marilynh

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My 1 month was yesterday and when I saw the doctor he said everything was looking good. He did committ that on my ER visit my bloodwork was showing my liver being a little high and asked about my gallbladder. I told him that we did look at the gallbladder before surgery and he decided to leave it at that time. He is going to scope me to make sure that everything is okay being that nothing showed on the CT scan. He was able to give me liquid Celexa and sprinkle Depakote for my moods, so maybe my mental state will get back to normal and I won't be feeling so horrible. We also think that my vommitting could be linked to my mental state and that is why I am having a hard time eating. Won't know till after the scope and the meds get back in my system. I also seem to be getting a cold. I have head congestion with drainage, and as everyone knows the pouch can only hold so much and mucus I do not want in there taking up space. I took Nyquil last night about 9pm and at 5am was puking it up. It never went beyond my stomach and at midnight I was taking tums b/c of the heartburn. The dr said I could take whatever stayed down and I know pills don't stay down so maybe I'll look for some strips that go on the tongue for now unless anyone has any better suggestions. Well to get ready for another day.

I am tired and hungry and miserable. So here goes. I am 4 weeks post surgery (had surgery on 10/2) and all I can eat is liquids, clear liquids at that. Everything else I throw up. I am lightheaded and dizzy and when I went to the ER on Thursday night they could not find anything wrong. CT scan, bloodwork and urnalysis came back normal. So why then can I not hold anything down. Everything is also tasting gross to me. Tthe protein shakes taste horrible, even the premade ones and the ones I could tolerate last week. I am so over boullion cubes and they don't even offer me anything other than a different taste of water. I am an emotional eater and I have not been on my mood stabilizers or antidepressants in a month since I cannot hold anything down. My 4 year old is making life even harder because he can feel my ill mood and is not behaving and driving me nuts. I just want to cry, eat and sleep and I cannot do any of those things. I worked on having this surgery for 3 years and reached a heavy weight of 279lbs, but lately wonder if life would not have been easier/better if I just remained fat for the rest of my life. I want to eat, I would even settle for oatmeal, scrambled eggs something that is not pure water or flavored water. I am miserable and very unhappy. 

so today i am on my 2nd day of not really eating. I am trying but breakfast makes me nauseous and then when I eat lunch apparently my stomach is so empty that it makes gurgling noises clear up my throat. I do not know what to do, if i force breakfast i throw up. this is getting ridiculous.

I am so tired of throwing up or having to purge myself. I just want to go an entire week without having to throw up.

So I have a 4 year old son, and since the surgery everytime he eats he tells me his stomach hurts and he is sick. I have even noticed him acting like or trying to make himself puke. I have tried to hide this part of my surgery from him, but being a stay at home mom and with my husband deployed to Iraq it is difficult to hide everything. He hears me and notices when I am sick. Does anyone else have younger children that seem to be affected in this manner?

So I've been told to write, both by members and my therapist. I had my surgery 3 weeks ago and am have lost 21 lbs. This last week I have only lost 1 so I have hit my first plateau. Not excited about that. I have been able to pull a pair of size 24 jeans from the garage and fit into them. The rest of my clothes are now sorted into piles by sizes and once I hit 18 I will need to go shopping. About my recovery. My surgery went textbook and I had the surgery on a Friday and was released from the hospital on Sunday. The drainage tube came out about 10 days later and I have to say that it hurt me. All I can think about is food. I want everything from hot wings and nachos to steak and baked potatoes. I am struggling with wanting to eat out of boredom and loneliness. I have had some trouble with throwing up or having to purge myself after I eat somethings. I have tried oatmeal, scrambled eggs, and mashed potatoes and think at this time my body is not ready for it. I have some good support on Fort Lewis and have reevaluated my time line and am giving myself more time to start eating things. I am ready to chew something or even eat a soup without having to strain all the good stuff out. At this time I wonder if it would have been better to just be fat and try to diet harder but I know that I have already seen that path and that is why I chose the surgery and I know that this feeling will pass. I'm scared that with my only losing 1 lb this week that I am not going to lose anymore and wonder if I am doing everything right. I wonder too about my going to the bathroom, I only urinate about 2-3 times a day, first in the morning then about mid afternoon then before I go to bed. I feel like I am drinking all the time though. I don't know. This is my first blog entry so hopefully they will get better.,