mary_rn

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4/21/08

Well this past weekend, my husband and I spent it at the race track in memphis.  I believe I have mentioned somewhere that I am not really into racing, but I am his biggest fan.  

The accomplishment is that I went 4 whole days without weighing.  I was chopping at the bit this morning to step on them scales .  I lost another 2 pounds.  I seem to be slowing down now with the weight loss.  I know that sounds KRAZY.  What is slow about 83 lbs in 3 1/2 months?

While I was in Memphis, I had to buy a shirt.  What size should I buy, I pondered for 3 days.  I could not make myself buy a small.  I just could not.  So I bought a medium shirt that says Chevy girl.  I had my picture taken with it laying over my stomach.  This will be another before and after picture in the making.  I can now dream of the day that I can wear this shirt.

Everyday of my new life, I am struck with revelations of my past.  I can not ever remember wearing a MEDIUM  shirt.  My earliest memory was probably an extra large.  One day when I am thinking about it, I will ask my mom about it.  I do know that by the time I started to notice things like clothing size, I was already in plus sizes.  

On with another clothes story.   I went to walmart.  I bought a 2x shirt and 22W capri's.  Now I know that I already placed this in an earlier post, but for some reason, I am stuck on the sizes, mentally stuck that is.  As I was shopping, I kept looking at the 3x shits.  I had to completely make myself walk away.  The pants I bought without any thought besides, I HOPE THESE FIT.  Did I think that I grew?  When will my perception ever change of myself?  Self perception is now my battle.  That along with the 128 lbs left to lose.
I will post a picture of the "SHIRT" soon.
Mary

4/9/08

Well yesterday I went to KMart, shopping off the clearance rack, I bought 7 pairs of jeans and 4 shirts.  The sizes were as follows 
3 pairs- 24W
4 pairs- 22W
4 shirts- 1x (they were stretchy to go under my other shirts)                                   

Today when I dressed, I noticed something.  They were too big! The pants that is.  How exciting is that?  Tomorrow I will take back the 24W and put on the 22's.  My weight must be shifting. I don't think I was a 22 in high school.  You know to think of it, it must be the stretch jeans that are in style.  I always hated tight jeans.  

I have to say that I was in better spirits once I realized the jeans were too big tonight.  I was kind of bummed out about the latest plateau.  I have been 278 or 279 every day for 10 days.  I am ready for a drop.   Oh well, the smaller size made me happy.  My husband says it is because I work out every day, and I am building muscle.   We'll see. 

Even at this weight, I think I am smaller now than I was at 19.  I can seem to remember when I neared 300 pounds.  I do believe that I was 19 or 20 then.  I know I was at least 250 when I graduated high school.  My memory is getting foggy.  I may have even been 280.  Yes I do believe that I was wrong in my very first introduction.  I was 280 graduating high school.  Oh well, on with the story.  I remember when I first tipped the scales at nearly 300.  I was so sad.  I said to my mom and dad, "I am at the weight now that I always said some body should shoot me and get me out of my misery".  Now I was not nor am not suicidal.  I remember calling all the hot lines that day.  Jenny Craig, weight watchers, nutrisystem.  I was looking for the magic cure.  Something to make me skinny.  If only I knew then the determination that I needed to embed in my brain, maybe I would of lost the weight long ago.  I maintained my weight for several years, despite boozing and eating horribly with no exercise.  When I quit smoking I had the large weight gain which brought me to where I am today.  

I am so thankful for my tool.  I pray to always respect it.  I know one thing is for sure.  When I get down to my goal weight, and the unfortunate event happens such as a small weight gain, I know within my heart, I will never see 300 lbs again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Until next time, 
Mary                                                                                              

4/7/08

Well today I am 3 months out.  Wow! where should I begin?  I have been picking up the protein.   I am currently using the Slim Fast high protein/ low carb premaid drink.  It is getting better.

I am now 278 lbs!!!!  I can not believe it.  Everyday I amaze myself.  Yesterday, I was in the back seat of my friends van and I was able to stare at me the whole way to the zoo.  I guess I can see now why people are saying that my facial features are changing.  BECAUSE THEY ARE!!!!

I will post later!
Mary

3/29/08

Well, today was the first time I was able to get in all my protein.  Not with out the act of painfully heaving a short while later.  I finally realized why.  I drank it right after lunch (well after the 30 minutes of course).  I guess I was too full and then drank that aweful stuff.  I have a very hard time eating when I drink protein.  The absolute only problem I have is that stuff.  I will try it again tomorrow.  

As far as me, I have to say that I am enjoying the compliments that  I receive.  It may just be giving me a great big EGO!.  Well maybe that is what positive self esteem feels like.  Last night my husband and I went out to meet a group of my friends, I received comliments all night long.  I don't recall having compliments the first time that I was at 283 but now is a whole different story.  

I will tell you a quick story.  memehere (in my friends list) is truely a friend fo mine.  We were grade school friends.  We met when we were in 5th grade.  As we went on to high school, closer to senior year, we went seperate paths.  She got married, had babies and moved away.  I later married her husband's cousin.  It is such a small world.  We have had some contact on and off at family funerals over the years.  FAST FORWARD STORY  I met up with her the week before my surgery.   I was amazed.  She looked wonderful.  Well, her RNY was 5 months before mine.  I looked on her OH pic's the other day, when I was aware that she posted pictures.  SHE IS SO AMAZING!!  I wonder if she will ever know her before and after pics as of now made it to my fridge.  If you read this please look at her profile.
The reason of posting this story is that my husband tells me that I just do not see how much I am losing.  He wonders how I am so happy and so in awe every time I look at her pic, and not see it in my own self.  I believe that it is perception.  I know I am losing, I know it by pounds, I know it by clothes, I know it by compliments.  When I look ino the mirror I see me.  People say my facial features are changing.  I do not see that.  I guess it will take time.

I am truely happy for my new stomache and "tool".  
Till next time,
Mary

3/20/08

Hello everyone!

I weighed today.  I am 288.  Goal is 144.  I HAVE TO LOSE EXACTLY HALF OF MY BODY!  Oh well, at least I am at half.  

I ordered some protein liquid stuff from GNC.  I hope it is tolerable.  I have not taken my protein supplements because they make me gag.  I have been noticing in the shower that I am losing hair.  Also, when I brush my hair I am losing quite a bit.  I do not want to be bald so I best work on this.  I figure that I should be able to dilute the liquid to make it taste better.  I pray that this one works out.  I have spent so much wasted money on protein.  I will keep you posted.

Every thing else has been going as planned.  I continue to do great.  I have not had any problems.  I have not yet "dumped", THANK GOD!  I continue to eat anything that I want.  Is this a good thing or a bad thing?  I hope that I can stay focused for years to come.  I again will say, I want to be a success.

I will write more later,
Mary

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3/16/08

Another shopping story.   I went to buy new clothes today.  I now have 5 outfits that fit me.  I do not want to buy too many at a time.  The best part of it is that I shopped off the clearance rack at walmart (what a bargain I got).  Im in each outfit under $10.  

The scales moved today.  I am now 289 lbs.  I haven't been this size in years.  I am looking forward to things to come.  

You know, today I heard "Mary May you best stop losing weight you are melting away to nothing."  I explained to my old buddy that I still had 145 lbs left to lose.  He did not believe me.  Thing is I am hearing this comment alot lately.  Could it be that the Mary every one knows and loves is suppose to remain fat in their eyes?  I guess I never really thought about the public's view of me.  They truely have never seen me under 280 in the area that I live now.  I guess it is a shock to them as well.  I hope they are ready for the new and improved me at or around my goal weight of 144 lbs.  

Till next time,
Mary

3/15/08
hello to all!

People are starting to notice there is something different about me.  Maybe its the new hair style, the frequent manicure's, the occasional dangly earrings, or a certain bounce in my step, with a smile on my face.  What ever they notice, one thing is for sure, they realize that I am losing weight.  

I had to purchase new bra's yesterday.  WOW was amazed!  What a selection.  I have purchased my bras on line for quite some time now (no one had my size 48DDD).  I am now down to 44DD.  So I am losing boobs, they will be replaced soon enough.  I am sure right after my body lift!  These new bras are some thing else.  They are padded!  Now why does a DD need to be padded?  Well with the padding and the underwire I really have a nice bust (with clothes on of course)  even I can't quit staring.  

I may have said in a previous post but here it goes again if so:  I will have Dolly Parton's attitude once I hit goal weight.  IF IT SAGS, LAGS OR DRAGS IT WILL BE FIXED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight at work I am wearing a baggy pair of sweats, a form fitted white tee, with a jacket.  The point behind this, is that the pants are really baggy.  I was told by one of my co-workers that I was withering away to nothing and these pants must be retired.  They are too big!  PLEASE, I am still 292 lbs, I have plenty left to wither!  I will retire these pants when I get home.  Oh my this means, I must shop!

I have hit another plateu.  I will see some more drop soon.  I am starting to enjoy exercise.  DiD I say that?  Well till next time,

Mary

3/7/08
Today is officially my two month anniversary.  drum roll please................I am down to 292 lbs.  That is a total loss of 63 lbs.  Yesterday I measured and I am down a total of 89 inches.  WOW  I can not believe it.  I hope to make the most of my first 6 months.  I would like to lose at least 120 during this time.  
Until later,
Mary

3/5/08

Well today was my 6 week post op appt, but it was late so it was actually 2 days shy of my 2 month surgery anniversary.  I am down 59 lbs.!!!!  I hope to be down 1 more pound by Friday.  The appointment went well.  Dr. Van Wagner said I was doing great.  My BMI has went down 9 points! Some times it seems like magic.  I go back to see him in 2 months.  I wonder what I will be DOWN to then????  I went to the store today to buy clothes for spring ( I have a trip to memphis in April) and I could not decide which size to buy, so I decided to wait until the week before to buy, I wouldn't want them to be too big.    
Another thing that happened to me yesterday.  My husband and I went out for lunch, and I fit comfortable (with extra room) in a booth.  We have not sat in a booth for ever.  I was so overwelmed by that small accomplishment.  Life is truely going to get better.  

My husband is truely my biggest fan.  He is my encouragment, and my personal cheerleader.  He is as excited as me about every pound that is lost.  He brags about it daily, to someone, somewhere. 
Until next time,
Mary