Loralea

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I just realized that today was my six month surgiversary.  And since I haven't been online much lately I figured it's a good time for an update.  Sorry I don't have any new pics tonight, but I let it slip up on me, and now everyone else has gone to bed.  I'll take some tomorrow and get them posted.

I was told many times as I was getting ready for surgery to hang on for a wild ride.  I heard it, read about it other people's profiles, and thought that I understood what they meant.  But just didn't fully GET IT until experiencing this AMAZING journey for myself.  If anyone had told me....strike that....MANY peole told me.....but I never believed that I'd be sitting here just six months later posting about me...yes, really me....being down 108 pounds and 8 whole sizes (from a 30 to a 14)....and still going!!!

It is a wild ride.  I can't really think of a better or more accurate description.  It's definitely a roller coaster of emotions.  There are wonderfully high wow moments...from the big milestones of wearing regular sized clothes, or being under 200 pounds...to the little moments of noticing that I was sitting with my legs crossed, or being able to bend down and get something off the floor.  Of course there are a few lows too...like the early days out wondering what I had done to myself, or going through a little funk here and there.  And then there are all of the beautiful people that are riding with me.  The good so far outweighs any of the lows.  It has been SO VERY worth it, and probably the best decision I ever made for myself.  I feel like I've been given a wonderful gift of a new life and the best friends in the world to share it with.

I know we like to share our answered prayers here, and I want you all to know that all of you are my answered prayer.  I prayed a long time ago for some friends.  I asked God many times why I didn't have any real friends who lived any where near me.  He answered me once, way back then, that He wasn't going to give me friends to replace my husband with.  It seemed really harsh at the time, but I understood.  I had to get things right there first, and I felt like we finally did over the past couple of years.  And we must have, because now God has given me all of you.  I've been so truly blessed with my life, my family, and now my friends.

I'm really struggling with the idea of a weight goal right now. I have no idea what the number on the scale should be.

When I filled out the seminar paperwork for my surgeon I put my goal weight as 190. I know that as a short person (5'1") that goal seems ridiculously high, but that's where my head was at the time. I honestly never believed I would even see that goal, but I wanted to dream about being under 200. Playing with the calculator I figured a loss of 60% of my excess would put me around 190. I had read somewhere that 90% of patients can lose at least 60% of their excess. I thought maybe I could at least do that. I told several people around that same time that even if I didn't lose anything at all, if I never gained another pound I would consider the surgery a success. Can you say discouraged?? lol

Well, when I committed to the surgery, I also committed to the effort to lose the weight and started THAT day....losing 35 lbs in those 2 months before surgery...knowing that the surgery would enable me to keep it off this time, and lose more. I defintely adjusted my expectations and goals during that time. I picked 132 lbs as my goal weight based solely on the BMI charts. That would put my BMI at 24.9, "normal". I have no clue what this would look like on my body, as I've never weighed that in my adult life.

My REAL goal is to be NOT fat. So I'm measuring my success by my body fat percentage, regardless of what the number on the scale says. I go every 3 months to the Cooper Institute for underwater weighing to track my progess. I started out at around 50% bodyfat, and in December was down to 37%. My goal is to be between 21%-24% body fat. That is the "Fitness" band for women...higher bodyfat than "Atheletes" and lower bodyfat than "Acceptable". I think that's when I'll feel normal.

Based on the muscle/lean mass from my last body fat test, that would put my weight on the scale bewteen 157-163 lbs, which sounds really high to me. But I guess we'll just have to see how much muscle and bone mass I lose or gain between now and then.

I definitely don't want to quit working out so that I don't gain muscle and get closer to some lower number on the scale. That would be totally counter-productive to my real goal of being not fat.

I'm a little over 3 months post op, and I've lost a total of 80 lbs...45 lbs. since surgery plus 35 lbs. the two months pre-op. 80 pounds is awesome and I don't take an ounce of it for granted, but I'm a bit disappointed that I haven't lost more recently. I've got no one to blame but myself. I've turned into a total slug since the middle of December. I'm just not eating, or not eating right when I do. I don't drink all my water...heck I don't even try to keep up with how little I drink...probably only 16 oz. a day. I don't get enough protein...25 g would be my best guess. I haven't run in two weeks now. I'm taking most of my vitamins, but not all. It just feels like I'm not doing anything right..and, well, I'm not. I was doing so great, and I don't know what has happened lately. First I quit monitoring my water, then my food. Then I got busy with the holidays and quit exercising too. I'm right back to my old ways of doing what I want and when I want, except that I'm not eating everything in sight. In fact, it's just the opposite. I don't hardly eat at all. I'm having trouble keeping most foods down. Everything seems to get stuck or traps air in my stomach, and when I can't burp, I just have to throw it all up. It makes eating not very pleasant. I probably need to have the doc check it out, but I'm putting that off too. My checkup is the end of this month. I guess I'll deal with it then. For now, I'm living on protein coffee and cheese and crackers mostly.

Someone pointed out today that I hadn't updated my profile since surgery yet. So sorry if I worried anyone. I'm doing fabulous!!! It's so much better than I thought it would be at this point. I haven't had any complications or sickness, no trouble eating small amounts, and very little pain...just a little discomfort with the drain. I really couldn't ask for better. I go back for my post-op visit tomorrow and I'll post more then. I post alot on the Texas message board, so you should be able to find me there when I forget to put updates here.

Thanks so much to everyone for their love, support, encouragement, and information. I can't imagine going through this process without you!!

I'm leaving for the hospital in about 5 hours. And I'm up packing, messaging, and getting a little work done. I knew there was no way I'd be able to sleep tonight. Especially since I need to get up at 4:00 AM!!

The day has been kinda busy. Just making last minute preparations for my family. It's really hard for a control freak like me to leave everything for them to take care of. I keep reminding myself that it's going to be ok if they don't do everything exactly the way I would have...they'll manage just fine, but then I think of five more things I forgot to tell somebody...LOL.

On my list of things I didn't do today was "take a before picture". I've got the pics of me at 285 lbs, before my pre-op diet, but I had intended to get one of me just before surgery. And I wanted at least one before pic that is a full body shot with real clothes and hair and makeup actually done. Oh well, I guess I can do that right after I get home. I won't have lost THAT much weight by then. I'm sure not getting dressed up right now for it!

I'm not as nervous as I was a couple of weeks ago right after my pre-op visit. I think I'm finally excited about it again...like I was when I first got approved. At the pre-op the procedure itself just got a little too real for me, and I've been so scared of the hospital stay and surgery that it's been hard to be excited about how awesome the results will be. My husband (who has been super supportive) reminded me the other day that all the other times I've been in the hospital I went in when I was in extreme pain (childbirth and emergency gallbladder removal). He thinks that contributed to my anxiety before, and that this time, walking in feeling good, will be different. I don't know about that, but it sounds good to me...I'm sticking to his story for now. :-) I'll let you know the real deal when I get home.

Well, I finally added more to my timeline below. I can't believe it had been almost a month since my last update. I went back through my calendar and posts, and I think I got most of it in there. I've never kept a journal or anything, but I really want a record of this. It's not that often that you know ahead of time that you're undertaking a life-altering decision! I updated my pic too. A couple people I've met told me the other one looked nothing like me. Unfortunately it looks EXACTLY the way I look around the house every day. Pony tail, no makeup, tshirt, and sweats. But they're right, it doesn't look anything like the way any of you will EVER see me looking, I hope! LOL So I've got this bad quality camera phone pic for now, but at least it looks more like the face you see and love. One of these days I'll get my husband to take some real pics. He'll probably faint when I ask him. I've never wanted to have my picture taken. But like I said, I really want a record of this journey.

RNY scheduled for 9/26/2007. Pre-op appointment this Thursday!

More later....just had to share the good news...

I was so upset this afternoon, I thought my head was just going to explode. My surgeon's office STILL has not even submitted me to the insurance company for approval. Now they're waiting on the report from the history and physical I had at THEIR office a week and a half ago. My PCP, OB/GYN, psych, and Nutritionist have all done their part, as have I. When I was at the surgeon's office, they told me they would have the report to their insurance coordinator by last Wednesday, and would be able to submit late last week. Well, I waited patiently as the week came and went, going crazy, but never called them, and still nothing. So I called today, only to find out that it's sitting on the surgeon's desk, he's out today, and he'll do it tomorrow. First I had to figure out what the heck she was even talking about. What does he have to do? He DID the H&P when I was there. She meant the dictation from the notes. A week and a half and he hasn't had time to speak into a dang voice recorder? Then she wants to treat me like a moron because I don't understand what that has to do with him being out today. He wasn't out last week (when they promised it would be done) just today. Well I must be a freakin' moron because I still don't understand. Anyway, then she proceeds to tell me that she has no earthly idea how long it might take after he does the dictation to get the final report to the insurance coordinator (downstairs). I asked her just for a ballpark, wild guess, even just narrow it down to somewhere between an hour and a year. She doesn't know, and no one in the office knows. WHAT?!? Evidently it's dependent on some act of God because she couldn't point me to one single person on earth who might be able to give me an estimate. So I got off the phone and I've just been angry, upset and discouraged all night. I'm so tired of waiting just to get it submitted to the insurance company, where I've already accepted, I'll have to wait some more. I just had no idea that they were going to work at a snail's pace to even get it to that point. I mean, aren't these the same people who are supposed to be helping me get through the process, not standing in the way?