02-15-09 struggling

Feb 15, 2009

I  have given away all my clothes size 18 & over. I am trying to condense my closet. I have had a few issues lately. Everyone is making comments as to how much weight i have lost. But- some do it in less tactfull ways than others. " you better start eating", "you are so little theres gonna be nothing left", "you better be exercising"... why cant people be happy for me? Why is there always someone trying to put me down for what i have done?
My boss is having a freaking competition with me - "i exercised so much last night i cant move today" - crap like that--- she doesnt want me to get smaller than her i guess - its so annoying! i have come a long way, sacrificed alot & she cant just let me have that! she has to compete with me. she always has to be the center of attention. oh well- i guess i have to deal with it.
i have been slacking on my exercise - havent been doing it at all. i am really disappointed in myself for that.
eating was such a big part of my life that i have been trying to fill that void with something. people still try to pressure me into eating things i know i shouldnt- they dont realize this surgery wasnt a temporary fix! - this is forever!
i have started smoking & drinking on the weekends- i never been into much since my seizures- but now it happens so much faster! i need to keep an eye on it b4 it gets out of control. I guess i am just in an unknown point in my life. i have had such a dramatic change to it & havent learned how to deal with it yet. I was just divorced about a year ago & my ex is still in my life - i am in limbo! i dont know where i am headed - but- i know where i want to be.
i have lost 58 pounds & am having such a renewal of my life ! my sex life is better - its so different without the extra added weight - it like we are 18 again, but on the other hand - he is more jealous than ever.
i guess i maybe need a little guidance from someone who has been here before..???

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