Rayah19
I'm not sure where my story begins but I always remember being the biggest in everything I did. My dad is 6'2 and my mom is 5'9 so you can see how I got my height. I was almost 6 feet tall by the time I got to highschool. Not only was I the tallest but also the heaviest. I went to a private school in elementary through middle school with only 7 students in my class. Of course, with only 7 students, the chances of me being the tallest and heaviest are pretty high. I was bullied, teased, picked on, beat up, and eating would be my comfort. I was a closet eater. Dinner time, I would tell my parents I wasn't hungry and then after they went to bed, I would eat. I was diagnosed with PCOS by the time I was 16. I grew up knowing I was born to be a mom. Then when I was told I probably wasn't going to be able to conceive, I was pretty much heart broken. I ate more, was bullied more and then I was just over it. I didn't care anymore. I went to a new school and instead of giving anyone the chance to bully me, I became the bully. I wouldn't let anyone look at me, touch me or say anything about me. I wasn't at all like that deep down, I just had way to much pain being bullied that I wouldn't allow it to happen again at my new school. I had friends that were bullies and they created this barrier around me and I wouldn't let anyone in. My now husband went to my highschool and he was so afraid of me and my friends that he never talked to me. He would literally make a u-turn every time he saw us coming. It wasn't until after highschool that we started talking and he realized I wasn't at all the person I made myself out to be. After we told his mom that we were going to get married, all communication between his family and us was cut off. They no longer want anything to do with him and that threw me through a deep dark depression mode. I figured that if I wasn't so fat, they would be proud to call me a daughter-in-law. I gained about 40 pounds in 7 months from this mood that I couldn't get out of. Nobody wanted me. My mom spent thousands and thousands of dollars on diets, pills, doctors, books, special drops, and machines that never worked. I felt bad for being an inconvenience. I tried committing suicide but its hard when you have to think of a way to kill yourself so no one has to deal with your fat body. How embarrassing that not even death would accept you. My husband and I got married on January 9, 2011 and I felt like a silver beach whale. I hated the fact that I couldn't find a wedding dress and we had to pay for someone to make one for me. Fortunately, I found someone that would make my dream Maggie Sottero wedding dress for me. I started looking for surgeons at the beginning of 2012. My little cousin needed to go for ear surgery one day and as I was sitting in the hallway, the guy sitting next to me said something to a doctor passing by. He then told me how that was the man who changed his life. I knew then that the doctor that passed was gonna change mine too. Because my BMI was so high, I was approved by my insurance on my first try. I received my surgery date January 15,2013 and at my heaviest weight ever, 368, I will be going through surgery in 9 days. I couldn't be more excited. I received the negative opinions and unwanted comments about what I'm about to do and I'm still ready. Nervous, yes, but ready. I feel horrible that my husband has to look at me this way. He's the sweetest man I have ever met and tells me everyday that it doesn't matter, but it matters to me. I can't wait to hear other people say, wow, that guy is so lucky to be married to such a pretty woman. And above all else, I can't wait to be a healthy mom.
