mollz007
Update...
Apr 18, 2014
Wow… it’s been awhile. The past few weeks have been pretty busy, and this past week was rough. There is a lot of family stuff going on right now. My grandma was in the hospital for a few days because she fell in her room and hit her head. Her head was fine, but then doctors discovered that she had an infection, but they didn’t know what kind of infection. Well, a few days ago we found out that her pacemaker that she had put in a few years ago is infected, and the only way to get rid of that would be to operate and remove the pacemaker, and doctors don’t want to do that because they don’t think she will survive it. So now she has moved to hospice care, and now all there is left to do is keep her comfortable because she will probably not get any better.
Anyway, there is that, and other family stuff going on. My sister has not been talking to anyone in the family and it has been very hard on all of us, but I think it has been the hardest in me. I do not have a lot of friends, so I have always tried to have a relationship with my sister, but she has never really been interested. My problem is that I feel the need to hold on to relationships that clearly aren't worth the pain. It's a pattern with me, I hold on to every dying friendship because I think I can save it. And I've caused myself a lot of pain because of it. My sister and I were very close when we were little, but once high school started she began to drift away (my sister is 23, two years younger than me) It is clear now more than ever that she wants nothing to do with me or my parents, at least at the moment. And the thing that makes me furious is that she knows our grandma is sick and seems to not care. She has not once contacted my dad to see how is is doing (it is my dad's mom, my mom's mom died two years ago) I have always been a daddy's girl, and I hate to see him in so much pain.
School is also really stressful, with all that’s been going on this semester, school has been the last thing on my mind. The good thing is that classes are over soon, the bad thing is that I still have a sh*t ton of work to do. I don’t even care what my grades are anymore, I just want to get it done. I was going to take a class this summer but honestly I don’t think that I can handle it. Part of me really wants to just give up and take some time off school, but I also know that probably isn’t the best idea. So, I don’t know what I’m going to do.
Oh yeah, and my advisor told me I need to quit my job. I was supposed to take this class next semester that requires 180 semester hours of observation, or 11 hours a week. Some school districts will just let you do your observations while working as a para, but apparently my district is the only one that won’t. So my advisor told me my best bet is to find a new job. Wow, how helpful, like it’s so easy to get a job. So I am trying to work something out where I can come in a few hours late a few days a weeks so I can do observations. If I can’t do that, I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to leave my job, it seems like that is the only thing going right in my life right now.
So yeah, to say I have a lot going on is an understatement. And as you can imagine, this has been affecting my diet. I was so focused in the beginning and always on plan, but I am starting to feel myself slip. I am scared of going back to old habits. It’s just hard to care anymore, which worries me for more than one reason. Besides the eating habits, this is a way that I felt a few years ago when I was very depressed. I have been doing very well lately and the feelings I have been having are ones that I am very familiar with, and I do not want to go down that road again. I have worked too hard for my mental and physical health to let it all slip away now! I will not let this ruin all the hard work I have done, especially the drama with my bratty sister. She is not worth it.
