In a slump...*sigh*

Dec 29, 2009

I have been in a "holiday slump." Ugh! I hate this, too. I can't seem to put down the sugar free candy and just leave it alone. I know they are better than regular candy because they don't spike the blood sugar, but they're still not healthy. They are not helping me get to my goal. They are not helping me get any healthier. I don't know why I ever picked them up! I did it when I was out of the 2g net carb chocolate bars (with no sugar alcohols). I need to get up from here right now and throw them all away, in the outside garbage can that's nasty and disgusting. If I buy any more, I should just burn the same amount of cash that I spend on them. Will that teach me? Probably not, sadly. UGH. I get so disgusted with myself. This is exactly why I had WLS. Not to cheat. To be accountable.

I need to go back to the surgeon's office. I've had a hard time swallowing my pills first thing in the morning lately. Today was horrible! I've had more issues than ever since the last band adjustment. I think part of it has been stress. My husband was at home, without a job, for six weeks - four weeks longer than we'd planned. And 4 weeks longer than we'd budgeted. Major stress! Then all the paperwork we had to do for that job. OMG! It was unbelieveable. Then I stressed about driving to and from Columbus, Ga. (Ft Benning) - where he was for Thanksgiving. Then, a week later, I was driving to Douglas, Ga., to the hospital where my grandfather was dying. He was pretty much comatose then, and I feel horrible that I didn't visit them more often. He passed away that Sunday after they had the ventilator removed. Top all of this with my family coming into town, minus my sister, who was having her band replaced. It had slipped or moved and the surgeon replaced it with one of the newer models. There was lots of food all the time. And not all good foods, of course, because it was for a funeral and for our family Christmas weekend get-together. During a 6-day period, I drove from Waycross to my house (about 100 miles one-way) atleast four times. Atleast! I didn't have my food with me, just natural peanut butter and skim milk. And I get very anxious eating around others.

I got into some bad habits during all that running around and I can't knock them now. I just want to kick myself in the butt! I know better than this and I didn't have WLS just to sabotage myself and my life again. I will not return to my old lifestyle. It just is NOT an option.

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