Ready4Life14

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and it feels ONEDERFUL!!  I weighed in on Monday and I'm officially out of the 200s.  I was just thinking. . .It's been so many years since I've been here that it was actually like a celebration for me. It really boosted me!  I'm still riding on a high.

On to the update of what's going on with me. . . .

I find myself getting depressed and somewhat out of sorts when it comes to meal time.  OR, when my family does a celebration of food - a dinner outing, a stop at a nice restaurant, stop for ice cream. . .anything.  It actually makes me feel bad.  I was trying to explain it to my husband but he doesn't get it. . .I'll try to explain it here and hopefully someone will understand my gibber and be able to tell me what it is I'm going through or when it will change.

I LOVE the way I look and feel.  I've never felt so good health wise and I love the way clothes fit.  I went shopping the other day and I was actually amazed and the smaller sizes that I could fit and actually looked good in.  I'm trying to pace myself and not buy too much because the weight is still coming off.  I can sit comfortably in a chair and cross my legs.  Haven t been able to do that in years.  My husband and I travel a lot.  Usually we're late and running through the airport trying not to miss the flight.  Usually I would tell him to run on ahead and let the gate agent know that I'm coming. . .eventually.  But this past weekend, I was running and almost beat him to the gate.  I was winded but not nearly exhausted as I had been in the past.  SO many things are chagning for me.  It's just meal time.  I get so depressed.  The other day, my brother said.. oh hey, let's all meet at Culver's (my FAVOROTE Burger restaurant). . .I instantly felt sullen and withdrawn and so guilty that not only was I not hungry. . .but I just didn't want to go!  This was my favorite place!  Anytime food is mentioned or I see other people enjoying meals that I once enjoyed really makes me sad.  And I don't know if 'sad' is the word. . .I just feel a longing.

Will this feeling ever pass?

I've been doing ok. . .so far, so good.  I am officially 6 weeks post -op as of today.  I've been doing great.  I can tell the weight is coming off steadily.  SLOWLY. . .but steadily.  I lose about .5 to 1 lb a day.  totally amazing.  Still not eating that much.  No desire to eat.  I eat just to keep up with my protein.  So, for the most part, I still do the protein shakes twice a day and a VERY light meal in the evening.  My evening meal usually consists of a few slices of wafer thin sliced type deli meat and an ounce of sharp cheddar cheese.  Anything more, I get that nagging pain in my chest that feels like my pouch is about to contract and explode.  So, I just make do with the protein shakes.  Not sure when I'll be able to tolerate more. But for now, I'm ok.

I can't stop weighing myself!  Although I tell my self, ok. . .I'm going to weigh in only once a week on Friday.  Today is Thursday and I've weighed yesterday and today.  I gotta get it out of the house.  I don't want to be addicted to my scale.  I check it constantly.  It doesn't change by much but I'm just anxious for results.  I'm loving the way my clothes fit.  I went to the Dr Tuesday and my BP was 118/67.  I've never seen that number before.  I've already ditched my BP med and cholesterol med.  So, I'm already on a positive road for success.  So, for that I am truly grateful.

I have some family events coming up in the next few weeks. . . Father's Day celebration with my family, My birthday is the 18th.  Family reunion the last weekend.  I just want to feel good about what I've done for myself.  I'm hopeful that i'll be able to get through these celebrations without breaking my pouch!

Well. . .tomorrow is my one month surgiversary.  I had gastric bypass on May 7.  I feel like I'm missing something.  It's almost been 30 days since surgery and I've only lost 29 pounds.  I've read tons of blogs where people have lost over 30 to 45 lbs in the first month.  Have I done something wrong.  Before you tell me everyone is different and they lose weight at different paces, I know this is very slow.  I haven't even made 30 lbs.  I don't meet with the Dr for my 30 day checkup until the 10th.  So. . perhaps I'll have lost more by then.  But this seems really really slow to me.

This past weekend, I was a baby shower.  As I was setting up the buffet table. . . mind you, I was NOT hungry and feeling really good at my scale and the compliments I had been getting. . .but as I was setting up the buffet table with all the foods and desserts, I was immediately overcome with a weird emotion.  These were all my favorite foods and there it was in great abundance, but I had no desire to eat it.  I wasn't hungry physically or mind hungry.  But my emotions got the better of me and I felt depressed . . .I think because I had no desire for the foods that I had once loved and devoured!  Is this normal?  Will this feeling go away over time?

I'm 3 weeks post op.  I feel hungry.  I think about food all the time.  I think about all the food I can't eat.  I envision actually chowing down on some of the foods that I used to be able to eat.  Why is this happening to me?  I think I'm at a stall and I've only lost 23 lbs.  Is this normal?!??!

What can I do to combat these hunger pangs and desire to chew?  Am I not getting enough protein which is why I'm at such a stall this early on?  I know I"m not getting enough water. . .but I'm really trying with the protein and it's hard since I can't really eat anything since the 'episode' the other night.  I'm just so frustrated!  Is my tool not working for me?  Am I not working my tool properly.  I'm distraught and stressed out!

Yesterday evening, I cooked pan seared talapia and scrambled eggs for my dinner.  I had only eaten maybe 3 or 4 bites and was already full.  That's pretty normal.  But then about 15 minutes later, I started having these painful pressure 'bubble's in my chest cavity and then rolling down to my upper stomach.  I sat there for a while hoping it would go away.  But it would get stronger and more frequently.  So, I called the surgeon's exchange hoping to speak to a nurse.  However, the surgeon called me back!  Side Note:  Dr. Mario Morales is the greatest!  He is so patient and thorough and I really felt he was genuinely concerned when he called.  I was surprised at that.  But I told him what I was experiencing and he said. . .for one. . .I shouldn't be eating fish at this point.  I'm 3 weeks post op (today).  The scrambled eggs were ok. . .but not the fish.  He believes I either ate too much of it or ate it too quickly and that it was too much for my pouch.  That's exactly what it felt like. . .it felt like my pouch was stretching and compacting trying to push the food through. . .and it hurt SO bad.  I was so afraid that I had somehow 'broken' my pouch and my surgery would be for naught!!  But he said not to worry, it won't 'break' that easily.  But for the next week, until my 30 day checkup, he wants me to go back to straight liquids to give it time to rest and recover from that mini-trauma.  So I'm forced to suffer through these protein shakes and liquid protein drinks until my visit with him on June 10th (which is actually 3 days past my 30 day point).

As bad as I felt last night, I don't have a problem with the liquid.  I almost feel like I never want to eat again . . .the pain was that intense.

I'm still technically in Phase II - post op.  My surgery was 05/07/2014.  I'm trying really hard to get the daily requirement of protein and water.  It's SUPER hard to get that protein because so many of the protein drinks taste like sweat. . .and the protein shakes taste like wet cotton.  I hate them all!!  SO, I've been trying to get my protein through the scrambled eggs and broiled fish.  Mushed mushed and more mushed. . .NOT pureed cause I can't stand the thought of that.  I also had grilled chicken breast and chicken thigh.  Really tender and I make sure they are moist.  But since I don't have a kitchen scale, I don't know the exact number of ounces.  I just guestimate.  Since my scale stopped moving and I'm not even a month out, I don't think I'm getting enough.

Is this normal??  Any suggestions or anything else I can do to get the protein in?

It's been a while since I've been on.  So. . .here I go from the beginning.

Surgery date was Wednesday, May 7th.  My original surgery time was scheduled to arrive at the hospital at 10am.  Surgery at 11:30.  Me being the eager beaver I am, I arrived at about 9:30.  Surgery time moved to about noon.  So . I got all changed in to the beautiful hospital gown, did the weigh in and vitals, got the IV drip and hopped in bed to wait.  I sat there with my husband and my daughter.  They snacked on hospital waiting room snacks. . .while I sat and watched reruns of Law and Order.

My Numbers: 

PRE Surgery weight (also highest weight ever) 246  Surgery Weight:  240 - didn't really follow the pre-op diet. . .I didn't go crazy, but wasn't totally liquid.

Finally they came to wheel me away. . .I had been given a mild sedative. . .but it totally zonked me.  I had just enough consciousness to kiss my husband and kids as they wheeled me away.  The next thing I remember is waking up to an orderly (or the transporter person ???  ). . .yelling in my face, calling my name.  I woke up totally out of my mind. . .I was bawling and dry heaving like CRAZY!  It was actually pretty ridiculous.  The dry heaving lasted I know at least 30 minutes.  I was totally uncomfortable because I was full of gas and the dry heaving made me nervous that I would tear apart my staples.  Finally I decided that I felt better just sitting on the toilet.  Simply because (TMI ALERT). . .every time I dry heaved, I leaked pee.  So. . .I thought it would be better if I just sat on the toilet.  I sat there for about 30 - 45 minutes.  The nurses kept coming in about every 10 minutes to see if I was ready to get up. . .NO!  I still sat and waited for the nausea to subside.

After that I was able to get in bed and relax for a bit.  The nurses kept coming in for vitals and blood sugar check.  WHY on earth did I have to have the blood sugar checks.  I'm not diabetic. . .never have been.  But they came in for that every 6 hours.  The second day, I told them no more sticks!  I wouldn't tolerate another stick.  Because at the same time, they were also doing blood draws.  Too much for me so I declined.

By the next morning, i was a lot better.  I was able to walk around and sip the water.  The dry heaving stopped but I was still really REALLY gassy. . .but nothing passed.  I was just an overwhelming experience.

Dr came in to see me that morning.  Said it would be best if I stayed one more night and go home the next day.  I was already prepared for that.  The next night was pretty much more of the same.  Nurses came in every so often to check my vitals. .. I sipped water and had to pee A LOT! 

I went home the next day. . after 2 nights in the hospital.  I was not uncomfortable at all.  I really didn't feel anything different.  Nothing hurt.  I declined pain meds all while in the hospital until they finally said I needed it for the swelling. . .oh well. . . ok.  I took it a few times.

Got home around 5:30 that day. . .changed clothes and got right in bed.  Slept all evening.  Periodic up and down to pee.  But no pain at all.

My surgery was on Wednesday. .. my 1 week check up was the following Monday. . .not quite 7 days.  But at that weigh in I was 235.  WOW!  Super exciting.

I stayed home for the entire week.  Resting. . .walking. . . sipping. . . But wait. . .Mother's Day was Sunday after surgery.  I hadn't told anyone about my surgery so when we all got together for Mother's Day dinner, I had to eat something so as not to draw attention. I ate a sliver of brisket and a few mashed green beans. . .nobody noticed that I didn't eat a lot. . .but I had to put something on my plate.  When it did come up, I just said I was dieting.

Anyway, I'm already back at work. . .surgery was the 7th. . .today is the 19th and I'm back at work.  Feel 100% fine.  No pain at all. .. eating my mushy foods. . .sipping lots of water. . .trying to push daily vitamins down.  So far, so good. . . no problems or issues just yet.

I had a well-woman exam last week. . .They always weigh you whne you come in.  That was 232  down 14 lbs in 8 days.  WOW!!  I'm not going to do another weigh in until June 10th when I go for my 30 day check up.  BUT, I have been trying on old clothes that didn't fit before. . .now they do. . .WHAT??  this is crazy!  Some days are better than others as far as the protein and the water. . .but every day is a struggle and I'm still trying to get it right.

Thank GOD I'm on this side of the surgery!!!

.

24 hours from right now I will be in surgery!  Last night, I put some things in a bag and did some laundry. .. just started preparing myself.  Now, I'm at work today and reading different posts, as I generally have been doing for the past several months.  And it just hit me. . . I'm having surgery tomorrow. . .life altering surgery.  Am i ready?  What affect will this have on my social life?  on my married life?  Can I handle this. . I'm really emotional right now and I don't have anybody to talk to about it because of the choice I made NOT to tell anyone about this decision.  My husband really explained all his feelings last night. . .not harshly or rude in any way. . .but just stressing that he doesn't think I need it.  We had been out over the weekend and there was a super morbidly obese lady there.  She was clearly at least double my size.  So, he says. . 'I could understand if you were that size, then maybe I could accept this surgery".   He thinks my reasons are all vain and that I don't need surgery to do what I should be able to do on my own.  This is spoken from a man who's NEVER been overweight.  As he's now approaching 50, he could stand to lose about 20 or 30 lbs but for the most part he's ok with his size (me too!).  So. . .I'm on my own.  No turning back now. . .its tomorrow.  I'm excited and ready but I'm hesitant because I want to be a success.  I want to live a smaller, healthier life.  Am I REALLY ready to make these lifestyle changes that success warrants???