NewDayDawning
8 Months
Feb 16, 2010
So many amazing things have happened and I don't regret it for a second.
The weight loss is still slow and steady - 76 pounds - but I am determined to keep working with my tool and to get 50 more pounds off. I thought I would have had 100 off by 6 months like some lucky people - but I've felt healthy and I feel strong and maybe that is worth more in the end than doing it "quickly."
Exercise is easier
Clothes shopping is enjoyable - some size mediums - size 16
I get constant compliments
I started seeing someone I have had a crush on for 6 years - I finally had the courage to let my presence be known
I fit in a plane seat comfortably
I FEEL better
I sleep better
I'm working hard to kick up the exercise and jump start the weight loss again. My sweet tooth still gets the best of me, as does the carb monster, but at a much different level than pre-surgery.
Hoping to be to 170 by my one year, that's a lofty goal, but I'm gonna give it my best shot!!!
Me vs. The Demon - Final Showdown
Dec 28, 2009
20 years ago I went to Jenny Craig and got to my lowest weight since I had children.. 209 pounds. Due to financial reasons, I had to quit going to Jenny Craig and instead of utilizing what I had learned to finally get back under 200 - I ballooned back up to 301 pounds (my highest weight ever.
10 years ago when I got on the scale and saw that terrifying number, I decided to put myself on a "common sense" diet. No drive thrus. No vending machines. I did the Richard Simmons "Sweating to the Oldies" video every other day. I drank less pop, ate less. I lost 60 pounds and was down to 220 pounds. Then I ballooned back up again.
As I was shoving yet another cookie in my face (ok maybe 3 or 4 a day but that is 3 or 4 too many) - it occured to me, that I was 3 pounds away from my lowest weight since almost high school.
209 is a HUGE hurdle for me, perhaps more than achieving Onederland will be.. I am so afraid that I will sabotage myself yet again.. that for some crazy reason, I will not allow myself to have this victory.
Thursday it was so quiet at work so I went to the gym downstairs and did 35 minutes on the elyptical.. I went to the gym on Saturday and kicked my own butt on cardio and did my weights.. I packed my lunch today and pre-made dinner for tonight and am going to the gym on the way home.
It's me against the demon - one final time.. I am not going down without a fight this time. I'm going to fight with everything I have...
And dammit.. this time I am going to win!
Six Months!
Dec 17, 2009
Honestly, I was hoping to be closer to the 100 pounds lost mark - Somehow got it in my head from reading these boards that maybe it could happen for me too - but alas no.
The Dr. told me today that I am doing VERY well. Her goal weight for me by 1 year is 180 pounds. The surgeon had told me 165.. I want 145... So we will see who wins. I'm only 37 pounds from 180 so I really think that is doable for sure..
A few tweaks to my diet - I need to eat less calories, I'm at between 1,000 and 1,200 some days when working out... I need to eat LESS protein and MORE carbs.. WTF? What an odd thing... but I am willing to try it and see if it bumps up the weight loss.
I need to start planning better again and weighing, measuring and packing lunches so that I do not graze and go out. Snacking is still a huge thing for me.. and since I am starting to feel real hunger, I have to be very careful about that.
I'm shooting for MY goal and I believe that with tenacity and hard work I can get there.. Oh and PLANNING. That is so important.
These next six months will include a lot of opportunities to get out of my comfort zone - taking classes at LifeTime, riding a bike this spring and maybe joining a volleyball league for fun. I'm trying to put my goals around fitness goals and eating healthier rather than being a size "x" by "xyz date." I get too discouraged if I do it that way.
Thank you to everyone for your constant support and Kudos.. I'm getting there - slow but sure!
Five Months
Nov 23, 2009
Five months out and slowwwwwly making progress. Down 60 pounds now and very close to my first major goal of hitting 220.
It's hard when you see people that had surgery well after you, scream past you in the #'s. Still, I have to remember that there have been many small victories that didn't happen on the scale this past month. A few of them are:
I can now do the childs pose in yoga and touch my forehead to the ground comfortably.
I can cross my legs - almost comfortably.
I can fit into a womens size 18 very comfortably and am almost in a size 16
People seem to be complimenting me more and more on how great I look
I was able to buy pantyhose that only had 1 x next to the size... HA HA HA
I wore a dress for the first time in many, many years
It doesn't seem likely that I will be in onederland by the first of the year and that is VERY disappointing.. but maybe by my birthday in January?
Until then, I'm gonna keep on - keeping on and try to remember that God is driving this bus and he gets to pick the speed limit..
Peace
Four Months and Frustrated
Oct 16, 2009
This past month I have lost a grand total of 4 pounds. I have worked out, eaten what I am supposed to.. and lost four pounds.
I am seeing changes in my body and the way clothes fit, but not huge numbers on the tape measure. How is that possible? How do you go from a 22 to an 18W when you only lose 4 pounds?
It seems the hardest part of this process for me is still not comparing myself to others. Realizing that MY journey is just that, MY journey - is hard to keep in perspective.
If you would have told me before the surgery that at 4 months I would be down 51 pounds and 51 inches, I would have thought "Right on! That would be fucking awesome!" Now here I am and I find myself worrying - "Other people have lost 70-100 pounds by now.. Your'e doing it wrong.. You're gonna screw this up too." I'm worried that this might be it.. what if I don't lose any more.. I see others posting that they are worried about the same thing, but what if I really AM the one exception to the rule..
So trying to focus on the positive for amoment :
This past month I took a ride on an airplane and fit in the seat with no problem.. I had about 5 inches of seatbelt to spare, which felt REALLY good.
I was able to hike around the foothills of a mountain with no problems and actually enjoyed it.
I find myself looking in the mirror and liking what I see more and more.
I'm not so intimidated to go to the gym and the towells actually fit ALMOST all the way around me.. Big NSV (non scale victory)
Starting to be able to cross my leg over my knee and not have it take a monumental effort to keep it there... in another 50 I'll be crossing them ladylike. (looking forward to that)
So that is my update for now.. I promise to try to focus less on the scale and more on the journey.. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. This surgery is NOT the easy way out by any stretch of the imagination.
Twelve Weeks
Sep 09, 2009
Now here I am not only bending over, but I can sit on the floor with my feet in front of me and touch my toes - with my nose touching my knees!!!
I have much more energy most days and most days do not mourn food. Labor Day weekend was a very tough one for me. Lots of picnics and parties. I was dying for some chocolate and the kids had some malted milk balls in the house and I ate 4 of them.. no dumping. So later I ate a few more.. then the next day a few more. I finally got a grip and had a little "internal chat" as I like to call them. It went something like this - pardon the f'bombs.
"Dumbass what the FUCK are you doing? You did not have this surgery so you could sabotage your chances of getting thin!"
"Seriously, does that candy taste THAT good that you are willing to get off-track? You have sugar free candy on the other counter. You have sugar free fudgicles in the freezer. Those are chocolate too - go get those if you MUST have something sweet."
"I am seriously going to have to get your ass into counseling if you think this shit is going to continue."
And so it went on for a day.. then I threw the candy out - never to return into my house. I also threw away a brownie cheesecake I found that the boys had in the freezer and two unfinished containers of Ben & Jerry's. I feel bad throwing perfectly good food out - but none of us need it.
I've behaved the rest of the week and got some good exercise in - walking with the dog.
Today's weigh in showed 8 pounds in the last two weeks. . . While on my period. My friend at work and I went into the locker room so I could weigh in (remember I handed over custody of my scale) and we both HOWLED when we saw that the scale went from 244 to 236.
I am hoping to be in the 220's by the time I go to Albuquerque NM October 1st. I may just hit that goal!
Two Months Out
Aug 13, 2009
While it is hard to believe it's been 8 weeks already in some ways, in other ways it seems like I should be further ahead than I am.
It seems I am spending more time doubting that I'm doing this right, than I am just enjoying the ride.
The compliments are pouring in about how "great" I look, as well as the dreaded question "How much have you lost now." I tend to be losing more inches than pounds at this point.. Going to the gym and walking the dog regularly is paying off in toning things up - but not showing so much on the scale.
I weighed in today and was down 8 pounds from my weigh in 3 weeks ago. I have lost 24 pounds since surgery and 32 pounds since preop appointment. These numbers are extremely disappointing to me... yet common sense says it's an average of 3 pounds a week. 3 pounds x 52 weeks is 150 pounds..
The angels voice on one shoulder says "Stephanie this is working, slowly - safely, be happy!"
The devils voice on the other shoulder says "You're gonna fail this too. You're eating too much - even if it is all high protein, good for you stuff. Everyone else is screaming past you just like always - you're a loser"
Boy were people right when they said the hardest thing to deal with is your head - not your eating after this surgery.
I spend more time trying to quiet the negative voices than I do being happy that I've lost 32 pounds.. I need to get a damned grip.
Reality Check
Aug 03, 2009
I have no perspective right now... My emotions are out of control and I am SO afraid I will truly be the first person to fail this surgery and vs versa.
While looking through some photos today - I came across one of me from last summer.. and one from this summer. It really helped me realize that some things ARE in fact changing...
Six Weeks Out Today
Jul 28, 2009
Week three was awesome because I got to start pureed foods. Some of my favorite foods were:
Scrambled egg with salsa and a touch of sour cream
Split pea soup with ham (homemade)
Cottage cheese with salt and pepper on it
Salmon with lf cream cheese and capers whizzed up
Spaghettio's with mini meatballs (had this 3 times until the can was gone.. YUM)
Victories of week three and four were:
*Started walking Karma (my yorkshire terrier) again on our 1.5 mile route with no problems
*Could FINALLY sleep on my side again with little to no discomfort
*Getting a routine in for vitamins, fluids and food - and it was flowing pretty smooth
*Measured myself week four:
Neck - lost 1 1/2 inches
Bust - lost 2 inches
Waist - lost 2 inches
Arms - lost 2 inches
Thighs - FOUR INCHES - off each thigh.. WOOO HOO
Calves - 2 inches
Challenges of week three and four were:
*Going back to work and getting the "once over" from everyone I saw
*My energy level was really low the first week back. It was doable but I was sure tired when I got home!
*Smelling the food everyone was cooking for lunch every day
*Really missing carbonation - Crystal Lite and water were getting really old
*Treats were out everywhere at work...
*The scale STOPPED MOVING..
Victories of week five were:
*Had to go buy smaller dress pants for work - jeans are fitting looser, but not as dramatic as dress slacks
*Was able to eat some more mainstream foods and my pouch handled them all fine except Jimmy Dean Turkey Sausages
*Survived a road trip (used to munch my way to Milwaukee) and a graduation party (can you say buffet nightmare)
*Put my scale in custody of a co-worker I trust so I would not be obsessed with weighing myself daily (let's be honest here, SEVERAL times daily)
Challenges of week five were:
*Still not seeing the scale move - see above comment about handing scale over
*Had to exhibit AMAZING restraint when my mother said to me "Is that too much turkey? (I had 2 oz on my plate) Is that turkey too dry? Can you have Miracle Whip? Are you taking too big of bites? Did you chew that well enough?
*Threw up the first time after trying to eat 3 turkey sausage links for breakfast.. YUK!!
So on to Week 6... I am going to do some major strength training at the gym this week and step up my walking. Fluids and food are fine.. Time to ramp up the exercise.
