some of my past discomforts with my biggest weights

Dec 08, 2011

Maybe this is a bit to much information but for me this was my life.  This is what it was like for me.  Everyones stories in their lives are different.  Limitations all look different for everyone and how you cope and deal with them are different.  For me it was a reallity check time and this was all a part of the big lifes picture for me.  I mentioned somewhere a my pior post about the weight that my feet would endure on a daily basis while sitting as well as of course standing.  I was not able to do much walking at my highest weights.   I will elaberate a bit more on the pain that my feet and legs would have when sitting. For me it was as though my feet never got a break or rest until I was in bed and laying down. I say bed, because the couch was not an option and nor was the floor. I did not fit on the coiuch and the dicomfort was terriable. And of course (((hello))) the floor was a joke to get to and an even bigger joke to get up from.  My sanctuary was my bedroom.  However this was also becoming my prison.  This is where I spent so much time.  I was very confined as my weight continued to pile on.  I had a love hate relationship with my fatness and with my food.  That I may explain in later postings.  Although I could find comfort there would always be discomforts to.  The bed was my spot that I was able to walrus role around on until I would or could find a comfortable position.  I was at weight that I was starting to have more challenges in even rolling over.   I would have to ask occaisionally for some help in getting rolled over.  I was no longer able to get up on my knees and slide my belly over to get to my other side. Not sure if that makes sense to you.  I could not just roll on my stomach to the other side.   I always had to be on my side, and at my higher weights could not be on my back or belly.  I will not yet go into the beds I have broken because of my weights but I will tell you this… mattress are not comfortable at the weights I was at.  If they were, it would be a very short time frame before they were broken down and no longer comfortable.   My hips would ache.  Pain meds were my friends for comfort.  I would have terriable leg cramps durning the night.  Muscle relaxers also became my friends for comfort.  I think about the pain and discomfort and wonder how I delt with it.  I wish it on nobody!  The cramping in my legs would happen any time of the day, and even more at night.  I could not just get up and stand or walk it out.
Oh, my fiance' (at the time boyfriend) got first hand experience on the incrediable weight that would be constant on my feet and legs as I sat. He did not like to see the pain and would try to help when we were out and about. When we had to sit and wait for our rides he would sit in front of me and rest my belly on his lap to aleiviate some of the pain. After a bit of time he would have to slide it off to get the feelings back in his legs and feet. He had a sense of understanding this way and showed his love for me. ((He is an incrediable man, really is a special man)). He has been with me in the best of our times and the worst of our times. He does love me at any size! In honesty as a FA (someone that admires fat women) the more important thing is that he LOVES ME and wants to see me healthy and happy and not in pain. We want to do things together!! He has been on this journey with me. He supports me and my decisions. We will be getting married 07-04-2012.  We have been together since 12-16-2008. 

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