Loss of blogger virginity

Mar 24, 2009

Well, since this is the first ever blog that I've posted I guess I have now lost my blogger virginity.  I'm just another face that desperately wants to change their life by loosing the weight that's been holding me back.  Just like every other large size person out there I knew I wanted to loose weight to look better.  However, it wasn't until I was filling out forms for one of the WLS surgeons that I realized just how much my weight's been holding me back.  This particular exercise was to write down why I wanted the surgery and what I hoped it would change in my life.  I thought 'good grief! I'll never fill this page up.' Then I started writing.  By the time I made myself stop I had filled the front page and was running out of space on the back page.  It started with I want to look better and feel better.  Then it became I want to walk the entire mall without my feet hurting me so badly that I can't walk at all the next day.  I want to ride my bicycle down the Trinity River trails. I want to go tubing with my nieces and nephews and be able to actually get on the tube while in the water.  I want to go horseback riding without worrying about how badly I'm hurting the horse.  I want to go hiking without being afraid I'll have a stroke from the exertion. I want to dance an entire song without my face turning red and me panting for breath.  I want to be able to ride the rides at Six Flags without fear of not fitting. I don't want to worry that every chair I sit in might break in front of others. I want my nephews to actually have room to sit ON my lap. Well, you get the idea.  The list went on and on and on. I just didn't realize until that moment everything I've been missing because of my weight. That exercise more than anything convinced me that WLS is the step for me to take to get my life back.

So, all the research and headaches aside, for better or worse, I've decided on lapband and praying it's the right decision.  My insurance company requires 6 months of physician monitored diet and nutritional counseling and I'm about to complete the 6th appointment.  After this we will be able to pursue approval for the procedure.  Everything else that the insurance requires (and then some) has been done and/or obtained.

I have recently found out that I've got to have hemorrhoid surgery before the lapband can be done.  This procedure scares the crap (no pun intended) out of me! Now my boss is having extreme reservations and the thought of me being off work twice and has said that I will have to put the lapband off indefinitely.  That just about broke my heart.  I'm so close and to have her tell me I can't do it turned my world upside down...for about a day.  I'm a very resolute woman and I went to work.  What we've worked out is that I'll have the hemorrhoid surgery one week and the lapband the next week. That way I can recover from both at the same time.  Somebody please tell me this isn't as stupid as it sounds because I'm really scared!

Once I explained this to my employer they've decided that I must wait until after May 18th to have either surgery because they want to get FSC certified first (has to do with recycling) and they'll need my help to do it.  That's fine  because if nothing else, I am a team player...except that my insurance is changing AGAIN and as of May 1st my deductible and out of pocket will both be going up. Gee! I think I ought to be grandfathered in at the old values since the only reason I wouldn't have the surgery already by May 1 is that the company has asked me to hold off.  I shouldn't be financially penalized for doing my job.

So here I am...less than 2 months away from butt and fat surgery!  It's been a hectic, stressful 6 months for numerous other reasons (I'll spare you the details) but I've managed to not give up or give in and I feel like I'm really taking my life back for the first time in...EVER. I feel like even though I won't get a do-over at least I'm getting another chance at a fresh start.  It's taken a long time to get to this place in my life and while I'm still working on it I really do love it!  With God holding the reins it's a whole new world each and every day!

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