What a HUGE surprise! and not in a good way

Nov 23, 2011

 Well today i went to see the Nurse Practioner (Patti) , very nice woman, who did my weigh in and all that ..and i actually had to take a moment to comprehend the numbers i saw....223..At first i thought that was pounds, and was surprised as i knew that could not be right and then it dawned on me that it was 223 kilos..or 512lbs...i almost dropped (thank goodnees i didn't  or a crane would need to come)..i started to cry..i didn't mean to but it just came..how did i get to this point...i feel so terribly sick to my stomach..i feel so much hate towards my self...yes i know this is my fault but i honestly have been trying really hard...my doctor could never give me an accurate reading as the scales did not go that high but i never expected to weigh half a ton! Literally that's what i am...nurse must have seen the look on my face and tried to cheer me up  by telling me that at least i don't have to do a sleep study (as i have no issues) and that i have no co-abnormalites as so many do.. i put on a smile as i know she was trying...i just wish i had my parents to say that they still  love me because right now i don't love myself...all i see is a big blob of failure and embarrassment...i really just needed to cry this one out and talk to others who may have felt or feel this way..i feel more alone now than i did.... 

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