Update..kinda depressed and mixed emotions...

Nov 02, 2009

I have some days where I am soo happy that I have had this opportunity to have a life changing surgery. Then I have days where I get soo depressed. I know my husband means well. I know how much he loves me for me, but last night he said that he loves this body more and cant keep his hands off me now that I have lost all this weight. It kinda made me upset. Sometimes he says things without thinking it would hurt my feelings. This kinda did hurt a little. Granted, yes I know I ate myself to that weight, and I knew what was going to happen once I lost weight. I just didnt expect to feel "post partum" depression. I call it that because I feel the same way I did after I had my 3 kids. Depressed.

My kids also have said more things about the heavier me. They dont get picked on any more that their mommy is fat. Mommy is not that fat any more. I only have 26lbs until I hit goal wt. I should be happy, but I sometimes resent this body I am in now.

My back doesnt hurt as much as it used to, but now I fall alot more..Why i dont know?!?! 

I just wish I could be more confident and comfortable in this new body. I felt comfortable before. Maybe thats why I got the way I was. I got comfortable. I was heavy when my middle child was born (179lbs, which for a small framed, short person, is heavy) and when I lost the baby weight I weighed 127lbs. I  was very sick with that pregnancy (as I was with all 3). I stayed at that weight until I met my husband in 2002. My daughter was 4 months old. Now here I am 7yrs later, and almost to that weight once again. My children dont know the thinner me. To them I have always feen fat.

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