LunaLovegood

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

It is way to easy to start falling into bad habits, but I re-started my liquid diet on Tuesday and I've lost those 3 evil pounds I had gained and I'm feeling pretty good.  I am determined to lose weight over the holidays.  I did it last year and I can do it this year.  I really want my christmas gift to myself this year to be the gift of overweight instead of obese!!!!  That would kick so much ass.  I'm pretty sure I can lose 15 pounds in the next 6.5 weeks - that's only about 2 pounds a week and I can totally do it!!!!  When I hit 195.8 I will seriously cry with happiness!

I've finally gotten back on track and have lost another 5 pounds.  I will keep going like this and will hopefully get to under 200 pounds by the end of the year.  I want to be at my ideal weight by my birthday.  It's not as fast as I was hoping initially, but that's fine.  Slow and steady wins the race.   I want to be at 217 by 9/12 (that will be 100 pounds lost) and then when I hit 196, I will be overweight instead of obese for the first time since junior high.  I can't wait!!!!

I'm 2 pounds away from just being obese instead of severely obese.  Every 33 pounds is 5 BMI points for me.  And my stall might have broken this morning, I hope!  I really want to get into those 16s - the 18s are getting too big but the 16s are still too small.  I've put myself on an eating schedule and am eating more fruits and veggies, hoping to keep up the weight loss.  I still have great restriction - 1/4 of an apple fills me up completely.  Today after I eat lunch I will have eaten 421 cal and 26 grams of protein, so that is really good.  I was really mindlessly eating and it was causing problems.  I'm trying really hard to stop that and to eat veggies or fruit if I'm hungry, not junk.  

My weight loss has dramatically slowed down and my will power has declined.  Gee, I wonder if they are connected?  I really need to get back on track, I'm very disappointed in myself, I have not even lost 60 pounds in the last 5 months, and that's the honeymoon period.  It's just going to get harder and it's pretty hard already.  I really don't want to fail, but I feel like I might.  Technically, I am at 52.8% EWL (311-233.4) / (311-164), but I really don't feel like that's enough for me.  I want to at least get under 200 and STAY THERE!!!!  God, I just don't want to be obese anymore, even overweight would be fine.  But at this rate, that's 4 or 5 months away, and that's not good enough.  I have to decide to give up food and exercise more, I'm just eating too much and I can't do that anymore.  1500 calories is NOT OKAY, I should be at 600-800 calories a day.  God, I'm feeling like a failure.  Maybe I should go back on liquids for a week, I just need to kick my body back into losing mode.  I really should be losing about 2 pounds a week with my diet and the calories I burn daily, but I want to lose 5 pounds by next Monday, so I'm going to eat less than 500 calories a day starting tomorrow.  Nothing but plain grilled chicken or fish every day for the next 5 days.  I can do it.  

Bodybugg says I burn an average of 2731 calories a day (last 30 days) and my food log says I eat an average of 846 calories a day for a deficit of 1885 calories a day.  But based on my weight, it says I'm really eating 1471 calories a day!  Now I know that is impossible, I cannot be overestimating by 75%, maybe 20-30% since food labels are notoriously inaccurate, but 75%?!?  This is so annoying.  Why am I such a slow loser?  At this rate, I should be losing 3.5 pounds a week.  But I'm lucky if I lose 2.  Fuck, I'm irritated.  I know I might be building muscle, but not that much.  I'm not working out as much as I should, but really it's the calorie deficit that matters, so exercise is just icing on the cake.  What am I going to do?  Do I have to give up all carbs?  I really don't want to, but maybe I have to.  I have eaten a lot of carbs this month: 1668/29 = 57.5 a day.  But that's still low carb!!!!!  God I hate this.  This was supposed to be easy, but I feel like I'm wasting my first 6 months.  I've only lost 47 pounds in nearly 13 weeks.  Still, that averages out to 3.6 pounds a week and puts me at a total of 72 pounds from my highest.  But most of the rapid loss was in the first month.  It's been about 2-2.5 pounds a week since that time.  Weight Watchers promises that!  But in reality, I probably would only have lost 1/2 pound a week if I was on WW, so I'm still grateful for my sleeve, I just want the math to work in my favor.  It's making me angry and sad and that makes me want to eat junk and stay in bed all day.  They weren't kidding when they said the mental battle is 95% of the work.  At least I am only 16 pounds away from being plain old obese instead of severly obese.  And I'm 49 pounds from being overweight.  

On the plus side, I have lost inches, so that's good.  I actually wore a size 18 pair of jeans today - it gave me muffin top but I could wear it.  But the carb monster has attacked me badly - I've been "starving" all week.  I think I'm PMS-ing like crazy :(   I plugged my weight into a BMR calculator and it was kind of interesting.  At 317 lbs, my BRM was 2190 cal, now at 245 lbs its 1866.  So that's 324 calories less just to exist every day.  If I want to keep my weight loss consistent, I need to make up for that 324 calories every day.  And when I get to goal (not if, WHEN), my BMR will be 1416 - so I'll have to stay at a 1200-1400 calorie diet for life to maintain.  That's OK, I can do that.  

So, it seems like when I plateau, if I eat a high carb diet for a day I lose weight.  Weird.  I'm finally down to 246.4 - so that's 70.6 pounds lost since September, 45.6 lost since surgery (12 weeks yesterday).  I can live with that.  I'm worried that my body is losing muscle since I seem to lose best on days when my protein intake is sort of low.  Hmmm, I'm so confused.  On the plus side, I tried on size 18 jeans this weekend and buttoned them - they were tight as hell, but I buttoned them!  Exciting.  I can't wait to put them on without holding my breath :) 

So today, I calculated my EWL but I'm confused: do I use my highest weight or my surgery weight?  Do I use a barely normal BMI or my goal weight?  It looks better if I use highest weight and barely normal BMI, but I don't think I'll be happy there.  I really want to be 145.  I don't want to gain one pound and be overweight again.  I want a few pounds of wiggle room for my TOM and water weight.  On the other hand: if I lose 2 lbs a week for the rest of the year, I will weigh 177 by New Year's Day.  Not to shabby.  Even slow weight loss will get me there eventually, if painfully.  Only 20 more pounds to my next goal - just being plain old obese!  

249 = BMI 37.9 = Severe obesity
229 = BMI 34.8 = Obesity
196 = BMI 29.8 = Overweight
164 = BMI 24.9 = Normal
145 = BMI 22.0 = Normal with some wiggle room

                   HW: 317 lbs                                                                                SW: 292 lbs
164 lbs - 153 lbs to lose - 68 lbs lost - 44.4% lost               164 lbs - 128 lbs to lose - 43 lbs lost - 33.6% lost
145 lbs - 172 lbs to lose - 68 lbs lost - 39.5% lost               145 lbs - 147 lbs to lose - 43 lbs lost - 29.3% lost               

I've been losing very slowly since I got back from vacation - only 5 pounds in three weeks, but yesterday I was really bad and ate a whole can of fat-free pringles and I lost 2 pounds this morning!  What the fuck, this is so annoying sometimes!  Anyway, I go to see Dr. Chebli next Monday - it will be 11 weeks out and I was hoping to have lost 44 pounds total - so I need to lose another 5.8 pounds this week.  I think maybe it's doable.  I just need to exercise more.  Plus his scale is about 1-2 pounds less than mine, so maybe I only have to lose about 4 pounds?  I don't know.  I'm feeling like I can eat pretty well, nothing has made me barf, thank god, I'm just craving raw veggies so badly!  Two more weeks and I'm cleared for them.  Yeah.   I'm gonna go crazy with salad and nuts and hopefully I won't barf.  

Sometimes my pills are so numerous that they take up so much space in my tiny tummy and I can't get all my food in.  Annoying.  

Woah, just had the best beef jerkey, but it gave me the most painful heartburn I've ever felt - I thought I was dying.  It went away after about 10 minutes, thankfully!  But I also got the slimies - gross!  

I was looking at my earlier weights and realized that it took me 3 months to lose 19 pounds pre-op, and I was hungry all the time - it was difficult.  I've now lost 35 pounds in 8 weeks without feeling deprived (very much).  Admittedly, the first month sucked ass, but it's so easy now, it's the best decision I ever made!  I'm so thrilled and I know I can keep it off.  Plus, I wore a size 20 on Friday!  I haven't worn a 20 in two years.  They were a little tight, but who cares?  They will be perfect in another two weeks or so.  I'm hoping to be wearing a size 18 by Sarah's wedding - 6 more weeks should be about 20 more pounds gone (I hope).   I was wearing an 18 the last time I weighed 237 - at Shannon's wedding, 9 years ago, ironically :)  

I had the most amazing time in the Dominican Republic!  The three of us had a fantastic time swimming and eating (not much for me, obviously), and I had about 2 drinks (with no problems).  It was only interrupted by me getting a cold/flu (lame) and getting a horrible sunburn on the last day (superlame).  But when I got home to see my out of town guest, I weighed myself and found out I dropped to 260.8 lbs!!!!!!  That's nearly 8 pounds gone in the past 9 days and I'm finally "severly obese" not "morbidly obese".  BMI 39.7.  I want to jump for joy, I'm so excited!  I weighed about this much when I moved to Seattle and I am finally feeling like I will keep losing weight with this sleeve.  I'm eating pretty normally now - just small bites, small portions, and lots of chewing and anything goes down easily - no barfing for me (even though I occasionally want to when I eat just a bit too much).  I'm starting to get the hang of this sleeve.  The only thing I don't do is avoid drinking with my meals.  Maybe if I stall out, I will try that, but I really like to drink with meals.  It helps me keep from getting dehydrated, which is important and surprisingly hard to do sometimes.  I'm also happy because I told three of my best friends (known for 12 years) about my WLS and they all were supportive - it was almost a non-issue.  I was so grateful for that.  I knew that they would be supportive, but there's always that lingering doubt since I haven't even always been supportive of WLS.  Thankfully, I kept my opinions to myself, especially since they were based on ignorance and fear as opposed to reality.