Jennifer M.

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Hi.. well soo much has happened.... My husband and I got a divorce and i went through a self destruction phase after he left. started drinking a lot.. and finding love in all the wrong places..that is until i rekindled things with my middle daughters father in February.. Well.. we are now planning on a wedding in Aug (8/6/11).. i have stopped looking for love in the wrong places, and stopped drinking. Who ever said something about cross addictions is soo right.  I became a party animal.. partying all the time... if there was alcohol involved..i was there....


In November 2010, on Facebook...I accidentally found my daughters father..whom i havent spoken to since she was a baby...shes almost 10 now.. I decided to travel to Cleveland, Ohio in Fabruary to see him (went alone)... It was instant.. Like he and I were never separated all this time. I fell head over heels in love with him all over again. But it wasnt until the end of march where he asked me to be his wife. I excitedly accepted. My daughter knows hes her father, and loves him so much. He is moving up here to NY.. Im so excited...


Next month, 5/20...is my 2yr anniversary. I have bypassed my goal weight and couldnt be happier.. I went from 240lbs down to 115lbs... My wedding dress is a size 6... soooo happy..

 Hi, I went to this place called Journey's End Refugee Assistance to apply for my internship for the fall, as I am due to graduate with my associates in May 2011. So I go there to the interview, and am told I got it! Im soo psyched!! I will be picking up refugees from the airport and help them settle (resettlement program), and help them establish residence, get medical care, obtain employment and visas, etc... OHH i cant wait to start. It will be such fun, i hope. the lady told me how crazy it can be, I told her that with having 3 kids, work part time, and going to school, my life is crazy already, and I wouldnt have it any other way! I love my life crazy..hehe So...yayy to me :)

Hope this finds everyone well!!

Well it has been just under 10months since surgery. I am down 104lbs and only have 7lbs until I reach my goal of 115. This has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Am I proud of what this surgery has done for me? Absolutely!! If I didnt have this surgery, then I may very well may have ended up sick with diabetes, high cholesterol, etc... These days I am so much healthier. I just try every day to maintain this weight loss. I want to be a success story and not gain the weight back. I am looking forward to this summer...being able to be more active with my children. I can't wait to go shopping for my own summer clothes. My husband says I don't need any more clothes, but what I try to explain to him is that I need summer clothes..Yes I have enough winter clothes (i tend to go shopping wkly now LOL) so I am psyched about buying that bathing suit that I would never have purchased before. yayy me 

I may sound shallow or ungrateful..This is not the case in what I am about to say..I was not prepared for how I was to feel about my "new" body. I wish someone would have explained the whole extra skin, and rashes that come with losing over 100lbs would do... I have rashes under the extra skin folds..no matter how much I shower..it keeps coming back. I have to wear a middle body wrap thingy because of the extra skin on my belly..it hangs over my pants and is unsightly (or so I think)... I am not sure how to go about plastic surgery and how to get my health insurance to cover it..I could never afford to pay for it on my own... Do I sound shallow? I sure hope not... But everyone is entitled to their own opinions... I have been through a lot to be where I am today... See below...

***I am very grateful for this surgery, and I do not regret it at all... All the eating issues I had in the beginning have all subsided..BUT I still look at food as the enemy..I dont know if I will ever get over that feeling. It is no longer my crutch when happy, sad, lonely, depressed or bored.. I make sure I keep busy..going to school, working, and keeping up with 3 active children is enough to keep me from eating myself back to 200+ lbs... I dont see myself as having an eating disorder, rather I see myself as a person with an addictive personality. It is genetic, it runs in my family.. My biological mother was addicted to sex, drugs, alcohol and eating. She was well over 200lbs. I see myself in recovery from the addiction, an addiction that in the end could have killed me..people around me said if i could exercise more, cut down, etc... but anyone who is overweight can tell you..thats not the case.. We have an issue with food in general..almost like a love affair..or at least that is who it was for me. Do I miss it? Sometimes the comfort is still there... but more times that not, it is not there any more..I find comfort in reading a good book, watching my kids goof around, and being able to be more active with my kids.

We all know eventually we must be on our own and that there comes a time when you must stand on your own two feet... Im talking about our weight loss journey. I am up 6lbs and I am sure that it has to do with something I must be doing wrong. I try to exercise and eat right, but sometimes it is hard to do that when you are on the go... But I am making this promise to myself... I need to take better care of me..I have the right to be not only mentally healthy, but physically healthy too.. So from today on out..I have to eat healthier and get more exercise... BUT there is one thing I am very proud of..I was able to fit my skinny butt into a size 4 pants..tightly, but able to button them..AND I bought yoga pants from old navy, and they are a medium...but they are too big!!

I did have some awesome wow moments recently that made 2009 look like it was meant to be my year!! I got my grades for this past semester... 3.15gpa (B in english, B+ in Biology and C+ in math). I have NEVER had anything much higher than a 2.75. Then to top it all off, I lost 95lbs in this past year. I havent lost any recently, but just the whole idea of losing almost 100lbs is awesome!!

I also just got in contact with my family once again..I hadnt spoken to them in 5yrs, and my 2 youngest children didnt even know who they were...So 2010 should be better yet... I only have 10-15lbs to go until my personal goal of 115 or 110.. I am of "normal" weight for my height though.. I go to the drs tomorrow for my 8month follow up appt, and i am going to a nutritionist to tweek my diet for more protein and vitamins in the foods i eat..I dont think im doing a very good job...sooo we shall see...

Ok so yesterday was the bestest day everrrr!!! I went shopping at Areopostle for the first time EVER!! I never thought I would fit into their clothes, and I did. For the first time i felt like a normal person.. Even though people say I look awesome, etc... I never believed them. That is, until yesterday when I tried on my first pair of jeans...10/12 were too big!! 7/8 fit like a glove..a very sexy glove for once. I felt sexy in a pair of jeans. I bought 2 pairs (they were buy 1 get 1 free)...Then I thought it was a fluke that they fit, so I went to Macy's (my hubby got me gift cards for there for christmas) so I tried on a size 10 pant..again too big...then the 7/8...again, fit like a glove..I cant believe that I am a 7/8 in pants!!!! There is no going back now..I vow to stay this small..I do not want to be a 22/24 again... I feel soo great about myself...

The one thing I didn't feel so good about was being in the hospital for christmas.. i was just in for a few hrs, but I was unable to keep food down again..My husband thinks I have an eating disorder..I do not have an eating disorder... I just have a hard time with food... He thinks I am making my self puke by sticking my finger down my throat..I dont think I could do that.. Oh well...I go to the drs next week and for now I am on a liquid diet :)

This time of year was always special to me.. I never got along with my family, but there was always one person in my life I could turn to..One person that could get me through anything that went on in my life, good or bad. She was my best friend. Well over the summer some things were done, and said, and now we are no longer friends. Some things were said in anger..All on my part. I feel like such a terrible person. She was my soulmate (in a friendship kind of way). We were closer than 2 sisters. Sure we had our disagreements, but we barely ever fought. But this time was different. My husband and I were having some problems, so I left him and stayed at her house for a little while. She told me if i went back she would never speak to me again.. I shared too many of my problems with her in the ways of my marriage. Well, I went back... And she lived up to what she had said. So I told her that I hated her... I know.what a terrible thing to say. At that point in time, I did hate what she was  making me do. I didn't feel I should have to choose between my best friend of 20yrs, and my husband of 6yrs (at the time). I had made her and her husband my sons god parents, against my husbands wishes. When I went in for surgery, she had been there until I got into my room after surgery. 

Well my kids birthdays have come and gone..and she didnt even send them birthday cards (i would have thought she would have sent my son one at least, after all, she gets him if something happens to my husband and i). My kids miss them, I miss them, and my husband doesnt want me to have anything to do with them... But she was a major part of my life for 20yrs.   Now I want her back in my life..regardless of what he says.. I wrote her an email..so lets see what happens...

Ok so i got weighed again today!!! 2 more lbs lost...which makes it a 90lbs lost, and only 13 left to goal!!! ALSO BMI Calculator says I am of get this....BRACE YOURSELF!! I am of NORMAL weight for my size...at 128lbs it is the normal wt!!! But when I say I have 13lbs to go until goal..that is my own personal goal..I want to get to 115, but 128 is ok too!! I cant believe it..I literally almost passed out on the scale today!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMGosh...

Today I decided to step on the scale today...Lost another couple pounds..Down to 128# as of today!!!! Total lost: just over 90!!!! My kids and husband bought me a necklace a couple of years ago for Mother's day and it was too small.. Well today I put it on..and IT FIT!! I couldnt believe it! My husband also is getting my wedding rings sized...and im went from a 7.5 down to a 6. I was also joking with my husband today, and he picked me up!! He has  never been able to pick me up!! SOO that was the self esteem boost!!!