5 weeks to go and worry is setting in

Sep 14, 2010

I'm getting so excited, but sssooooooooooooooooooo impatient.  I received my passport, I have my airline tickets, my deposit has been paid and my financing is in order.  I've read and re-read my surgery instructions, postop diet and preop liquid diet.  Hopefully I will have it all memorized and will be able to stick to it so I don't have to worry about leaks.  I told my son I was going to Mexico to have my surgery done and he is more than a little worried.  He told his girlfriend and she thinks I'm crazy.  I've tried to assure him that I've done my research, and I'm an RN for crying out loud.  I've asked him to pray for me and for my surgeon and he kind of rolls his eyes because he doesn't do that.  I think deep down he will pray for me. 

As for me, along with my excitement and impatience, I'm starting to get a little nervous.  What if something does go wrong?  I still haven't told my husband that I have made all of my plans.  What if I have complications and die?  I believe in God and I know ultimately He makes the final decision, but I'd really like to have more time with my family you know?  Is this for vanity or for health reasons?  Here I go back to my teenage years worrying about what people will think when ultimately it doesn't matter.  What matters is that I'm alive to see my son get married and have my grandchildren.   What if......   Please pray for me.

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