cute to wear, and I probably weigh about 140# heavier than she, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't bear the thought of going out somewhere with all the "normal" girls, and being looked at like I was out of place. So I just stayed home and told her that I had to work. That is so pathetic. And of course, I try to tell her how I feel, and she tells me that she doesn't notice my weight, and neither will anyone else. Well, whatever the case...I stayed home. I know that I notice, and that's all it takes. I am hoping this week I will get some good news...
