Absolutely Miserable

Oct 31, 2009

I am tired and hungry and miserable. So here goes. I am 4 weeks post surgery (had surgery on 10/2) and all I can eat is liquids, clear liquids at that. Everything else I throw up. I am lightheaded and dizzy and when I went to the ER on Thursday night they could not find anything wrong. CT scan, bloodwork and urnalysis came back normal. So why then can I not hold anything down. Everything is also tasting gross to me. Tthe protein shakes taste horrible, even the premade ones and the ones I could tolerate last week. I am so over boullion cubes and they don't even offer me anything other than a different taste of water. I am an emotional eater and I have not been on my mood stabilizers or antidepressants in a month since I cannot hold anything down. My 4 year old is making life even harder because he can feel my ill mood and is not behaving and driving me nuts. I just want to cry, eat and sleep and I cannot do any of those things. I worked on having this surgery for 3 years and reached a heavy weight of 279lbs, but lately wonder if life would not have been easier/better if I just remained fat for the rest of my life. I want to eat, I would even settle for oatmeal, scrambled eggs something that is not pure water or flavored water. I am miserable and very unhappy. 

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