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I have had my ups and downs but in general I am still doing pretty damn good!! I went from being happily engaged to now happily single and feeling like I really made the right decision for me- he is a great guy and I feel bad that I have hurt him but I have been through enough misery in my life and I can;t carry his too especially if you arent gonna do anything about it!! Plus I had been back with him (my kids father) since I had lost my weight so I have yet to release mynew confidence in the rest of the world so I am excited about that!!!  
 I currently weigh 170 and am hoping that I can get back down to 163-165 area.   I was very comfortable there and everything fit me very well and I was content with how I looked even without wearing sucky-in underwear.  I had stopped going to the gym cuz of chiropractic reason and pure stubborness onmy part.  Dr. told me to lay off the cardio kickboxing and that was my favorite thing to do at the gym so I decided to go on strike.  I did not go to the gym for 104 days (i only know this cuz the guy at the front desk said that he hadn't seen me in a while and then checked the actual amount of days!) So I went back last wednesday and had a great workout.  Then I did the 26.2 mile Jimmy Fund walk on Sunday- that was great but painful- should have trained much better for that!!   So I am kind of in recovery from that so I have to wait a lil while until my muscles relax so I don;t hurt myself.  Right now I feel like my hamstring could snap at any moment so I have not even taken a walk since sunday- just getting around was painful but getting much better.  I have been making some poor food choices and eating too much so I am now aware of it and am adjusting. 
I have gone back to the gym and I have gotten new schedules so that I can make arrangements to get there and not act like I used to have time when I was doing the same amount of things as before.  It is really all in the mind and what you plan to do and how you tend to make it work.  I still get compliments all the time and it still feels great!  I feel good and I want to keep this up.  Unfortunately I have this feeling that when I did put back a few lbs (only 8 at most) that there are some caddy ppl that I have to be around that have surely made their comments.  Normally I would not care whattheyhave to say but when it has to do with weight loss (and they are all trying to lose weight) it feels like they are waiting for you to fail.  So unfortunately that also seems like a motivation for me to keep going as strong just to show those bitches up and that is not a positive way of thinking but to prove people wrong is kind of a good feeling so I will go ahead with that one!!
I do want to make time to get to a support meeting- that is another thing that when you are motivated you find the time to do even with still working 2 jobs- you can do.  I am trying to get my life back on my track and focus on me and getting me better as a whole and that is my intention.  I deserve it!!

I really think that I have that seasonal affective disorder.  I have this awful tendency to "shutdown" in the winter cuase I hate the cold and I am just mad and cold all the time.  So now that it is getting a lil bit warmer and the sun has shown its face a couple of times I feel like I am alive again.  Funny how I dont feel myself going into the slump of winter but I just know I am there but I can feel myself coming out of it.  HMMMM- something to ponder.  Anywasy I made it back to the gym today and I flet very disappointed in myself that I had myself going all the time and was feeling really tight and strong and  then I just stopped after getting a cold before the holidays and then the gall bladder thing and just winter not my friend!  Anyways I felt disappointed becuase I could feel myself jiggling all over and I couldnt feel the ssame tightness and strength that I had before.  I feel like I have to start over almost at step 1 and I am furious that I let that all go.  But I have played in 2 basketball games and a floor hockey game in the past month and I am still feeling good and healthy- just know I could have done a lot better about staying on track and keeping my routine.  So I need to forgive myself and just get it back and remember that I used to just give up and start eating crap again-  which I have caught myself doing again here and there- this too shall pass.  I am excited about the fruit coming back out and having salads again so I will stop with the warm comfort food and get myself back on track with eating and exercising-  that will be my promise to myself for this spring season!!  Plus bathing suit season is coming!!!! 

This past Sunday afternoon I made a nice lasagna for my family and I decided I would have a lil bite or two and immediately felt like I was gonna dump.  I had the intense pressure in my sternum and back and I got sick -both ways- in the bathroom.  Problem was - there was not any relief after the usual 20 min of uncomfort.  So I tried to lay down and I just couldn;t get comfortable.  Felt like there was a huge bubble of pain on my right side. 

I posted a help message on this site and got immediate responses that they all though tthat wither I had something stuck or that I had a problem qwith my gall bladder and they advised me to get to the ER right away.  I gathered up my kids and we went into my local hospital and stayed there overnight and then they transported me into Boston and I had laproscopic surgery on my gall bladder  that was very similar to having the bypass surgery- where they inflate your belly with gas so they can get in there.  They make you start back at stage 1 and go thru all the stages again before they let you go.  They said they were cholsterol gall stones? I was not put on any special diet or anything. 

I am taking this as almost my start over time.  I was getting really cocky about what I was eating so now that I have had to start over again and can actually feel like I am full again after small amounts.  So all in all - it was a blessing in disguise.  I am grateful to have had people on here to support and advise me when I was questioning what I should do.  I would have gone into the ER eventually but probably would have waited a lot longer or until the morning and just suffered til my husband got home from work so he could care for the kids.  Well he came and got them at 4am and called in sick from work and I got to stay and get tons of tests and then transported to Boston and my family was all there at some point and got me home yesterday and now I can actually sleep longer than 20 minutes without someone coming in to take my blood pressure or see if I need some pain meds while I am dead asleep? 

So all in all a blessing in disguise.  I am healthy again and back on track!!  Just in time for New Years!! 

I have been chowing but staying closer to the healthy stuff and only indulging here and there with the not so good stuff.  I have been going to the gym but not with the same consistency as before- too cold to do anything!!  I am so cold all the time- I need to move!!   I am still so happy that I made this decision to help myself.  I mean I look at myself in pictures now- yes I now allow pics to be taken of me- and I am always floored by what I see-  Old pics look like I ate myself but you could still see my eyes and smile under there!!  I am down to 167 which is 104lbs donw from my heaviest- still cant believe I had that much to lose but it is what it is and I can just go about life from this point on.  I am happily engaged to the father of my children whom could nt stand my negative bitchy fat ass for 8yrs straight but now loves me undoubtedly and I love him!  We don;t have a pot to pi-- in but we are happy and look forward to celebrating our love with a nice wedding sometime soon!!  Maybe we should just run away- it is so much planning!!!  But I love trying on dresses right from the rack!!!!  More another time!

Down 104lbs now.  In size 10- lost several inches all over my body.  Get compliments all the time- feels great!!  I am working out on a regular basis and feel like I love it because I can do it now- it doesnt feel like work anymore.  Been more than happy to share my success with people and have inspired a few people to get it themsleves or at least look into it as an option.  The best thing I could have ever down for myslef hands down!! 

Couldnt be more proud of myself!!  I have ahceived such great success with this surgery and I have blossomed into the woman that I knew I always was inside.  I am confident and I hold my head up high.  I have done a great deed for myself and everyone around me is benefitting from my positive vibe that exudes from me. 

I was very into checking this site on a regular basis when I was first here but I really feel as though I have made some great progress and have not come by all that often now that I have a handle on things.  I am now down to 177 and getting closer to losing 100lbs!!  I go back and forth with mixed feelings about that goal- very excited to say that I have (almost) lost it but at the same time mortified that I had gotten that out of control that I put on 100+lbs in the course of my life. I will certainly be focusing on the positives and being proud of myself and will keep motivating others and keep myself going becuase I have never felt so confident even in my early 20's and it feels really good!!

Havent posted in a while- for once it is for good reasons!!  I have been so busy going to the gym and coaching soccer and exercising exercising exercising!  I am madly in love with what is going on with me!  I am motivated and there is no sign of waivering from this routine and I will remian committed to myself.  This is a great feeling!  I have truly motivated myself and in fact others to get going on the battle of the bulge and it feels great!  I am constantly getting compliments and it is really feeding my bruised ego- which is doing very well in the healing process!  I am working with a personal trainor and getting myself to the gym regularly and walking everywhere.  Instead of parking my butt at the sports practices I am walkig the field several times over and getting in some good miles, that is of course if I am not running around with the kids coaching myself.  It feels great to do these things because I can - whereas when I was heavier-  I had no motivation to go beyond setting up my chair to plop into it and that was enough for then.  I have a bright vibrant smile becuase I am truly happy and have found what i was looking for all along. 

I am now down to 196 (67 since surgery and 75 total).  I am thrilled and luckily my aunt was able to hand me down some smaller size 16's to get me through for a little while longer.  I went thru all of the clothes and I have about 6 large trash bags of clothes to get rid of.  So to keep from overwhelming myself, I keep telling myself that those clothes are bigger so they take up more room!!  Well I am still going to the gym and keeping up with my attempts to get there at least 3x's per week.  I just went to see Dr Lautz this past Thursday and told him that I have been very tired.  Got some blood work done to see if my B12 is low- so we'll have to see.  That is all for now!! 

I was 199 as of this past Saturday- 2/14- Happy Valentine's to me!!  Now just have to keep working on the getting someone to share these things with and things will just be better and brighter!!  So happy!!