Less Then 2 Weeks Til' A New Life/Journey Begins

May 15, 2009

OK, I have less than 2 weeks until surgery, 11 days to be exact.  I have all of these emotions going through my mind and I can't even identify them.  I feel a little blue but I am absolute about my decision.  I know it is the right decision.  I think a lot of what is going on is the anticipation of what come next.

I am going to start a liquid diet in a few days.  This is a recommendation but not a requirement.  They suggest this so that one can begin to shrink the liver and to prepare for after surgery.  I am the type that has to prepare, prepare, and prepare some more.  I always try to anticipate every scenario even though I know that is impossible.

I am worried about whether or not I have everything in place at work so things will run smoothly while I am out.  There is a big project that will begin shortly after my return and I just have visions of my first day back in the office and one the Business Analyst from the UK being planted at my desk upon my arrival.  I know I am putting a lot of this anxiety on myself.  I am just having difficulty putting it in perspective.

I have been doing so much research about the procedure and life after that I think I am just over loading myself with knowledge.  I guess it is just part of my genetic make up.  I can't help but to wonder what I will miss when I am out of the office and whether or not I will walk back into a disaster.  If I do I will handle it.

My parents live with me an they too are obese.  I wonder how the changes that will occur with me will impact them.  I have a younger brother who also lives in my house.  He is part of a 12-step recovery program and I wonder if my medications that I may need to take will be a trigger for him.  I know I have no control over his actions but at the same time I don't want to be a catalyst either.

I have a dog that I got about a month ago.  He is great.  When introduced to new people he was fine.  He has become so protective of my father and me.  My father is home all day with him.  Now it seems like anytime someone goes near my father the dog snaps.  I can't have him snapping at anyone who enters the house but at the same time I can't send the dog back as I am much too attached to him.  Maybe obedience school is the answer.  That will have to wait  until after surgery.  In the mean time I think I may need to get a muzzle for him even though that will hurt me to restrict him in that manner.  All in all, he is a good dog.  He is funny and energetic and a major source of happiness for me.  He has really done wonder for my father's disposition.

I just feel like there is too much going on and I wonder if I am equipped to handle it all.

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