OCCali_Girl

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So I have "fallen off the wagon" a bit this week.  I gave myself permission to have some dessert this week (the first I have had in 6 months, ) and made alot of food choices wayyy outside of my normal band meals and well I liked it, but of course I have gained a little weight, Like 1-2 lbs so it is not necessarily real gain, but i have been so steadily loosing that I don;t like to see that at all, but I also don;t want to beat myself up because I still have not eaten any where near the amount of food I used to eat!!  So this is a big deal!  I am human and am not perfect and I need to remember this  I am doing DAMN well!!

So I hate the diet mentality but Monday is a new day and I am going to get back on high protein low carb meal plan tomorrow thanks to my band I can do this and be successful!  No I can NOT go to the movie tomorrow night!  LOL

I wonder sometimes if I am trying to do this alone, and I know that won;t work, so I need to get back to therapy and continue to be successful I deserve it!!!

Thanks for listening!

I am watching the reality TV show "addicted to food" and am kinda scared..two of the women on there had gastric bypass and they lost a ton of weight and gained much of it all back and now are at this weight loss facility working on their addiction.  It sooo upsets me because it makes me think "shit whats happens when I loose the weight and how do I maintain it?"  It is pretty scary!

I have been successful at loosing weight and gained much of it back and damn it, it scares the hell out of me!  Today I forget  how difficult the weight maintenance is, I know I don't need to focus on that now, but it is scary none-the-less.

I am proud of what I have accomplished this far and made some HUGE changes in my way of eating... but I am sensing my need to eat sugar and crave these things that I have not eaten in 6 months.. It could be "my time of month" but it could be that I am not dealing well with things and well food has been that solution.

I have also been eating later at night.  I "Feel" hungry and do not like the feeling so I want to eat. the food I am choosing is better than what I used to choose, but I need to get away from eating so late at night... OK this is something I need to focus on!

I CAN do this!

I was scheduled for a fill last week, but due to an unplanned out of town trip I decided to wait and do it in 2 weeks when I can focus on liquids & mushies without worrying about anything!

Now I am not gonna say I love fills but I know they help and I am hungry after 2 -3 hours which TOTALLY sucks!  I like slider foods for breakfast, things such as yogurt & cottage cheese, but they are not holding me for long, it is very annoying!

I feel like I am doing pretty well, down over 40 lbs and just feeling like I should take a little break from trying to loose which I think will help my weight loss in the long run, so my body does not think it is loosing too much.

I know there are more things I should be doing, of which number one is exercise!  Man I hate it!!  I have such a mental bloc against exercise... I need to have sex that is GREAT exercise I hear! LOL  Any takers??  Hahah just kidding!

Just thought it would be a good idea to blog a little and get out of my own head.  I have to admit that I am truly VERY proud of myself of what I have accomplished and need to remember not to discount these things!  What I am doing here is VERY impressive and I deserve a lot of credit... Yeah me!!!

I am sitting here feeling guilty for making bad food choices today, but then when I look at reality  it was one bad meal and it was not the end of the world, but damn I hate that feeling!!  I was having a chili craving for a store that we have locally which is so good, but when I got there I ordered chili cheese fries and then other chili to eat later.   I ate about 3/4 of the chili fries, I was full but not throwing up. I do have restriction, but not as severe as it could be. I am TOTALLY suffering from PMS and it is driving me crazy!!  but in the scheme of things I am doing pretty damn good!!! shit why am i so hard on myself?  Tomorrow is a new day!  I can do this!!!

OK well that was an interesting experience, it was  a bit painful I won;t lie, mainly because he had trouble finding my port it had moved and so was about 2" below my incision and I am really quite a chicken about needles so that was not fantastic, but he used the fill under fluoroscope which was kind of cool!  I got 3 cc's and it seems like a good number, he went up to 4 and then down to 3.5 and back down to 3 and that's where I am at... I did get a bit light headed  so had to sit for a bit but have been able to drink OK, BOY oh BOY what a difference!  I had no restriction at all and now I have significant restriction!!  amazing! I t is a total change, I forgot I have to sip my liquids!!!  and small, small bites!  that's should be a bit of a challenge!!!

I have to say being that this is my blog, and I can say what i want that I don't really understand people who say they arn;t loosing weight, I can not see how it is even remotely possible to not loose weight when you cut your calorie intake form 2000 or more to under 1000!! damn!!!  I am down 25 lbs,which is about .5 lbs a day I hope to keep going with that!  If you follow the food plan you will loose weight!  if you eat crap you won;t... simple!!! sorry but this is how I feel about it!!!

Well I am doing OK and feeling that this adjustment was a great one for me and i will be able to loose ore weight in the next couple of weeks, along with my walking!  I am doing well damn it! and I need to be proud of myself!


OH yeah and I just have to say I LOVE my surgeon, he is really just awesome!!! I am so grateful he is the man guiding me through this process!!

Well I feel like I am floundering, Christmas Eve set me off eating indiscriminantly.  Being that I have no restriction it is hard to stop. Although I have felt it when I eat too fast or don't chew very well, it is only a momentary point of uncomfortable.  So that signal is good but I am still not making good food choices. I start every day really well and then by the end oif the day I have too much fat or  calories or protein!

I have never counted calories before in my life!  it is HARD!!  needless to say i ahve not been on the scale recently!

I can say I have done some really good things for myself so I need to congratulate  myself fof that.... No sugar, and no diet coke!!  Good for me!

Then after the food challenges one of my incision points got infected (probably Staph) and so my surgeon had to open it up and now I have to pack the fucking wound every day!!! GRRRRRR  so yeah this sucks!!!

Thats all for today 
TTFN! 

 

OK well this my fist weekend to go "out and about"  and it has been hard.  Along with missing some of my old foods I have No restriction yet with my band which makes it 10 times as hard!!!

I over ate almost all 3 days! Now mind you it was not like the past where I REALLY over ate, but I did not make good food choices either. I did have movie theater popcorn, sooo yummie no problem going down!

On top of all of it  has been pouring outside so I have no been able to walk, but as I write this I realize I can go to the mall or somewhere to do it. so I will do that.  It will be a good choice!  I am worried I am going to gain my weight back already!!! Noooo! 

And I read about some of the people who are not successful and it freaks me out!!  I know I made the right decisions but things are difficult right now!  I am on my own and I am not very good with that!!!

I hope I can get through the holidays without too many slip ups.. my brain is y biggest enemy!!  My head hunger!!! Grrrrr!

But one success is I sat across from my friend who had a Giant sundae for her birthday and I did not have ONE bit!! Now that is a Big deal!!!!! :)

As I was taking my walk today I was thinking about NSV's and the things I have changed in my life in just  the last 3 weeks... and I realized everyone here, regardless of the type of surgery has made some MAJOR NSV's to be where they are today and that this should not be lost on any of us!  We should all be very PROUD of ourselves!!

4 weeks ago I was eating fast-food at least once a meal, I NEVER thought about calories and had no concept of what I was putting in my mouth. I NEVER exercised; I drank 64 or more ounces of diet coke EVERYDAY!!  I ate for boredom, happiness, sadness and to just avoid my feelings....
and really was completely unaware of my body.  I knew I was Fat; however I did not even really realize how large I actually was!

So now 20 days later I have changed EVERYTHING about my food life. I have not had 1 sip of diet coke, I weigh and measure each bit of food, I have not had a bite of refined sugar,  I drink more water in a day than I would in a week and I actually woke up this morning and took a walk.!!. I have NEVER done that!

This is a big damn deal and I need ti remind myself of this, even on the days when I am tipping of the wagon or feeling like stuffing my face.  I already like the way I feel sooo muhc better and it will only get better from here!!

I JUST POSTED PART OF THIS TO SOMEONE ON THE FORUM AND THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD BLOG POST TOO

I was hoping to feel restriction right after surgery, however it did not happen...but I am TERRIFIED of two things.... Eating too much & injuring my stomach/insides and just the thought of throwing up so I "act" as if I am restricted.  I am amazed that just having the band has motivated me in ways I never thought possible! 

Fear is working for me!  I have no intention of "testing" what I can and can not eat with my band... its just not worth it.  13 LBS IN DAYS... I  almost cant wrap y head around that!!

My thought from the day I had my surgery is this thing is in me and it will make a difference if I let it! 
I love my Band and am SOOOOOO thankful to my amazing surgeon!

I saw my Surgeon today for my 1 week check up and I am doing well, healing up and all is well. I have also lost 13 lbs so that is VERY good! 

I really have to say I love my Surgeon!  He is such a great man!  He really cares about his patients and will go the extra mile for them.  I said thank you to him and started to cry... I am so emotional now that I am not eating...  I know it is good but geeze I start to cry at the drop of a hat! LOL

Sooo I am happy with the way things are going, but I gotta start to exercise and maximize my loss!!

Good day all around!