pinkshrimp
6 Month Surgiversary!!
Jul 14, 2009
6 Months!!!!Jan 2, 2009 - 315lbs
Jan 13, 2009 - Day of Surgery - 300lbs
July 13, 2009 - 209.2
Total Loss : 105.8
Loss Since Surgery - 90.8
So happy with how far I've come. My outlook on life is so different today compared to Pre-Op WLS. I have always been an introvert, but, at my heaviest, it was extreme. I wouldn't want to go out where there would be people I had to get introduced to. I would be so self conscious and worried about what they thought of me. I was ashamed that people would think I was "weak" and "dirty". I had in my mind different peceptions of how I thought people viewed me. On one hand, there was this woman who had self confidence and pride in the workplace. Respected and looked up to in her job. On the other hand, outside of work, someone who was weak and couldn't control her weight. Thought that if people viewed me this way, how could they think I could be in control of any other part of my life. I did not like people thinking of me as "weak". So, instead, outside of work, I limited my contact with the outside world to a minimum. Using the excuse that I didn't have time or that I didn't have a babysitter. Just any excuse to use so I wouldn't have to expose myself and lack of self confidence to others.
I remember years ago, while I was talking to a male co-worker. Remind you, I keep my personal life very seperate from my job. Meaning I didn't discuss dating or anything in that nature at work and he was happily married. I was probably around 230lbs at the time and worked out. We got into a conversation of how we thought people of the opposite sex looks at us. So, in his view he thought I was self confident and thought I could have a pick of men that I wanted to date. WHAT???? Of course I didn't say anything to him except really? You think that? I didn't deny or confirm it to him but he was so sure of it. If that is truly what he thought, then I must put on a pretty good act because that couldn't be further from the truth. To this day, I have a really hard time just making eye contact with a man. I am always the one to look away even if I'm interested.
Anyway, to get to my point, no matter at 315lbs or 230lbs, I have had self image issues which wouldn't allow me to break away from hiding. I think because I have gone up and down in my weight so often, that even though I felt pretty good at 230lbs, I never felt confident enough that I would keep the weight off, and eventually this person who I might be interested in, would see me again later on at 300lbs and be disgusted at what they saw. Don't know if that makes any sense, but, the weight just seemed to by hybernating until it was ready to come out again and it always did. With this surgery though, I have hope. I don't feel that way anymore. I feel with this tool, I have the help I need to take control of that part of my life that had gotten the better of me for so long. I can now control my weight and feel confident that it won't come back. Leaving me the freedom to go out and meet new people without the fear that they might see me a few months from now 50lbs heavier. I feel free now.
My journey is no where near the end. I still have another 50lbs I want to lose. I know I'll get there.
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About Me
HI
Location
25.6
BMI
Surgery
01/13/2009
Surgery Date
Aug 27, 2008
Member Since
