just a check in.......

Apr 19, 2011

Hi all, just wanted to stop by and check in. It has been a little over 8 weeks since my surgery and I am still hanging in there. I do still feel emotional about the whole thing and still have second thoughts about what I did. I really do ask myself everyday why couldnt I do this on my own, but I guess I will never know. I need to just move on and accept this for what it is and use it to the fullest. I have good days and bad days, I still want food that I cant have and I have some break downs. But it is getting better and they are getting further and further apart.
 
I went back to work this week and it was hard. I work from 7pm until 7am and that was a big adjustment for me. For the past 8 weeks I have been on a normal day schedule and then BAM right back at it I go. Mentally I had a few bumps, I mean come on, I have been used to sleeping for 8 hours and up at 6 am, now it is sleep for 2-4 hours and up all night. Plus so many nights in the past while we had down time all I did was eat and eat and eat. I have to just get through all this and move forward.

I went cloths shopping at the Goodwill store the other day, and I could actually buy cloths. I started this whole process at a size 26 pants. I bought pants that range from 22-20. I cant believe it, I cant tell you the last time I was a size 20. Probally almost 10 years ago. I also had to get new work cloths, I wear mens dress pants at work and I was a size 52......yeah a SIZE 52 pants. UGH so depressing saying that. Now I am a SIZE 44 pant. REALLY a size 44???? I think I was a 44 before I got married almost 7 years ago. So I am seeing the changes but it is still hard for me to accept all this for what it is.

Well I am gonna go make dinner for the kids. and then a movie and bedtime!!! I will try to check back in from time to time, but no promises. This site is good for what it is worth but I cant make it my life like some have....it is toooooo depressing for me!!

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