Mendy2009

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well surgery was monday at 1 pm. Baptist hospital was fantastic. great staff very good service. I woke up monday night about 7 took a walk, and went back to bed. walked a few times in the middle of the night. the next morning I got some water, super saltey soup, and full sugar jello. I didnt eat anything the first day. I finally got a sugar free popcycle. on the third day I went home about noon. I can drink ok but cant eat much.. it hurts. I can only say it feels like colic. I did get a really bad cough which I am probably going to get a chest xray tomorrow. not much else to say. I thought that I would have all these details to report but it was rather un-eventful... which is good. Dr Freidman was wonderful and the nurses at the hospital were fantastic. thanks to all who  sent kinds letters and calls and text messages... I appreaciate all your prayers they worked great... I need to have some healing with the cough now so a few more prayers would be great.  

Well its my turn to post Day Before Surgery...I just wrote this post and it didnt take for some reason.. now I dont want to re-write all those words I just wrote out. guess they were not that important... LOL. anyway tomorrow it the big day I am ready. It will be baptist hosp pensacola fl 1pm.
See Y'all on the Losing side.

M

wow super tired today. no energy... I feel like I am in slow motion. I still had a lot to do today to get ready. but now I am ready.

today was busy busy busy... I didnt even think about food today. miracle number 1... I saw the dr today. my  pre-op went well paid my hospital bills and that took from noon to 4 o clock.  Tomorrow will be another busy day and  hopefully I will not feeling like eating..

First day of the clear fluid diet... its been a long day and still going. I had 3 protein drinks, 4 waters, 1 jello, 2 coffees,1 broth, 2 popcycles and I am hungry.... LOL. a little belly hungry and really head hungry. I have taken two walks, and rode my bike.stayed busy all day and I think I have been to the bathroom mega times and need to go now.! how am I going to make 4 1/2 more days....saturday I cant have protein, have to do the bowel pre kit.. yippie... what am I doing? I am not sure what to think at this point. I know that after its done and down the road it will be ok, but at this point looking forward and I shaking in my boots. I am about to radically alter my body on PURPOSE!

I go the the NUT meeting tonight. I haven't been on since my son came home a week ago. he is not finding any work so he moved back home. Its hard out there right now. Not sure how I feel. serious, sad, not excited...whats up with those feelings. I have wanted this for so many years and its finally within my grasp and I can't get up for it? I know it will help me get to my goals. I should be embarrassing it. instead I feel nothing, kinda flat... I know things in my life are about to change drastically and at 30 yrs old it would have been easier, but at nearly 50 its hard to make those big life changes. I know its what I need to do for a longer life and I WILL WORK THE TOOL... to get off the blood sugar meds, but I am already grieving my meal time with my family. I know it will resume and morph into something new. we will still have those good times around the dinning room table. its our family time and it always has been. I have had dinner on the table every night for 22 yrs. we didn't last night it was great all the kids were here with their friends what fun... I will miss that part for me. I want to still cook for them. I am rambling on and on for myself so I can look back at my feelings. this way I will have clear understanding on the loosing side someday... LOL.

its getting closer now. I have this week then the fun begins. liquids, colon cleanse, then off to the hospital. not sure what to say. I have read some of the most amazing stories. some ladies are such good writers and to think that was my major in college... journalism.. my professor would give me a "D".. LOL I have read some of the goals people has posted. I haven't thought about goals yet. since my focus is to get off blood sugar medication so I can have more time on this earth with my family, I haven't really thought about the benefits of being smaller, maybe I can't dare to dream about it since that is all I have dreamed about for years. what I would do If I were thin... since I started planning the surgery, I haven't thought about being slim once...I find that strange. I told my friends this past week and told my prayer group tonight I was having this surgery. some were not sure what to say, others were supportive, all said they would pray...I know this is what I need to do to live longer. I know that God has more for me to do here. I know that our lives are but a vapor, here and then gone. But I have some promises from God that I have not yet seen, and in order to fulfill those promises I will have to be healthy and live a while longer. So my goals seem to differ somewhat. I want to go where the Lord sends me. Do what he has for me to do. If he calls me to go into the mission field in a  foreign country I want to be able to do it. I want my to be able to stand on my feet to speak at a ladies meeting and then pray for them. My life is all about Jesus and doing the will of my Father.I know that sounds so religious but I don't mean it too. Its just that I have had such life changing experiences with Jesus over and over again in my life, this is just one more of them. My husband and I live and give our lives to and for Jesus. The smaller pants size and the fitting in the airplane seat is a wonderful bonus. I guess as I sit here and think about it. I know that I will me more comfortable that's going to be awesome...easier to breathe, sit, walk, less foot pain, eating daintily and in small controlled amounts, no double chin staring back at me in the mirror, less dark circles under the eyes, able to my a bra in a store besides lane Bryant, although I really like their bras, taking a hike down the canyon in the mountains without have to worry am I going to make it out all in one piece and if I cant can they get a helicopter down here!!!. those are a few goals for a smaller me. I am going to try to post my measurements this week. I want to have all this info so I have something to really look back at.

There are so many stories about swine flu...I can not get sick. I have less that three weeks to go. I have been trying to stay away from the public but we had three church services in 4 days with lots and lots of people. I am going to walmart today but I will take hand sanitizer with me to put on the cart. I am past the worried part now just into the planning and getting ready mode. that's what I do best. the get ready and plan mode. its not until later that I tend to fall apart... LOL. well I never really fall apart but my strong point is the gearing up part. My plan for this week is to take all my measurements and practice drinking slowly...I have all my vitamins already and I have started taken them. I have my protein mix and I am going to get the rest of my fluids of choice today. I have been on a sugar detox for a week and only broke it once.. yahoo that's good for me. I am so proud of myself. normally that would not have been the case. even though I have been using the shakes as one meal a day and cutting out sugar and fat and heavy carbs...I have only lost .4 lbs how lame is that. my husband would have dropped 5 easy...   .4 lbs that's an insult and I would have run out and had whatever I wanted and on top of that my blood sugars after having a shake for lunch and just chicken for dinner nothing else 4 hours later my blood sugars were 149! whats up with that. I have been on my bike two times  a day... not too hard just peddling...I have been cleaning and doing things. so I don't understand. my body is so cruel to me. well I am going to fix that...

Ok I know I am not suppose to worry but hey I am a real-est... what if kind of gal... I have been trying to read some blogs of women who are 5 yrs out. I worry that I will be like so many others I know and heard of that failed. They lost 100+ lbs only to put it right back and then some... I cant do that. I will die from diabetes and I worry that I will fail too. How can I get a grip on that fear and say to myself that wont happen to you when I have failed at diets my entire life? I have been thin  two times in my adult life ( short lived about a yr) only to put it all back the then some, so how will this be any different. OMG what a disapointment I will be to my family and to myself as well that those I minister too!!!! Yikes I am getting way out on the fringes....It was better three weeks ago when I was just excited about the thought of having a chance at doing this for my health, now I have worked into the what if I dont keep the weight off mind set...I wonder if anyone or all have gone thru these thinking patterns. I know that I will pass this phase and move into another. since it is a journey I have not traveled I will just post what I feel and think when I feel and think them... I have made a few changes already to get ready for oct 5th. no sugar....stretch, walk and take vitamins. so its time to walk and take my vitamins... later.

not too sure about posting...I know others can read so I dont just want to blah blah blah my way thru some text. but my son called about 2am said he was lost in south carolina and drove 2 hours in the wrong direction to get home with no money and no minutes left on his phone. I got  gas in his car and a policeman gave him directions to get back to charlotte the his phone cut off and I havent heard from him. its now 3:22 am. I have been praying for his safe return home. I fully trust that God will get him home and he can get a good night sleep, well whats left of it. You dont know this but my son DJ is very sweet and kind young man 24 yr old. He was riding in a car with some kids who were drunk three years ago and was nearly killed in an auto accident. He was in a coma for months. He came thru and is now trying to make is way thru life. He couldnt find work here in southern alabama so he went to live with a friend in charlotte. he did tell me on the phone that he was at a job interview this afternoon in a new town but some how he got confused and went the wrong way on the interstate and before he knew it he was lost. so I want to thank God right now for his many blessings in DJ's life. As for me, I am tired but cant sleep. just reading others posts and seeing their amazing transformation. I went to Penny's yesterday with my husband to get him a shirt, came home with 8...but when I went past the WOMENS dept I looked over at the clothes and said to myself. I will never have to shop in that department again...why to they seperate it anyway? isnt it already hard enough being xxxlg? so make it more uncomfortable for us by putting our clothes in a different area. whats up with that. why do we have to have xxxlg stores? if so many of us americans are over weight why are their more clothes for thin people and less for us? I remember when i was a teen only 150 lbs back then my best friend was tiny...size 5. she shopped at a store called 5-7-9 shop. thats the only sizes they carried!!! I was in a 14- 16. I felt so fat back then.. oh to be that now! anyway I need to get to bed I will be too tired to do anything tomorrow oops today if I dont get any sleep.