Mahana

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Well surgery day is finally here!!! I had actually GAINED weight since my initial consultation...so i put myslef on all liquids for the past 9 days...so I have lost 18lbs! I'm sitting here typing away in my size XL night gown and robe...(I was a XXL or 20..now I am 18-16)...going into this surgery knowing that I am the healthiest I've been in a year.

Please OH friends say a prayer for me.. 11:30 am westcoast time is the when I go in. See you all soon and will post shortly thereafter.  Aloha!

In exactly 7 days I will be in the hospital getting my Lap-band! wow!! long time coming! I am so full of hope and posstivie energy! will pos before pix from the Doc's office...an update regularly.

So I had some set backs regarding my authorization with TRICARE..only because of issues with my husbad's set of orders while he was away temporarily for training. I had to wait until he got back for my Surgeon to submitt authorization.....and the results are....drum roll please...authorization was submitted on the 29th of June..and TWO days later..it HAS BEEN APPROVED!!!!! YIPEEEE! I will be getting my Lap-Band before my birthday (july 27th)!!! What an awesome gift. Will post before pictures and update you on my actual surgery date.

Just finished with my initial consult. Everything went great. Just waiting for TRICARE approval which will take a little less than a week. After that schedule surgery..which could be as early as the end of the month!! WOW! Will start excersize regime tommorrow..gotta get conditioned for surgery. will start changing eating habits too, i.e not drinking when I eat my food. I am super excited!!!

I know this sounds silly, but I am absolutely silly frantic about getting a "before" picture taken. I have NOT had a FULL BODY...UN PHOTO-CHOPPED  picture of myself in 4 years! I absolutely refuse to take pictures. This has been the topic of ridicule and .harrassment from many a drunk relative at family funtions. Am I being irrational here? I hate the way i look in picuters and even when my 3 year old grabs my cell phone and takes my picture I quickly snatch it out of his hands and hit TRASH..without even looking at it. It's gotten to "phobia" preportions. I don't even look at yself full body in the mirror. I know what I look like..but I guess I don't WANT to know what I look like to others.
And the thought of another man (albeit the doctor...) seeing my body...omgeee! I know this is crazy, I mean like 5 dozen people see you naked with breasts and everything else exposed when you're in the hospital giving birth, but I guess it never botherd me then because I had "an excuse". I know this is a neccessary evil to get to my goal, But really I am facing one of my biggest fears!

It's been a long, hard battle. A life time of yo yo dieting. I remember being 11 years old sneaking my dad's Grape-fruit 2000 diet pills! That summer I lost 30lbs eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast, a can of tuna for lunch and half of whatever was on my dinner plate. After that I became active into sports and didn't have a weight problem. I had my first child...I gained 80lbs and lost if effortlessly...had my 2nd child and gained 100lbs...took 4 years to get if off and then i got pregnant with my 3rd child..gained 100 lbs....took 3 years of a strict vegan diet and 4 hours of walking a day to take it off...gained 120lbs with my 4th child....that was 3 years ago...and I have GAINED not lost any weight.
I'm so done..I've been on a diet my entire adult life. I don't want to obsess over it any more. I don't why i can't stop after one serving...that off switch is broken in brain. I was a raw foodist for a month..I went through a horrible 'detox"..lost 40lbs and gained back 50!
It doesn't seem fair to me or my family that THIS is what consumes me on a daily..hourly basis. I want to LIVE MY LIFE..I want to travel..explore..not be confined by the limitations of my own body. Geeze..I just want to take my kids on a play date and not worry about being the fattest mom there.
I'm ready to do this... I have my initial consultation on Thursday.. I've heard you should excersize and eat healthy BEFORE your surgery..so starting today (saturday) I am going to start walking and conditioning my body for the surgery to come. I'll let you all know how the consult goes- Mahana