Michelle Ma Belle

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So, I had a "WOW" moment over the weekend.  When I first saw Dr. Aranow in 2005, I was wearing size 28 jeans.  As I lost weight, I was able to wear 26s.  Well, yesterday I was looking through my drawers and found a brand new pair, never been worn, tags still on of 24s.  I put them on and they FIT! I didn't even have to lie down on the bed and struggle to zip them!!!! I was also able to put on a long sleeved tee shirt that I haven't worn in about 3 or 4 years.  It's a 2X, but it's still pretty awesome that I can wear it! I was wearing a 3X shirt. 

As of this morning, I have lost 37 pounds since surgery on 3/28.  It's really amazing to me.  I have been walking my butt off recently.  Last week I found a walking buddy at work and we walk around the building, which is 1.7 miles (I clocked it).  We did that 3 times last week and yesterday I walked 2.5 miles with my dog.  We did another 1.7 mile walk today and it's amazing that I actually look forward to that walk everyday! I never looked forward to exercise before.  It's great!

Well, I am five weeks post op as of yesterday.  I can't believe that it has been THIS LONG! I came back to work on Monday and have been tired all week.  I was out 4 & 1/2 weeks and I did not expect to be.  Around the 2 1/2 week mark, I developed an infection.  It was a BIG infection, but not a bad infection, so that was good.  My mom was in town and we (well, she mostly) had cleaned the house that day and I took out the trash and threw it in the dumpster.  The next morning I woke up and my side was hurting really badly, so I thought I pulled a muscle.  A few days later though, the pain moved from my side to both sides of my incision.  My stomach started to protrude and was very hard, like I was pregnant.  At that point, I honestly thought that I had a hernia.  I made an appointment with Dr. Aranow for 3 one afternoon and that same morning had an appt. with Liz (nut)  My husband stayed home from work that day to take me to the appointments because I was in so much pain, I couldn't close the car door.  Plus, I was taking pain medication hand over fist, so there was no way I would have been able to drive.

About 10 mintues before we had to leave to go to the office for my appointment with Liz, I was so tired, so I layed down on my side in bed for about 5 minutes.  When I got up, my shirt was wet.  I pulled up my shirt and this gross stuff was pouring out of my incision.  I panicked and called for Phil who came running in.  We got a lot out, but he said, OK, we're going to the ER.  We went all the way up to Middlesex ER where they did nothing.  I actually felt better that some of the crap had drained out.  The pressure wasn't as bad and I wasn't in as much pain.  We were there for 3 hours - they let Dr. Aranow know and he wanted to see me at my appt. at 3 to give me antibiotics and look at my incision.

So, when we saw Dr. Aranow, he really put me in a lot of pain! He pryed open the infected part of my incision to let the stuff drain and that hurt so much.  I'm a baby when it comes to pain.  I don't want to feel it! I hadn't taken any pain meds for a while, so it really hurt a lot.  He gave me 850 mg Augmentin 3 x per day, some Vicodin in case I needed it and sent me on my way.  He said this thing would drain for about a month.  I needed to squeeze my stomach to try and get as much stuff out as possible.  The first night I did this, I literally almost passed out in the shower.  I had to call my husband who sat me down on the toilet and talked me down.  It was weird because I'm usually good about gross looking things, but I guess just seeing this stuff pour out of my body was a little too much - I think it was an anxiety attack that I had, but seriously, things started to get dark, so I really think that I was about to pass out.  After that though, I had no problem getting stuff out of my gut - it became sort of a game after a while!! :)

So, here it is, almost 3 weeks later and my incision is still draining a little bit.  It is starting to look good and it itches, so I know it's healing.  I can't wait until I have one vertical line again instead of this gaping hole in between!

The infection was just a minor set back.  I have lost 35 pounds so far and feel great.  I'm not in as much pain as I was prior to surgery - my back, legs, and feet don't hurt as much.  I'm off all diabetes meds and medicine for GERD.  My sugar levels are wonderful.  I have been struggling with head hunger and really wanting to smoke, but I'm trying to stay away! I am walking at work with a friend and it's great!

I have gotten sick a few times by eating too much or certain foods that just don't agree with me.  Chicken and pork are too dry so far.  It gets stuck and feels awful! I've tried baked lays for the crunch factor (although I should NOT have for many reasons) and they just made me feel awful.  So, I need to stick to the protein.

I can't wait to see how much more I will lose! I do worry that I will be the one that loses like 50 pounds and that's it.  I certainly hope not! We shall see though.

I woke up on March 28, 2007 with the worst headache imaginable.  I felt absolutely horrible.  My husband & I get ready and leave the house around 9:30.  We had to be at the hospital by 10:15 and surgery was going to be 12:15.  So, we're driving and I'm trying so hard not to think about my headache, but the pain was just taking over and my nerves were shot, so I made my husband pull over on the highway so I could throw up.  I was thinking, "My God...am I really going to go through with this?"

We finally get to the hospital and I'm triaged.  I had to pee in a cup and have it tested for pregnancy - negative.  I got my johnny on and am lying in the comfy bed, trying to relax when I feel it coming again.  I sat straight up and told them that I was going to be sick.  So, the nurse hands me the (oh what's it called? Something -basin or basin-something) thing that you throw up in and I did.  Finally, they gave me anti-nausea meds and some pain medication for my headache and I was feeling GREAT!

The nurses took some blood - I don't know what for - and put my IV in, which was a pain in the butt.  Apparently I have small veins.  I thought they couldn't do it because I was just fat, but who knows.  My mom has really small veins too.

Dr. Aranow comes back and asks if I'm getting a bug because if I am, he doesn't want to do the surgery while I'm sick because the throwing up could hurt my stomach.  I assure him that it is nerves and a horrendous migraine and he's OK with that.  He goes through his speech about death, heart attacks, blood clots, yadda, yadda, yadda and gives me the release form to sign, which I do.  My poor hubby's just looking at me the whole time.  I know he was nervous, but at that point I was so loopy from the drugs they gave me for my headache...he could have told me that he was removing my nose and I would have been all for it.

I remember talking to the anesthesiologist and pleading with her to make sure that I am truly knocked out for the surgery.  She assured me that she did not want to be on 20/20 and that I would be completely out for the entire procedure.  She did not want me to walk to the OR because of the pain meds that I was given.  I do remember them wheeling me to the OR and I said goodbye to my hubby, told him I loved him and to "be strong."  I don't know where that last part came from.  I didn't remember saying it, but he says I did.  Kind of funny!  The last thing I remember was looking up at the ceiling and seeing lights...that's it.  I swear, I think the pain meds put me to sleep before the anesthesia did because I don't remember a thing!

When I woke up, the nurse said that she was giving me insulin.  Apparently my blood sugar went up to 200.  Then I remember being wheeled to my room and seeing my husband.  I don't remember much of the first day at all.  I do remember getting up to walk and those skinny little nurses wanted to help ME get out of bed.  HA HA HA! I said, no way....I want my husband! I was sure that there was no way they'd be able to help me out of bed.

I also remember being extremely thirsty.  Ugh, that was awful because I wanted to slug some water and couldn't!

The hospital stay was pretty good.  My husband had one run in with a nurse who was condescending, but all in all it wasn't a bad experience.  Dr. Aranow visited me and told me that the surgery was a difficult one because I had an enlarged and distended liver.  My incision is larger than normal because of that also.  But, he did a great job! I love my surgeon!!!!

I am on an emotional rollercoaster! I'm excited, but nervous and a little worried at the same time.  I can't believe that I will be having surgery tomorrow.  I need to be at the hospital at 9:30, so I'm thinking that my surgery will be somewhere around 11:30 in the morning.  I can't believe I'm doing this - I'm just putting one foot in front of the other though.  

I went to a support group meeting last night with my husband and met up with Deb (RNYdeb) and her husband afterwards for dinner.  It is so nice to have met such wonderful people on my journey thusfar.  Paula Hep, whom I met in 2005, really kicked my butt into gear in January by spelling out everything I was doing to sabotage myself.  Her words really helped me to quit smoking and focus on getting healthy.  I've had some silly questions and worries and she has answered them with no judgement at all.  RNYdeb has been great these past few months also.  She's my exercise motivator! She makes me do it even though I don't want to.  Going out with she & her husband have been wonderful for me as I tend to avoid social situations.  They have helped me to not focus on my weight in a social setting and to realize that it is OK to have fun.

Everyone on these message boards has been great.  I have enjoyed reading about your journeys, your triumphs and struggles.  This is a great place to be and I am ready to meet you on the losing side.

Please, if you pray, say prayers for me tomorrow.  If you do not, please keep me in your thoughts as I begin this next chapter in my life.  I truly appreciate all of you.

Michelle

I can't believe I only have one week until my surgery.  I'm so excited, but nervous and a little worried as well.  I'm drinking my water and walking - just trying to keep that weight down for the big day.

I have my EKG and pre op blood work done today.  Hopefully all that will be fine.  I picked up my antibacterial soap also.  I forget what it's called.  Phiso -something or other.  No! Hexa something or other.  Oh, I don't know.  I'll be scrubbing with that stuff Monday, Tuesday, & Wednesday morning.  I really hope I have a morning surgery.  But, we'll see.

Thanks to all who have left messages on my surgery support page.  You guys are so sweet...

Michelle

Well, I had my appt. today with the psychologist, Kim Daniels and she cleared me...again! She said that I'm very self aware and I should do very well after surgery.  I hope so! So, she's faxing the info over to Dr. A & Lois tomorrow and then I can be approved for surgery.  FINALLY! I have a tentative date of March 28th.  That is 3 weeks from today.  I can't wait.  I'm trying not to think about it.  Well, I'm trying not to think about the bad stuff that could happen.  I'm just ready for this.  SOOOO ready.

Tonight I am going to buy my protein powder, a scale, and a Magic Bullet because I need them after surgery.  Sometimes I can't believe I'm actually doing this.  I'm allowing someone to chop me up and rearrange my insides! How insane is that??????? Well, it's for the better and if I don't do it, I'm gonna die soon and if I don't die soon, I'm sure gonna wish I was dead because of the quality of life I have.  I can't wait to have a life....only 3 weeks to go.

Jandelle from the main message board had this wonderful post about motivation titled What's your motivation? This post inspired me to compile a list of my motivation to have the surgery and be successful! All of my motivators are very serious, but some are more superficial than others! I'm sure I'll be adding more to it as I think of things!

I want to no longer feel my heals, my ankles, my legs, my hips, my back.  I don't want to be reminded everyday that they're still there!

I want to buy clothes right off the rack

I want to walk up a flight of stairs while talking on a cell phone and NOT be out of breath

I want to wear high heals for just ONE evening

I want to look in the mirror and go "DAMN I LOOK GOOD!"

I want my husband to pick me up and carry me

I want to pick myself up off the floor without using the floor, my knee(s), or any other object for leverage.

I don't want to wear the CPAP anymore

I don't want to have to prick my finger again until I'm 70

I want to go shopping for clothes.  Currently I shop for everything but! 

I want to wear a size in the teens...no more twenties!

I want to be able to run

I want to have energy

I don't want to be ashamed of myself

When I'm stared at, I don't want it to be because I'm fat

I don't want FAT to define who I am anymore

I want to have children and not only have them, but be able to play with them for as long as they can stand it.

I don't want to cry anymore because of how ugly I think I am

I want to love myself   

Here's a recipe that sounds good.  Phenomenalfemale posted it from the main board:

I made a healthy "protein pizza":

1/2 slice "flat bread" (available at the grocery store---it's 90 cals and 9 g protein, no sugars)

pizza sauce

mozzarella cheese

topping ----I usually put on diced onions and green olives, or mushrooms, shrimp--you can add meat, I don't eat meat tho...

Bake at 375 for 9 minutes and enjoy! I can eat a half of a half slice of flat bread, so I always have one leftover portion!

Holy COW! I can't believe this is happening!!!! I had my appointment today with Liz and she's approving me.  I've done it all.  I can't believe I've completed everything.  My a1c was 7.9 and I haven't smoked in more than a month, so I'm good to go.  I think I'm in shock!!!

Adding this so I can keep track...

Bariatric Surgery Program
SUPPORT GROUP SCHEDULE

***AS OF JULY 1st, 2006***

Monday Evenings:

1st Monday, 6:30 to 7:30 p.m.:
Pre-Operative Information Session
(required session for those who have not completed surgery, with Liz Archamault, dietitian, and Kimberly Daniels, psychologist)

2nd Monday, 6:30 to 7:30 p.m.:
General Pre and Post-Op Support Group
(For anyone who has or has not had surgery or who is researching the procedure)

3rd Monday, 6:30 to 7:30 p.m.:
Post-Op Only Support Group
General Support Group for patients who have completed the surgery only
(Sorry, no pre-ops allowed)

4th Monday, 6:30 to 7:30 p.m.:
Post-Op Panel Presentation
(In-depth personal experiences presented by post-op patients)

5th Monday, 6:30 to 7:30 p.m.:
(If applicable)
General Pre and Post-Op Support Group
(For anyone who has or has not had surgery or who is researching
the procedure)

*All support groups are held at the North 1 Conference Room at Middlesex Hospital.
**Note: There will be NO meetings on major holidays, such as Memorial and Labor Day.
*The information discussed at these meetings is personal. Please be respectful of other support group members by maintaining their confidentiality.
**If weather is inclement, please refer to WFSB Channel 3, and WTIC AM/FM for cancellation announcements.