marymo362

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Good Morning!

This is really an amazing day so far! It’s Friday (always well-loved) and I am down a size in jeans, with surgery coming up on Tuesday. That’s such a great feeling! Tomorrow is my birthday and my co-workers decorated my cube after I left yesterday, left a beautiful card and a dozen white roses. Another co-worker brought me Arizona hot sauce from her trip to Phoenix…..knowing and remembering my penchant for hot sauce!  Another co-worker went to Pier 1 and found a darling frog that I have hung from my shelf---it’s attached to a long boingy spring – he’s darling!

I LOVE birthdays---mine and everyone else’s but this year I am really anticipating my Re-Birth-Day which is Tuesday at 11:00 AM!

Hey everyone have a most wonderfullest weekend!

I got home from work today and saw the "Bag of What Goes With Me on Tuesday" and had a flashback to pre-labor with my son over 30 years ago. You know, that bag you were told to pack at about, I don't know, a month or so before expected birthdate,  to take to the hospital with you when you went into labor. It made me giggle, what a lovely memory.

And then, I thought....WOW, that is how long my body has held on to this weight. I packed that "bag" and kept adding to it over the years, long after my son and then my daughter were delivered into this  world.  Over 30 years of struggling to conquer my weight issues. The issues themselves have changed over the years but there nonetheless.

Tuesday, my bariatric surgeon, Catherine Boulay of Salem, OR and her careful team are scheduled to give me the tool I will use the rest of my life to lose weight and keep it off. 

I am grateful, I am compliant, and I am so ready.

Loser's Bench....move OVER!

Mary

Today The Dude joined me at my surgeon's office for the final informational meeting with my medical team. I watched him pale a bit while the surgeon walked through the mandatory "here's what can go wrong" section. He reached for my hand, across the room and smiled. He knows how badly I want this. Need this. You see, it IS going to save my life. He for the first time saw my blood pressure and I could see how it made him ache. 

So many behaviors changed already. In fact, today is a case in point. My surgery is a week from tomorrow, I have been on the liquid diet for 10 days already. For an instant my brain said HAVE A FOOD FUNERAL< HAVE PIZZA/burger/fried fish. and then my real brain said, you have some beautiful baked ricotta waiting for you at home for your dinner. Easy and better for you. 

made it through that craziness, it 'twas but a momentary knee-jerk old time reaction, looking for food justification. Turned it DOWN!

have a lovely remainder of a Monday folks!

This is an evening of introspection for me. Feeling emotional, going between laughter and tears. So, I think I am hungry. Oh wait, yes I am hungry. F'ing hungry as H-E-Double Hockeysticks. I HAVE to make weight tomorrow at my noon o'clock pre-op meeting which includes my medical team and The Dude. (The Dude is my sweet husband, who is my rock, and is more loving than I think I can ever be!)

My RNY is scheduled for the 18th at 11:00 AM, so making weight is vital! I sound like a high school/college wrestler......making weight! It's at least as important. Folks, I am morbidly obese, and I have been hiding inside my weight for a long time. Struggles, yes but following a sexual and physical assault in 1998 I have watched myself balloon with all kinds of personal assistance. I was always going to make damn sure no one ever wanted to assault me again.  This issue has taken a fair amount of therapy to understand that weight was not the real issue. Emotional eating, protective consumption, a couple years of self-medicating, advocating for everyone but me. 

Well, that's a wrap! I have turned that around, thank you very much and working all the time on this. And now..... self-improvement. 

Thank you for listening, thank you for being here!

Peace!

I have only 12 days to wait for my life-changing surgical procedure, and I feel as though I have my head on pretty straight. I am not looking for rainbows, unicorns, magic....I am looking for and anticipating a boost to get a significant amount of weight off so I can continue to increase my activity level. So many goals and so many things I am going to take part in! CANNOT WAIT!  really, having a hard time waiting. 

I do have another 5 pounds left that has to come off before i can get on the table. It's happening though, each day I am down at least a pound, on average.

Something that has come of this choice already is that I have met some pretty amazing people, both online and in person! Gillian....that's you, in person!

Time to get back to work

My face is thinner, my clothes are getting loose, I pee a LOT. I go to workouts at the gym, I walk on breaks. I don't go out for drinks on the weekend and god knows I don't recall what a hamburger and fries taste like anymore.  And I don't crave them! much

All my life I have put everyone and everything ahead of me, that's what we do!  Women.....mid-westerners....we do. Did! This year is my year! My son is 30, my daughter got married. My nest is empty, I have a great job with fabulous benefits. it's time. for about 15 years I have been  thinking about this surgery. 8 years ago I went to an informational session, and decided I would wait. I am glad i waited.Life is better now, all the planets are aligned! Time to do it! Researching for 6 months........it's time

I got fast-tracked to a surgery date, March 18th. I still have to lose 6 pounds by the 12th so I can get in for my closed RNY. So, to be able to garner my slotted surgery spot on the 18th I have to lose that weight. I know I got it! 

I have been making new friends who are surgery buddies, both virtually and in person here in ol' Salem Oregon. I now have to meet the surgeon (I switched surgeons part way through the process and will meet her next week)

I am headed toward health. I have been in denial for so long. You familiar with body dysmorphia? I absolutely am stunned and taken aback when I see photos of me; I did not believe that I am (was) 312 pounds. In my head I was much thinner and much more healthy. Possibly came from the fact that i hike, bike, walk, do 5Ks several times a year. But I have been nothing more than a pair of killer blue eyes in the mirror in my car because I never look at myself. No full length mirror at home. I avoid window reflections. when I do see me in a window reflection i think mostly about how distorted the glass must be.

I have now had my "annual" exam, which brings me to the point of doing everything I can before my surgeon's visit January 10th. Mammo---CHECK; Labs---CHECK; Insurance Coverage---CHECK; Phys. referral---CHECK. RESEARCH---CHECK CHECK CHECK!~

Now, lose the rest of my 5% !!!!