nikimarie21

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seriously...can it get any better?!! im starting school 10lbs lighter than my goal...im in an AVERAGE jean size [16, not a 24 anymore!!!] im finally feeling better, going out..having fun! im only 48lbs away from my overall goal =] i love that people cant really recognize me and tell me im beautiful...cute...whatever! havent heard those compliments in...forever! [literally!] i finally get to be a normal girl, not worry about my weight and how gigantic i look, i get to have boy problems [never thought id be happy about that! crazy huh?!]...i get to shop at pretty much any store i want, try on my friends clothes...I LOVE IT! 
it really shows me that the little things in life truly mean the most..i mean seriously...im happy about having boy problems! 


until next time =]
<333
niki.marie

def. not feeling good today, my stomach hurts and i know it's cause i don't eat enough! but ugh....im never hungry! anyway, i've had like a month to write a paper which is due tomorrow and yep...still haven't started it! so i figured i'll take pretty much all of the reflection paper i had to write for my early childhood class and just expand on it...THANK GOD the papers are pretty much on the same thing! [reflections of my life...i just need to add in a little more] i really don't want to go to work, this after school program is such a waste, the kids don't do shit and my staff&&i are always so bored! there's no use planning crap! so we'll go outside today...whatever it's nice. minus all the complaining i'm excited to be down 3 pants sizes, a couple shirt sizes and still losing =] i LOVE wearing jeans.....it's been forever! after work im getting my nails filled in...it's so relaxing to just sit there and not think of school, or work, or eating [lol] well i guess i should go get ready for work, and maybe eat an orange...my head is killing me and the sugar always helps!
i hope things get better and i get back on track soon, idk how i'll do @ EIU if i can't get myself on track once again!! 

last night i had a dream that i was being weighed and didn't lose a damn thing since last month! [i don't get weighed again until may 29th when i go see my dr.!!!] what a way to boost my confidence huh? [and as i wrote that my tank top strap freakin fell lol, so ive gotta be losing SOMETHING!] anyway..the eating isnt going well still, but of course i love my liquids! 3 months until i move and im starting to get nervous&&excited!! 22 days until my birthday =] finally 21 and i won't be the loser who keeps everyone from not going out lol. well, i'm pretty much done with my rambling...just haven't written in awhile and that dream scared the hell outta me...ive waited so long for this, and a DREAM can knock down confidence! i'm just ready for a year out...and good results! 2 months down.....10 to go =]


have a great day! 

today was actually a really good day and im soooo glad it was! i actually finished one of the many projects i have to do..so thats 1 down and about a million more to go! i went to the celebration of a young child fair @ the community center with my child health and nutrition class it was amazing! i worked in the free books room...all parents had to do was fill out this survey about the fair and then they got free books [1 per child] the kids were sooo cute and i got to talk to so many people who work in the ECE field! i'm SO glad my majors are special ed//ECE...those teachers just bumped up my confidence about being an educator. plus we're going to be in the town magazine [yes i actually let people take a picture of me!] im sure ill still look like a whale cause im only 40 pounds down...but ill be a whale thats not as big as i was a month ago lol! my eating is getting a lot better too, finally oh! and my WATER intake...nestle purelife tastes soooo good so much better than every other type of water i tried [pre-op i loved water..now i cant stand the taste of it!] my secret is...i throw the water bottle in the freezer so it gets super cold or freezes...def. helps me a lot! i also went on a walk, i cant believe how fast i can walk now! this surgery is the best freakin thing that has ever happened to me! well thats my day =] might sound kinda boring but its a big change from everything else this week! tomorrow is a facial party now that im excited for! ive never had a facial and im so excited!! 

i'm pretty sure if i could just bust into tears i would!
ive been working on a menu plan [10 days//2weeks] for my ECE health and nutrition class ALL DAY!
then i have a reflection paper..lesson plans...a psych paper...a 5 hour observation...and a classroom design to do! i feel like my success rate not only with school but with my weight loss is just gonna bomb. i really need summer to get here cause im stressing out...havent been eating NEARLY as much as i should and have been really upset lately!  i went out last night and it felt soooo good to laugh and have fun...but then had to go right back to worrying about school. [[idk if i was supposed to try this yet, but after talking to my nutritionist...i tried a little vodka and light lemonade last night...im def. a cheap drunk haha i was feeling it like after a tiny shot!]]
anyway...it's down to the wire now...im done with school in like a month and then NEVER do i have to step foot into that community college again! im so excited about EIU!...i just want to make sure im going there with good grades and whatnot...so far it feels like i wont and i dont know what to do! i need a freakin break from it all. i think i took on too much this semester knowing i was going to have the surgery done in the middle of it all.


i need a miracle right now.
**update**
i'm not having another surgery for the gall stones! just gotta watch them and continue a low fat diet...pshhh thats easy, i rarely eat anything that has more than 8g of fat cause then i get sick! atleast SOMETHING went right!!!

i'm so upset right now i don't even want to write.
i found out yesterday i lost 18 pounds [yaaay!]
then get a call today that although my liver functions are back to normal...
i have gall stones.
so maybe another surgery to get them out?


whenever its going good...it turns bad.
seriously....
i hate this so much.

lately i've been feeling HUNGRY well mostly today when i was at work! everything looked so good and the kids around me were all eating pizza...pretty much whatever they wanted and i swear my stomach made a noise...i havent had hunger pains in almost 3 weeks! when i eat more or get super hungry i keep thinking the surgery was a total failure and it isnt going to work for me..i feel like ive gained all this weight when i barely eat anything as it is and idk maybe im just going a little nuts haha. ive got a lot going on with school, work, trying to lose weight! sometimes i feel like i have soooo much to do and so little time! i gotta leave soon for work [again!] im ready for today to be over with, i keep trying to push myself and it just makes me feel kinda sick....i wish everything would just get better!!! ughhhhhhhhhhhh

i think the title says it all...
i passed out in the hallway at school today! like 6 people from my class ran out and around me and i woke up on the damn floor. i hate this. i guess i hadnt eaten enough and my blood was all watery and plasma and i kept saying over and over no sugar please i had gastric bypass...i was so scared they were going to give me sugar and make me sick! well i spent like 4 hours in the hospital and im ok now, just had to come home and eat and had to miss my 2nd class. oh i also slept a bit so that felt really good. i hope i can get my eating habits under control so this doesnt happen when im living 3 hours away!!!

i'm really nervous! i haven't been around the kids in 2 weeks and im kinda scared that this one little....boy is gonna kick,hit,spit and everything else he did before i had surgery! [i work with special needs kids//adults]] im on restrictions still so hopefully my staff wont mind carrying anything in the school for the program and friday i cant swim! that was like my relaxing program and now i gotta sit on the deck where it's all hot and muggy =[ but oh well...i gotta make sure i stay safe! last night i felt kinda ehh again, but i walked again and wow, i never knew i could walk that fast! so after work im gonna go for another walk and try to take it a little further! one of my incisions got all bumpy and felt kinda sore and hard last night and i flipped out cause thats what i do when im worried haha...my mom said its fine and just healing so atleast thats one less thing im worrying about! tomorrow...the steri-strips come off cause its been 2 weeks! i was soooo terrified to have surgery and now im 2 weeks out i can't believe it!!!!




have a great day =]


update::
that kid wasnt there today! BUT even with restrictions i had to lift a girl up while on the damn bus cause she was throwing a temper tantrum! so im in a little pain now and while i was walking, i was in a lot of pain...but atleast i walked =]

hey!
yesterday was a pretty ehhh kinda day. i tried to go shopping...thought it would kinda make my day since i love to shop and well it didnt. i felt like everything i looked at was made for an old lady! i mean im used to that, but my attitude has been sooo different lately it kinda made me sad to go back to that mindset. so anyway, i drove like an hour away so i was pretty tired when i got home. i ate a snack and started to feel really sick! i had a really bad headache and felt like i was going to throw up. didnt help that my step-dad wouldnt stop pounding on the damn door trying to fix it and my grandma was smoking in the house when i ASKED them not to! it makes me even more sick now than it did before surgery. sometimes i feel like my surgery was a joke to some people...like they dont care if i feel sick. [the best is when im hungry and someone points out ''normal'' food to me...that one made me cry a few times!] well anyway, i laid down for a bit and my mom woke me up asking if i wanted to take a walk..its gorgeous here finally so i said yeah and we walked down my block to the park walked the entire path and back home. i actually kept up with her! towards the end i had a little bit of a pain but once we slowed down it went away and i began to walk faster...thats something VERY new! so we're going for a walk again today. when i got home my stomach was all weird feeling again and my head started to pound...maybe cause i hadnt eaten..stupid me!! so my mom made me some fish with pepper and garlic powder. 1 white potato with a little salt and parsley and then i dipped the fish in salsa and had a little lemon it was actually really good! after i ate my best friend called and asked if i wanted to go cosmic bowling...i was a little nervous since im still on restrictions but i ended up going and it was sooooo much fun! everyone told me how much happier i am and i can truly see it. there were 4 of us there and one of my friends made sure the ball i used was under 10 pounds, and everyone kept making sure it was ok..it was so sweet! i saw someone who i havent seen in awhile and used to have a big thing for and he wished me luck and said he was happy that everything is working out for me blah blah blah...now i dont even know why i ever had a thing for him!! losing just the littlest amount of weight opens your eyes..trust me! well anyway, i got a call from ''nameless'' and we had been talking for awhile, never in a relationship but just talking. he tells me that hes talking to another girl and pretty much throws me the peace sign and thats that. i went nuts! he kept telling me to watch my ----ing mouth and that made it worse..no one could believe i went off like that since i normally dont. but i really have gained a little confidence and everything just came out! it felt so good to not keep anything inside! :) so thats yesterday!!!!   today ive been printing stuff out for a paper and listening to music, im going to take a walk again since its gorgeous again and im really excited to take a walk! its no longer a chore..its helping me get to where i want to be! 


have a great day!!!!