nanis

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he came wednesday, called me and wanted to talk. he wants the divorce now, does not want to fight, does not want to hurt me anymore. thursday i went to see the lawyer and petitioned dissolution of marriage. onlly because he wanted me to not because i wanted to.  since he came from mexico my next step was to get him served. so after he invited me to breakfast on thursday (7/28/11) he said lets go to the court house to sign the papers.  we went together to the sherrifs dept to have him served.  he was scared he was going to get arrested for something? he was shaking.  so he got served and then we actually went for ice cream and he took me back home. we spoke like as if we were friends.  he cheated on me with a girl who is 23. he is 38. thats 15 yrs difference. she could be his daughter!  friends? how could we be friends?

so thursday night we spoke to each other over the phone till about midnight and texted each other too. i explained to him that friday we'd have to go to the lawyers office to sign the agreement.  we did go. peacefully together in the same vehicle.
he took me to have lunch and then went over to my house to mow the lawn, trim trees and take down a tree, fix the weed eater as well.... i couldnt be a "B*T*H to him.  i wanted so much to smack him in the face and tell him off but i couldnt.
before he left he hugged me and took my head and kissed me on my forehead then quickly on the lips....what was that supposed t mean?  he asked me not to change my phone number and that he'd call me.  he kept telling me what if in 15 days he comes back to stay with me.  how could i take him back if he's the one who wanted the divorce?  i dont know whats' gotten into him. he is a totally different person.

all if this after 5 inf treatments and gastric bypass -to loose the wieght and try to get pregnant on our own.  a month before our 13th wedding aniversary.... and from 240 lbs to 140 lbs in less than 9 months.
i feel so miserable right now.  i have the house we lived in (paid off), the truck, the car and some money in the bank...but none of that fills me --all i wanted was to save my marriage and nothing worked out the way i wanted.

health wise I'm great. Emotionally i'm a mess. we have been living in a different city from each other for the last 3 months. we talk over the phone and have even visited each other.  our plan was to move to the city where he's currently at. But things change:  my husband says he does not love me anymore and wants a divorce.
we have been married for almost 13 years. what went wrong? i dont know. i love him so much and he knows it.
maybe its cuz we have no children. when i was overweight we tried 5 ivf treatments and did get pregnant but each of the pregnancies was miscarried. i opted to have weightloss surgery so that maybe with the weight off, i could get pregnant.
9 months out and since i'm at goal, i got the okay from my dr and i have not told my husband yet. i'm stopping my birth control this month. we are still living apart from one another.
maybe its cuz he met someone new-which i already asked and of course he says no.
maybe its cuz my body has changed so much that he thinks im a different person
maybe ??
i still have not gotten the reason why!
i need the reason why
i cant stand the pain I feel in my heart.
i had this surgery for him, for me --for us, so that we could have a family that we always wanted and now what?
he thought we had to wait 12 to 18 months before we could "TRY" and that's not true...we can try now.  i have not  told him because i dont want to have him stay just to try. because what if i do get pregnant and he still leaves me?
what if we try 3 months and i dont get pregnant and he still leaves me?
i really want to have a baby of my own but dont want the baby to suffer without his dad.
my husband grew up with out his dad too. his mom and dad left each other when he was about 1 yr old.
his grandma raised him.
i've already told him i will leave everything (family, job)  to be with him and it doesnt seem to matter.
i dont know i i should tell him that we got the okay to try.  i dont want to force him.  what should i do?

I didnt even know I was 6 months out till I got an email this afternoon.  OMG!!  wow!! I'm excited now!

I'm not quite to my goal yet but next week I have an dr's apt and we will see then if I'm at goal.
I feel excellent!!  I'm exercising more, Running! and have no clothes that fit! 
I'm buying new clothes now and have gone from a sixe 18-20 to a size 8.  I fit into clothes I wore in high school. I dont have that many but at least I'm there and it fits me loose :)

I dont have too much flabby skin. my legs are ok and i'm not too concious about my arms.  I want to work on my arms more!!  found some videos on the internet on how to tone arms and oh, I dont have a butt no more :(  I'm trying to tone it too!

My family has been really suppoortive more now that they see i've lost the weight and keep on track with my diet.
I went on a 6 wk vacation to Mexico and lost a few pounds there too, it was great!  I got 2 puppies and they keep me busy:)

My friends and other people ask me what i've done. I still dont want them to know. so I just say that i'm seeing a nutritionist and that I am exercising and keeping in mind portion sizes.  I feel that someone at work is making fun of me because everytime she sees me she says really loud  "here comes skinny mini" and all my coworkers look at me and stare.  I can't help but smile but I feel so uncomfortable.

I can't believe I'm 6 months out!

On Monday, I had a small 2nd leak on my left side incision.  It was clear but yellowish.  I called the dr's office and got an apt today.  Looks like it closed since.  So I'm ok.  I'm 214 now!!  yes!!  I'm walking a mile sometimes 2 a day now.  I thought I was eating too much but really I've never gotten to that "full" and you will know feeling.
I was getting constipated.  I was recommended prune juice with water.  I'm gonna start that starting today.  Other than that I feel good.  Left is sore but not in pain. 
I made flour tortillas for my husband yesterday and he said that they were great :) so I'm happy that they were good.  Foods I make for him (mexican dishes) do not really make me crave them. I dont have that craving feeling which I think is great:) 

The pain that I was worried about was less than what I really thought it was going to be.  I stayed in the hospital 3 1/2 days. I think too cuz I was not getting enough fluilds in. 
Went to stay at my mom and dad's after surgery so mom could help me.  I LOVE YOU -Chita!!!!  My birthday fell in last week and my dad gave me a teddybear. I felt like a little kid again.  I LOVE YOU -Dad !!!! My husband, would come over everyday after work and stay a few hours before going home and calling me twice at night just to make sure I was okay :)  AWW HOW SWEET!!  For my birthday he brought me a beautiful flower arrangement in a purple vase. (my favorite color) It's like if we were dating again:) having "the boyfriend" come over :)
I've felt light headed after showering only. I found out I can not see blood. My left side still bothering me a little. I've increased fluild intake to about 54oz.  I'm not hungry and have to follow a food schedule. I'm not thursty either?
I got home with my husband yesterday. He picked me up after work.  He's been really helpful too.  The house was all clean and didn't want me to do anything:)   TE QUIERO-Prieto!  Thank You!
My clothes feel loose on me and I can see a difference in my face.  When I walk I can actually feel the muscles extend.  I feel sore like if I ran but it does not hurt.  5 days out I said--who would even want to do this???? and now 12 days out with about 18lbs lost- I'll take it back! :)

My surgery is tomorrow. I've been feeling fine. I feel I'm calm but at the same time I'm afraid of what pain will feel like.  I hope everything goes well.

My day is coming "Monday" 10/4/10.  I'm excited, nervous and alittle scared and doubtful.  Is this normal?  I noticed that even on this liquid diet I dont feel hungry.  I love jello so any flavor is all good for me.  I've noticed too that at night, I can hear some wierd noise in my stomach or at least I think it is?  I feel like I have so much to do and so little time you know to run all the arrands.  Yesterday, was my last day at work. Some of my close friends there know about what I'm having done and I got alot of encouragement from them.  THANK YOU GUYS!  It made me feel that I made the right decision.  My parents and husband are still wishing me good luck but I know deep inside, they are scared for me too.   

Just had my tests done this last Wednesday.  I think all is good.  High tryglercides --still dont know very well what that means.  Kinda getting nervous, but a good nervous.  Not sure when surgery will be.