mjloyd

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I'm not quite sure how I feel about my visit with Dr. H. today. I was very happy about my weight loss of 49lbs. But I'm beginning to fall back into some old habits. There's something about Dr. H. that just makes me spew my guts and tell him everything!!! He has a way about him...those of you who know him know what I mean! I've fallen back into a bad habit of snacking.....on legal things but just getting in too many calories. I've started using a few condiments that aren't too legal though! He said that he wanted at least 32 pounds off by my 6 month appointment. I've got to totally take a look at what I'm eating and see what I can do better! That means giving up my favorite creamer in my coffee! :( I've got to start walking at least 30 minutes/day. I've not been very consistent with my exercise. I've got to start back to going to support groups and Dr. Frye's group. So I'm taking this next 8 weeks off from school so I can focus on ME! He said that my weight loss is only 5% behind where he wanted to see me at this point. I CAN DO THIS!!! Boy do I need those support groups today!!

Don't let anyone ever say that this is the EASY way out cause I got news! It's still hard work!!!

Well I'm down 45.5 lbs and I'm feeling great. It's so wonderful to be able to walk the long halls at work and not get tired. I'm sleeping so much better and feel so much more rested when I get up. It's amazing. My weight may not be coming off as fast but I don't care. I know that it'll come off in due time.

I'm fighting with this statistics course that I'm having to take for my BSN. It's so hard but all I can do is pray for a C! I work and study these days! My house is a wreck. But this too shall end.... in two more weeks! I'm taking the second half of the summer off so I can get some things done in my house. I need to get my parent's stuff out and have a yard sale. I want my bonus room to be a real bonus room! I'll start back to school in the fall.

Your time is your time and your body is your body and your health is your health. Staying in shape and eating right are not luxuries. No, a healthy lifestyle is something everybody should be entitled to, so do your best to lay claim to this right.

Sorry I've been so slow in posting! (My friend Darlene fussed at me! Love ya girl!) I've had the most awesome day. I took my kids back home which is 80 miles away and went to the church that I grew up in. I saw so many people that I grew up with and loved so dearly throughout my life. The only person missing was mom. She would have been so thrilled to have her "babies" at church today. I haven't been since she passed away 'cause it was just too painful.  But the church has sold the building to another church and they are building another building. So they were having the last service in the old building which is still beautiful! It was such a great day. I didn't realize how much I missed home until today.  I really needed today!

And to make things even better I saw my two best friends at O'Charlies after church! It was so good to see Darlene and Steve who have done so excellent after both of their surgeries! We met my inlaws after church for lunch. My MIL got to see my daughter's hair with it's PINK highlights! It was a little tense for a while after that. But it was all good! 

Weight-wise I'm up a couple of pounds today! But we've eaten out all weekend. I'm sure I've eaten stuff with lots of salt. I also feel sort of like I'm PMSing! Yes, you can still PMS after a hysterectomy. But I still have my ovaries and feel a little bloated and yucky today! 

Back to another week of work and hopefully less drama! 

But it's been a really blessed weekend and it made me see how grateful I really am for all I have!

I hope everyone has had a wonderful Mother's Day. I wish my mom were still here! I miss her a lot and I know she would be proud of my choice to have the surgery and lose weight. She's be proud of my 32# weight loss as of today. She struggled with her weight for as long as I've been in the world and as long as I can remember. She probably lost and gained hundreds of pounds over her lifetime. I inherited her love for food and also her bad eating habits. She would have been the first to admit she had bad eating habits. She was a "picker" like me. She never made anything that she hadn't had a few bites of before she served her family. I suppose it's for the same reason I used to pick while cooking, to make sure it was good enough for my family. She and I also shared a love for snacking. My mom showed her love through food. I remember that most about my mom. She taught me to love some wonderful things.....like chicken livers and sauerkraut....yes, I know!!! 

I wish my mom had learned the things about food that I have learned since my surgery though. I hope to keep learning. 

Today, I cooked for my family and my inlaws. We grilled out burgers and chicken.  I ate my chicken and some green peas. The desserts are what really got me. I didn't eat any but it sure was tough not to sneak a taste. I know that if I ever do, it's over for me!!!!

Tonight I finished up the fish from last night and some turkey meatballs. I overdid it a little. I suppose it was my way of dealing with the day. It was a wonderful day but boy did I want some of those chocolate peanut butter bars!!!! I ate some yogurt for my dessert though. 

My have I got a long way to go but every day I learn a little more of what I'm capable of! This week I'm going to work of increasing my exercise and my water! As of today I've lost 32lbs!

This past week I had my six week appt w/ Dr. H. I personally think the man is awesome. Just my opinion. Anyway, I had only lost 27 lbs (10 pounds from my one week appointment). He said as long as I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing then the weight would come off, which I'm doing so hopefully it'll come on off. He also said that when I was in the hospital i was getting at least 1000 cals per day which put me behind too. So I'm not worrying about it, just keep on keeping on!  I'm exercising now thanks to Val at work. She is such a motivator!

I have been on such an emotional rollercoaster these past couple of weeks. I cry at the drop of a hat . I'm so irritable I can't stand myself! I'm so withdrawn and don't want to be around anyone.  I called Amanda yesterday and she told me to get to a group or a friend who could listen to me. She immediately said that I had lost my best friend which WAS FOOD! No new meds or readjusting meds, just good ol' fashion legwork!! Laura has already emailed me to tell me to clear my schedule Monday and Tuesday for support group meetings! 
I love Laura! She's definitely on the ball! 

 I can't believe that it has gotten this far!!! I have such a hard time understanding this but it's so true. I feel as if I should stand up at church and say, HI My name is Janie and I am a foodaholic! Then everyone would cheer! I'm feeling so depressed right now and there's nothing to do but what Amanda suggested. I talked with my friend Cathy this morning and she suggested that we put a big plastic sheet up and throw all of the foods that are my demons on it. Stomp on potatoe chips and pizza! I'm not quite sure if that's me  but I think it's an awesome idea. I do believe that it would definitely take all the anger I have and get rid of it. I am so mad. I do miss food. The relationships that were built around food have changed. Things at work are different because I don't partake of the food fest every day at lunch. Honestly I know I'm much better off! I don't have the guilt every day after I've eaten the big Gordita crunch and empanada or the meat and three from SNow Whites. I'm not bloated and miserable. I feel good after I've eaten my little tuna. I feel good when I go out and have my salmon or fish or chicken and leave feeling satisfied. It's just that sometimes it seems so unfair when my family is crunching on tortilla chips and queso at Chilis and I choose not to eat it. It is unfair when people are so insensitive to your plight and eat all of your favorite foods right in front of you! Everyday at work the question of the day is "What are we eating for lunch?" I hate my boss for that. It just seems so unfair! Well it has been good to be off today to get my head together! 

Tomorrow is Jen's wedding. I'm sure that that will be interesting at the reception. We'lll see. It's doubtful it'll be any chicken, tuna or turkey there!  I'll just pray my way through it!

Well I'm back up to date with my protein. Feeling much better with no nausea. I've cut my calores now and focusing more on the protein.  My biggest problem right now is this "pain" that Dr. H. says is the BIG suture that he put in. It has been absolutely miserable at times. I've called Dr. H. twice since I've been in the hospital about it. He gave me some Dilaudid  the first call but I can't do it and work too. It made me feel so tired all the time. I called him back this week to say that the pain is still there and I couldn't function on the Dilaudid. He gave me some Ultram and it has made a WORLD of difference. I can take it at work and still function!  Yea!

I was really emotional last weekend. I cried at the drop of a hat. They tell me that it's normal. It's "hibernation". My body's way of adjusting to the major changes in my body. I'm feeling better now other than just being so darn tired! I'm back at work and trying hard to make it through the entire day. If we are busy I do much better. I take my Ultram and go on! 

The scales are a little "bipolar"! They move up and down. I'm trying to get all of my water in and it's tough some days! But I think that things may move on since the "constipation" issue is taken care of and I've cut my calories back to where they should be, between 400-600. 

Well enough for tonight!

It's been a long time since I posted. I've been in the hospital for the last 4 days due to malnutrition. Bottom line is that I got behind on my protein. Had to go into Centennial to get 3 days of TPN via an IV in my neck. Oh What Fun! It wasn't too bad though, I was just bored. Sick of my bed. My hubby came when he could but we had kids that had to be shuffled here and there. 

Today, I'm feeling better, just tired! I'm going to stay home tomorrow then back to work on Wednesday. No more nausea, just no appetite. 
I'm not going to complain!

The scale finally moved and I've lost 3.5 lbs this week. I'm not sure I can keep up the weighing every day. It is driving me crazy. I'm up a 1/2 lb this morning! But I can't complain. It's 20lbs...only 5 more pounds till my first goal! 

Yesterday I took the kids shopping to Old Navy (can't wait til I can shop there for myself) and to the mall. I was tuckered out when I got home. I laid down and took a 2 hour nap. I ran out of steam quickly!

Going back to work Monday. Yea?!??!?

I moved up to regular food now!!!! Dr. H. said I could move to which ever stage I was comfortable with. I ate chicken tonight without it being pulverized!!!! It was wonderful! Today I got to go to Murfreesboro to "have lunch" with my friend Cathy S. We went to the nutrition store then sat outside and talked! She is so funny. It's been a good day!