mjloyd

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I'm doing the 2 shakes and 3 blended meals in along with my 64 oz of fluid. Of course I have something in my hand all the time to either eat or drink! But it's getting there and I'm so proud! Of course the scales haven't moved since last Thursday. I'm still trudging on! I want this so much I'm determined to do what ever it takes!

OK, had my appointment w/Dr. H. Some good and some bad. The good thing was that I have lost 17 lbs. The bad is that Dr. H. thought I was dehydrated and malnourished. We discussed what I had been drinking and he said that I wasn't getting enough in and the nausea I was feeling was because I was maln. and dehyd. Sooooo after a long "conversation " about how important the protein is, he moved me up to Stage 3 with blended foods. I have to have 3 blended food meals, 2 shakes and 64 oz H2O until I'm feeling better. He didn't really give me a time so I suppose I will call the office Monday. 

So I have my cottage cheese, eggs, cheese, etc....  I'm glad to be getting some real food but not this way!  Oh well, I move on and see what happens. I do have to admit after 2 more shakes and a cup of cottage cheese, I'm definitely not hungry anymore! This is the first time I haven't felt hungry in 10 days!

Yesterday was somewhat better. My husband summed it up well by saying "You're not hungry, you just want something to eat!". I had a small meltdown again. Damn these hormones! My biggest issue right now is getting my meds down to where I can get them down without throwing them up. I don't thrown them up right now but OMG I get so nauseated! Of course I've also been constipated too. (Sorry don't mean to be so graphic). Last night was horrible. Thought I'd barf them up before I got them all down.  Oh well just another hump in the road. 

Today I go see Dr. Houston. We'll see how much I've lost since surgery. This is a week and a half. I hope he lets me have some cottage cheese or something!  Oh well, I'll let you know after my appointment. I'm planninng on going to Dr. Frye's group today plus I have an appointment with Amanda. The meds that she ordered the changes in work pretty well, just taste nasty but much better than crushing them.

!OMG! I am so damn hungry!! My family is cooking their dinner which they are eating just what they want but the smells are killing me. I just want sit down and cry!!! In fact I am crying! I just feel so alone in this right now and I know I'm not. So many others have been through this before! I just can't understand why I'm so hungry. I just want to die! Of course before you ask, I've had 3 protein shakes, 2 bottles of water, 2 jellos and 2 popscicles. I've gotten all of my stuff in!!! Yesterday was better. Today has been a nightmare. I went to pick the kids up and go to Goodies so I could get me some elastic pants to be able to have something to wear. Regular pants tend to rub my incisions and hurt. It's been the first day I've been left at home alone. It's been a tough day. Couldn't find the DVD remote so I could watch my movies. Couldn't focus on reading my new book. I read the same paragraph over 9 times before I put it up. Television is so limited. There's nothing on during the day. Occasionally Lifetime will have something on but today it was nada! 

I asked my husband what he was cooking. He told me pizza and looked like he wanted to crawl under the stairs. But I just had to ask, it seemed to make me feel better.

Tomorrow night my little man (Steven) is taking his "friend" who just happens to be named Rachel to Geinghis Grill. Well Mark is taking them. She invited him to a dance. He doesn't like to go to dances so he invited her to GG....without consulting us. Of course we just could'nt say no because it was so cute. But of course we had a conversationn about talking to mama and daddy about clearing things with us before he goes inviting his friends out to eat!  I'm glad though. They'll be out of the house and the smells won't be in the house. 

Well I'm going now. Gotta crush up my multitude of pills and get them down. Goodnight!

I have so much to catch you upon so I'll just start with Monday and surgery. I was in and out of surgery to my room in about 4 1/2 hours. Surgery went really well. No complications at all!!  I survived the whole time without a problem other than a fever which was taken care of with lots of walking and deep breathing! Playing with my little toy they provided was way too much fun. I came home on Thursday. I did well until yesterday. 

On Friday I noticed some hunger. I knew I didn't feel hungry necessarily  but i wanted something to eat. A "meltdown" ensued!!!! After telling my family, "OH SURE EAT IN FRONT OF ME. I don't care! I can handle it", my reserve caved and I melted. Luckily one of my dear WLS buddies called just in time to catch the brunt of it. My poor husband was a little taken back. He can support me as much as possible for someone who has never been through surgery but OMG, he wasn't prepared for this! All I could say was "what have I done??? I'm HUNGRY!!!!"  Bottom line to this meltdown is that it's all from headhunger/ habits. I have developed some really bad habits over the years. I'm having to change my whole way of looking at food. I'll keep ya posted on how this goes! For me, it's protein shakes and SF popscicles, at least till I can do the blended foods next weekend. 
So far I'm down 12.5 pounds. I'm amazed!!!

WoooHoo! Clear liquids for the next two days!!!!!!! I'm sooo excited! Monday is my day! 

Oh yea! My kids are so weird!!! But I love them!

Well  I went to see my psychologist yesterday and I'm feeling sooooooo much better about surgery. So many of my feelings are so normal as my Yahoo friends have been telling me. I'm so ready for this now. I'm finally getting excited about my life change. I'll be so glad when it gets here.

Well it's almost time for my big day! I'm definitely feeling better about my decision. I have a peace about it that I haven't had. I suppose that's what prayer does for you! I'm just hoping I don't gain anymore weight. I was 307 at my consultation. I want to stay there or lose. I'm working toward staying on top of my game right now and not getting all depressed. I am just so tired tonight. I feel almost immobile! I can't move very fast at work. There are times in the cath lab that you need to move fast. I CAN'T! How frustrating for me and the docs. I look forward to getting my speed back! My back, feet and knees are hurting tonight. I can't believe I've let myself to this point.

My dear friend April suggested that I need to exercise to get my strength up and make surgery easier. She's right and I think that will help me with my depression. 

OK, this is just an update so I can come back when I want to eat and remember WHY I don't want to eat! 

Why do people have to ruin your day, please tell me!!!!! I told one of the docs I work with that I was having RNY. He immediately said well why don't you look into a duodenal switch instead. His reasons sounded good but I have made my decision and that's it. He put so many doubts into my head though. I know I'm not going through anything that anyone else has. The doubts seem to come so easily.  I'm excited but still have those nagging little things that keep creeping in. "Can I do this? Is this really the right thing?" It's not so much the surgery that scares me but the regimen after the fact. I know that I can do it, it's just that my depression concerns me. I know how I've done in the past. How frustrating. I wish I didn't worry so much! ONLY 2 weeks and 3 days!
I'll be so glad when it FINALLY gets here!