the battle of want vs 'should'

Mar 15, 2011

I have a feeling that surgery will be a cinch compared to trying to adapt my eatting habits before-hand. Maybe I am looking at it wrong, but I see surgery as the kick in the butt that I need to make sure that I follow the diets and start eatting right. When I mentioned that at my appointment with my nurse she told me that my desire to change should be the kick, and that I should change all my habits before surgery, not plan to do it after. I do plan to do it before, but it has to be gradual. I fail when I try to adapt all at once. I am not wanting to agree to surgery just to set myself up to fail before I even get a surgery date. I do want to change. I do want to lose weight. I should change my eatting habits... I don't want to. That's the difference. After surgery it will be that I have to, not want to. I have willpower issues. I need have to. Want to just doesn't motivate me enough. There is no severe or immediate consequence if I don't do what I want to. I want to adapt my eatting habits over time while preparing for surgery. Slowly. I have a lot of habits to lose. Snacking on the run. Skipping meals. Bad food choices. A love for rich creamy pasta. A carb obsession. An iced capp addiction - made with cream and the shot of chocolate syrup. If I have to give up too much at once I will fail. And giving up without a substitute in place ensures failure for me. I have tried. Many times. Am I looking at it all wrong? I need someone who has actually been in my shoes to tell me their opinion. I don't need a skinny nurse telling me that I am thinking about it all wrong. I want to lose weight. I want to keep it off. I want to not feel deprived. I want to be able to buy clothing at a regular store. I want to not be ashamed of how I look. I want to be able to fit thru the stupid metal posts at the exit of zellers without squeezing thru. I want to be able to fit past the person in front of me when the next cash opens up at a store and I get called to it. I want to be able to keep up with my children. I want to not always be the largest person in the room. I want to not be mistaken for being pregnant anymore. But I want... to have all that without giving up my bad eatting habits dammit!! *sigh*

1 Comment