26 days and counting down

Jul 15, 2009

OMG! I just counted the days and I can't believe there are only 26 days until surgery.  It has seemed like such a distant event for so long that, now, the closer it gets the more scared I get.  It's not the procedure itself that scares me, it's the after life.  This is going to be such a huge change and it's not like any diet or exercise program I've done in the past in that when I get tired of doing it I can just quit.  There's no way to quit this.  I wonder if that's where the 3 month 'bump' comes in.  Merrill, the psychologist for Dr Ihde, says to warn all your supporters that 3-4 months out is when all patients hit this real hard period of 'why did I do this?', 'what was I thinking?'.  Now that I look at it, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to see a correlation between the bump and the quitting period.

I don't want to feel left out because I can't eat like others.  I don't want to get left out because I can't eat like everyone else.  I know I sometimes felt at a loss with Janet because I know food is not important to her anymore and it still was for me.  It's going to be that same way for me and everyone I know that hasn't had this surgery. The sad part is that we have to ask the question 'what do we do together if it's not eating?'.  I guess that explains part of how I got to where I'm at.

Ok, I'm trying to kick it in gear for quitting smoking.  I'm down to 1 cigarette a day now but I'm going river tubing with Janet, Blake & Michelle this weekend and they all smoke so I know I'm going to smoke too.  Maybe I'll buy a pack for the weekend and quit again Sunday night.  Oh!  Won't it be great to actually, comfortably, fit the tub the next time we go?!!

I'm also trying to kick it in gear for getting my aerobics in.  10,000 steps per day.  If it sounds like a lot of steps that's because it is. lol.  I carried my pedomoter for the first time yesterday and just in a normal day I put in 621 steps.  That's still a long way from 10k. Ugh!  Oh well, get used to it is what I'm thinking.  It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't so hot.  I've been contemplating getting up at 5 am and heading up to the Everman walking track that seems to be so popular, get an hour of walking in and head back to get ready for work.  That would definitely help but that's awful early.  I guess I'll never know till I try, right?  It sure would take a nice chunk out of the 10K.  According to Dr Ihde I've got to get a structured plan in place and that's the most important part of the exercising. Ok, ok, I'm working on it.  I still need to try out the new exercise thing I got for Wii.

I've got all the food stuffs for the first few weeks post surgery.  I've got all the meds they recommend.  I've got my baby spoons and the 2 oz cups.  I think everything is place but finishing the smoking and starting the exercising plan.  Now all I can do is wait...and wait...and wait. 

Really though, it's going a lot faster than I ever thought it would.  In fact, I find myself wanting to say WAIT, HOLD ON FOR JUST A LITTLE BITTY SEC!  One of the things I find myself doing is planning something for every week to help pass the time.  It breaks it up into smaller portions and makes it seem like it's going even faster. 4th of July family reunion, Harry Potter tonight, Guadalupe this weekend, dinner with Kristin on the 31st, got to fit in dinner with Bob sometime between now and then, July/August family birthdays including Starla's, etc, etc. I also find myself trying to eat everything that I can't or won't be able to eat after surgery and as much of it as I can fit in.  Lol, I'm getting so sick of food it's not even funny.

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