RhondaRoo

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I could just cry. I was so emotional yesterday. I had a very difficult time with my 3 year old. She was tired, and in button pushing mode, and I didn't handle it well at all. I was upset, with her, with me, you name it. Could quite put my finger on all of it. I had a dear friend come over and bring her nieces and nephews (I invited them over). When they got there I ordred pizzas to feed the 7 kids (my 2 and her 5) Well, I ended up eating last night. I could cry and cry over this today as I am only 4 days away from surgery. I am so mad at myself. Am I going to sabbatage myself after surgery???? Dear Lord, please help me. I am back on track today and drinking my Stacker2 ProteinWater. 80 cal. 0 fat 0 carb 20 proteins. I am planning on only drinking these and the zero carb Isopure between now and surgery. I got on the scale and I went up 3 lbs in one day. I'm certain its the food I am now carring, but still. Also, TOM is due 3 days after surgery so I am PMSing and water retending. This isn't good, but it shall pass. I'm going to get through today, and then I'll start packing my overnight bag for Thursday morning. I am excited about the surgery, but I am also apprehensive about the pain, complications, etc. Anyway, I guess that's it.

Well, here I post again.  Today is Sunday, March 30.  It really is hitting me this is getting so close.  I almost feel I could cry.  Some of joy that I really feel with all my "ducks lined up" that I will be able to lose weight and reach my childhood dream of being a normal weight.  But right now, I could cry from a flood of other emotions.  I'm scared.  One one time have I spent a night in a hospital with me in the "sick" bed, and that was when I was only 5 or 6.  I scared of the physical pain.  I'm scared should complications occur, and what if . . . . . what about my babies????  My DH is struggling with emotions right now, but he is doing his best to be an "up" emotion supporter.  He keeps saying that this is hard for him.  All his life he was the one who had health issues, and caregiver isn't something he is experienced in yet.  This makes me nervous, but I really don't anticipate me being not somewhat able to do stuff.  I also am pretty good at making preparations, and feel this should alleviate things a bit.  I also have a good support of friends and family who would and could help if asked.  It's the asking and admitting you need help part that doesn't come as easy to us.  It's really "real" to me now that pre-surgery stuff happens in days.  I will meet with my behavior counsellor tomorrow, that's a good thing.  Also, on Thursday, I have my pre-surgery testing--blood and urine work ups, EKG, etc.  One week from Monday is my History and Physical with PCP, and the surgery one week from Thursday.  This is really going to happen!

This is the first time I have kept a blog.  Three weeks from today, I hope to be having my surgery.  Let's see, catch up, okay, thoughts together.  At the end of February, on a spur-of-the-moment decision, I went to my first informational meeting.  It was held near my home.  This is the first place where I heard about RNY, Lap-Band, and the VSG procedures.  Initially, I was considering Lap-Band, as the thought of malabsorbtion is concerning to me personally.  But after hearing about the VSG, I felt this was more for me.  This was confirmed was I started researching the boards, and hearing others experiences.  My husband is supportive of surgery now.  (years ago he wasn't so thrilled with the idea.)  Anyway, on March 2, I attended my first pre-op appointment with Dr. Dirk Rodriquez.  This was an all day event.  So eloquently Dr. Rod explained the necessity for surgery for someone in MO to my hubby.  In fact, when we left, DH said he never considered my weight to be a health issue in that degree.  I checked into our insurance and it will not cover VSG at all, so we are going self-pay with this thing, baby.  In some ways that's not so good (ouch-my wallet hurts); but in other ways, it's working for me.  Self-pay doesn't require the wait time that insurance requires, so you can be scheduled for surgery 2-4 weeks; depending upon how quickly all pre-op testing can be scheduled.  The first appointment I could get for the psych eval is for today, March 20th.  Let me be so honest with you, I am nervous about this.  I guess I feel that if anything will prevent me from having the surgery, this is the only thing that could.  Now, I have been told by my counsellor that I don't have anything to worry about, but I guess there is that doubt in the back of my mind.  Tomorrow, I will have the endoscopy done, should have the results of today's eval back, will sign the informed consent for surgery contract, and pay for the surgery.  I will have my History and Physical with my PCP on April 7th, and then surgery on April 10th.  So close, it's hard to believe.  I will begin on the pre-op diet early (self-imposed), as I will begin the day after Easter.  My surgeon requires it 10 days prior, so I'll have one extra week in there.  I figure it can't hurt anything!!!  I have opted in not telling many people.  I'm leaving that on a "need to know, right to know" basis.  We have two small children, and I help lined up all over the place.  I have a true Joy Angel in my life, and I really don't know where I'd be without her.  I also have wonderful support in my "surrogate" mother.  My friend will spend the night the night before surgery, and then take my kids to a neighbor's house for the day.  My neighbor, not privy to my event, will get my son on and off the bus for school, and watch my little one until my friend picks them back up after work.  She will take them back to our house, and spend the night with the children.  She was able to take a paid vacation day on Friday, so she will watch the kiddos.  Providing all goes well with the surgery, I should be home by Friday evening.  My friend doesn't work on Saturdays, and will spend the night again to help me care for my family.  My DH parents (not telling them about surgery) will pick up the kids sometime on Saturday and keep them until Sunday.  I'm thinking that after church, my DH will drive out and pick up the kids to bring them home.  Hopefully, after that, I will have what it takes to chase the kids the following week.  Anyway, that's my plan.