Candi Y.

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Can't even get myself to admit I've gained almost 40Lbs back... This addictions needed alot more then a band, PLEASE HELP me understand why I am doing this to myself and so un-happy again>>>

OK, so here's where I'm at.. To make a long story short, I am banded almost 3 years, had my last fill back in June of '07, was a little overfilled and had some out.  Felt fine since, just lately felt a little out of the loop and had gained back about 8lbs, always remember continue to WEIGH YOURSELF, that weight finds us quickly!  So decided to go see my Doc and get the GI X-Ray done just to confirm all is well with my band.  WELL, that wasn't the news I got on Sept. 14th, after seeing the X-ray my doc told me I had a slight slip, nothing like WAKE UP CALL, I don't have insurance for this...Anyway was put on liquids for 3 weeks, wow......but doable when you put your mind to it and take your VITAMINS, and went Monday back to Doc's and my band and I are back to PERFECT!!!!  Amazing the difference in the X-rays and the size of my stomach above the band before and really I had NO stomach above the band on Monday, so I am now back on food......YESSSS, but really need to be back on track!!!  THIS IS WHY I LOVE MY BAND, I know so many people that have had the by-pass and once they stretch their pouches, there's no fixing it... I LOVE MY BAND, I could never say it enough... So, what have I learned...... Boy I hope and pray I've learned from this, but then again, I have this disease and obsession with JUNK FOOD, but I have learned... FIRST OFF... when the scale is moving in the wrong directions, don't wait, CALL YOUR DOC, don't be embarrassed like I was!!!    Secondly.... Stay in touch with a means of support, like OH,  I totally slack on this board and it truly does help.  Thirdly.... Measure your food, ALWAYS.. and FOURTHLY... I am now going to make sure I visit my Doc at least 2 times a year, if not 4 times!  Until he invents that BRAIN BAND that I'm waiting on, I need to stay in tune with my addiction!!!  Thanks everyone for always being here!!  I'll be in touch, its a part of my new commitment.  It is FOOTBALL season though and MINGUS is kicking butt!!!  GO MINGUS!!!!

Ok, this is my second step in accepting and being accountable for what I've done.  My first step was going to see Doc and got the most SHOCKING news, though I guess I shouldn't be shocked, but I was.  That I have a slight slip, Doc was pretty busy so we really didn't get into to much accept that I have OVER EATEN MY BAND.  The tears just flowed, but thankfully my support person and SARGENT was there to stop those, but what a failure I feel like.  Did I know I was making bad choices and not excercising, YUP, but did I think or FEEL like I had injured my life saving tool, NO!!!!!!!  But I guess I have and all I can do is follow Doc's orders and see if my stomach will replace itself back under the band without any surgery.  At this point theres NO WAY I could afford any surgery to fix this.  I AM STILL SO SO DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF!  What a sickness this is..... My emotions are out of control and I need to get things BACK IN TACK!  I was such an inspiration to so many and feel like such an ass right now... Then theres this part of me that of course just wants to EAT EVERYTHING in my way!  What a disease this is.  SO here I am writing on my blog that I have neglected for so long and I'm just trying to feel like its my new start and I can finally get rid of those last 30lbs that I never did!   Liquids for 3 weeks... Yum, and to boot with a drained band!  GREAT!!!  Wish me luck

Wow, again its been a while, I am still at the same stage, floating around 197-199, I guess thats a GOOD thing, but also in a way its not.  I NEVER MET GOAL YET!  Darn it!  I get mad when I read here and relize I'm at the same stage.  Gonna try to get into Phx for a group meeting, now its the holidays and all the sweets are around, just so thankfull my band limits my intake.  Well I'm gonna try and stay more in tune with my profile, I really need to drop some more weight, even though it makes for more hanging skin, thats ok, I want to see the scale move further away from that dreaded 200# number.  Happy Holidays

Its so funny that we don't change as people, we try, and I guess there are people who succeed, but it sure is hard....  I have not reached goal, but I am close, have the last 30lbs to go, but why I'm writing is because my journey as inspired so many, that I now need it to INSPIRE me.  With the great suggestion of someone I inspired, I have read through my whole journey from March of 2007, wow almost 2 years past... One thing I can say NOW.. It does fly..I noticed I wrote several times how long it seemed to be taking, well now it sure seems like it went fast.. When I started this journey I weighed in at 303lbs, my biggest EVER, I never even weighed that pregnant, close, but never went over the 300lb mark.  At my year BANDIVERSARY I weighed in at I beleive 201lbs, so I had lost 100lbs in a year! What an accomplishment, but we do soon forget about what we've accomplished and start with the giving in factor again..  I guess when you hear people say "You have to change your life" you do, BUT HOW??? When we've lived this way for over 40 years.  Right now I am back into eating the wrong foods, grant it I can only eat so much, THANK YOU BAND! I stop at the first sign of intergestions, and we're not suppose to wait for a sign and I never used to I did everything by PORTION SIZE, what happens.......My life is no different then yours, it has it's stresses, it's ups & downs, but overall I really good life and have done much more then the average Joe.........Food just seems to make me happy, not only when I'm down but on an average day, food just seems to bring joy.  So my life now is so much better and happier without that extra 100lbs, I do so much and don't have that "I'm so fat Worry", though there are plenty of times I still look at myself as FAT, cause I am still, I'm not OBESE anymore, but I am still Fat or I'll be nice.. BIG.  Ok, so I'm ranting on...My port, Yup I know EXACTLY where it is, I can feel it anytime or anywhere, but it doesn't bother me at all, its just that theres not 100lbs of fat between it anymore so you can feel it and also see it when I lay down, but nothing that bothers me, I'm not looking for a BIKINI body.  I havne't had a fill in over a year, sometimes I'm thrilled with that and other times I worry cause it just doen't seem right?? But hey since all is well I'll just keep moving along, do I think a fill would help me start loosing again?? Good questions, but my answer might surprise you...NO... Cause I am already pretty limited to bite sizes and food choices, so I know its the calorie intake with my that keeping me from loosing.  I call it ICE CREAM, goes right threw our bands, YUP a million people have said to me"Oh theres great frozen yogarts out there", I know this, its just a BAD CHOICE I make and THIS is where my problem lies............WHY......and this is where I wish Doc would invent a BRAIN BAND, cause its the WHY that I need my answer too...OK, what have I slacked on.........Food choices, portion sizes, big one here...EXCERCISE, so WALA...thats the answer to WHY I haven't been loosing or hit my goal yet, here it is right in front on me in BLACK & WHITE.......Just amazing!  So I took this advise and read my journey and it felt great and TODAY I am MOTIVATED and I am going to try (oops shouldn't say that) and today I AM GOING TO get back on track and begin loggin here on a regular basis again... I hope this blog wasn't to BORING... I'm not that good of a speller or writer... THANK YOU "JEN" for telling me to reflect on my own personal journey, I needed it!  If theres anything I left out about being a year into the BAND LIFE, I'm sorry, for each and everyone of us this journey will be SO VERY different!  HERES TO MY NEW START.......  30lbs TO GO!

Wow, I'm bad and I'm just HUFFERING around the 200lbs mark, its been a while and that sucks, I still linger in, but since my whole profile got screwed up, I dont even have my scale anymore, this sucks, I just can't figure out how to fix this mess.  I'm still here and still huffering and lurking in, all I need to do is get back to the gym and STOP EATING ICE CREAM and I'm sure I could get to goal.  Well over a year since I've had a fill and still feel I dont need one, I just need that BRAIN BAND one of these days. Sorry its been a while, to read my story you have to go to next page I guess and god knows where my tickers went? Cyberland I guess!

Ok, now I have to get going, just went hoem and visited family and friends who haven't seen me since I was -40lbs and some hadn't seen me since I was 300lbs and WOW what a great MOTIVATER that is, even though I still gained 2lbs on the trip I know it was the BOOZE, I'm not gonna kill myself, just gonna get back on track!

Wow I think its like a month now and I haven't lost a thing and its MY OWN FAULT cause I'm just slacking with everything, excercise, eating, you name it! WHY?? Probably because I feel better about myself and I think I can do this, I'm just lucking I'm not gaining.THANK YOU BAND! Gotta get my sh$% together! PLEASE HELP!

Ok now its 3 weeks stright and still MY FAULT, its that feeling comfortable feeling and I dont wanna have this yet! Otherwise gotta SNAP outta this and get on track, wanted to loose at least 5 more pounds before my trip to NY on JUNE 3!

I'm so sad that I can't get this journey right, I MISS WRITING! Anyway stayed the same 2 weeks stright now, my own fault! Wish I could get someone to help this dumb compt chick!