omarsmom510

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So, I have my first weigh in on April 11th. I'm scared! I have been doing everything that I suppose to be doing. I am eating right and working out. I am actually starting to enjoy working out. But I am scared that when I get on that giant scale it will laugh at me and tell me that all my work has been for naught because I have not lost any weight! So, I am getting my stuff together. I am tightening the belt, so to speak. I am upping my working out to twice a day when I am able and I am trying to reduce my calories even futher. My only cheating with the diet is between meals, but even my snacks aren't bad. It's usually fruit! So, wish me luck...

I am hungry! I am not used to eating so damned little! I am in the process of loosing 20 pounds pre-op. I am determined but discouraged at the same time. How do I get passed the hungry feeling? I was actually dreaming about a ribeye and mashed potatoes this morning. Isn't that sad?! I want this badly, though. So I am sticking it out. I got on the computer to take my mind off of my impending hunger and I think that I will go to the gym in a moment and burn off some frustration. I HOPE THIS IS ALL WORTH IT ONE DAY, SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's 03-23-07. I meet my surgeon today for the first time, Dr. Gorrin.  He seems to be very  nice. I had my first evaluation at the clinic for the surgery. Everyone there was very nice and very helpful. I learned all about all the things that I am going to have to accomplish prior to surgery. The things don't seem easy, but I am determined to see this through. The surgeon said that I am a prime candidate for the surgery. I am trying to get excited about everything, but I don't think that I will really believe that anything is true until after I am wheeled out of  the operating room.  I have to loose 20 pounds pre op. That will need to be done in 6-8 weeks. I am the most worried about that. I have to begin eating on a toddler sized plate and taking 20 minutes to finish that meal. I  also may not drink any thing during my meal, 10 minutes prior to my meal and one hour after. That is going to be the most touture! I think I can even handle the small portions before I can handle no drinking. I am a beverage fein! But, I will do this! I am determined. No matter what it takes, I will do this.

Hello,

It's 2-12-07. I am hoping to have rny surgery soon. I have been preparing mentally for this for almost eight months now. It was a huge decision to even research surgery as an option for myself. To be honest I'vealways felt like wls was a punk way out. After doing my research and reading the many blogs and posts on this website, I no longer feel that way. I have diabetes, hypertension and chf. I also have a son who is almost three. I want to see him turn four and so on and so on. In order for this to happen, I have to loose weight. I have no options! 

So, I wait, I am awaiting approval from my insurance, United Health Care, to pay for the surgery. I really wish that it was not about money and that I could just walk in and have the surgery tomorrow. I try not to be jealous of those who have this luxury, or nearly this luxury. I do find myself upset with those who choose to take wls lightly or who do it for cosmetic reasons only. I know they have that right, but it still burns me up. 

So, I am waiting and holding on. I am so tired, so tired of being fat and sick that I don't know what to do! The waiting has just really begun and I understand that, but it dosen't make it any easier. 

So, I wait. I wait for the insurance company to make up thier minds. I wait for the time when I will feel better. I wait for the day when I can move freely. It's really some of the little things that I wait for with the most anticipation. Tying my own shoes! I miss that. Wearing clothes comfortably, I miss that. Bending over and still breating, I miss that.

So I wait. I will contiue to wait. Wait until that glorious day when I will be free. Free from the hoplessness, free from the despair. I will wait. I will get stronger while I wait. 

Please don't cry for me, Mama, for I am waiting. I will wait for as long as it takes. I will wait. Please pray for me in my quest, in my wait. When you see me, when you talk to me or even think of me, I want you to pray for me. Pray that the wait is not too long. Pray that the wait is worth it, pray.

So I wait...