Raquelline
excited, and I just can't wait for the rest of my new life!
9/19/09 Oh my goodness!!!! I thought I couldn't get any more excited,
but I was wrong. If everything continues to go smoothly, I will have a
surgery date within 8 - 10 weeks. I completely trust the surgeon I
met, and couldn't feel better about this process. I am making a positive
change for the rest of my life!
10/5/06 I can't believe how anxious I am! I really want the days to
fly by. I don't have a date yet, but yesterday I met with the dietician
and her evaluation was positive. Tomorrow I have my psych eval, and I
should get to set a surgery date next week! I suspect my suregery
won't be until mid-November. My only problem with that is how will I ever
manage to be patient??? I wish my surgery could be next week!
Wednesday would work .
As I have been going through this, I have tried to be completely honest
with my sons. As a single parent, I constantly tell them they are
allowed input, but I am the one who makes the final decision - and that we
should all be praying. My oldest is 11, and he just made me promise to
follow doctor's orders to the letter. My youngest is 7 (soon to be 8),
and he just prays nightly that God keeps me alive. Bless their hearts!
I also have been extremely blessed with a broad support base here, even
though my extended family all live states away. Many people are
praying for me, and a few select ones have committed to being active in my
pre- and post-op needs. Two girlfriends have been attending a WLS
Support Group with me. One of them is actually going to move in with me for
several months, and strangely enough, she is excited about the
opportunity to help out with the cleaning, the boys, and whatever I might need.
She is even going to begin walking with me....starting today!
Another wonderful friend has taken on the task of keeping it all real
for me. She is the reason I began taking my vitamins regularly, and why
I stopped drinking carbonated drinks, and why I was forced to realize I
need to be disciplined in all areas of my life.
I really have so much going on in my mind right now. I am trying to be
patient. I read as much as I can about how surgery has affected
others. I want to know everything - the good stuff, the bad stuff, the
seemingly insignificant stuff, everything!
One of the things I do have to say is that I am not a miserable person
trapped inside a big body. Rather, I am a princess - a daughter of the
King! As such, I know it is my responsibility to take care of this
temple He gave me for His Holy Spirit to indwell. I am ashamed that I
haven't been a better manager of my Lord's resources. However, my God is
a God of unconditional love - and He is with me at all times, heavy or
not. I believe that He will bless these efforts to be physically
healthy.
The rest of my earthly life doesn't begin on surgery day. It begins
today. And today I choose to live for Jesus.
10/7/06 Well, goodness, how things change! My pysch eval was
yesterday, and I have been through a whirl of emotions. The psychologist has
recommended that I address emotional eating before going ahead with the
surgery. I say, "recommend" but I am fully aware that her approval was
needed to go full steam ahead. On one hand, I was (and am) quite
disappointed. On the other hand, I know that she is completely correct.
I am not on this path in order to weigh less or be a certain size by
some specific date. I am on this path as a means to be a healthy
individual. If I truly want to be healthy, than I need to be willing to look
at all the aspects of my life - not just the physical, but the
emotional, mental, and spiritual sides as well.
I want to make sure that I am giving myself the absolute best course
and opportunity for long-term success. If that means waiting 3 months,
or 6 months, or however long, than I should do so.
In the meantime, I am going to continue to work on those lifestyle
habits I want to develop: continue taking daily vitamins, walking (or some
other form of exercise), only having 3 meals a day (vs grazing all day
long), sipping water, learning to eat more slowly and without drinking,
etc...
I am excited that I was given a referal to another psychologist who has
had WLS. I really believe that not only will I be able to learn
appropriate mechanisms for dealing with my emotional triggers, that I will be
more fully prepared for the drastic changes this surgery brings.
Maybe I was moving along so quickly so that I specifically would come
to this point - a place where I would have to confront my giants in
order to move forward. I can't help but think that the transformation of a
person who has turned to food in good and bad times, to someone who not
only can identify what is going on with my emotions but can express
them appropriately without the need to reach for some type of food, is
probably more important than the physical transformation of losing weight.
I am disappointed about the surgery delay, no doubt about it. Yet, I
still wait in anticipation for each new day, because I know that I am
definitely on that path towards health.
10/10/06 Goodness! Sometimes we just know that we are in God's will.
When I called last Friday to try to make an appointment with the
counselor to whom I had been referred at my psych eval, I ended up catching
her on her cell phone while she was out of state. She asked that I call
her office and my insurance. Well, I ended up leaving a message at the
office, and found out that Kaiser is VERY counseling-friendly.
Since I hadn't heard back from the office, I decided to call again
today, and lo and behold, I was able to speak with a real person (love when
that happens!). And, get this! Instead of the 3 - 4 weeks I was told
to expect to wait, my appointment is TOMORROW! How cool is that?
I am still dealing with my disappointment about not having WLS within
the next few weeks, but to me this is just another confirmation that I
need to go through this healing process. In the meantime, I am proud of
myself for not using food to console myself, and for making the weekend
a productive one. Life is good!
