WOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

I stayed away for a while - almost deleted my account - but not anymore.

I didn't have WLS, and I'm not going to have it.  Being 90 pounds removed since my high weight in February - my BMI is too low anyway.

Well, because of that, I was made to feel that I didn't belong - didn't go through the "rite of passage," so to speak.  That, heaven forbid... I was one of those Weight Watchers!

Well - screw that nonsense!  I've lost 90 pounds in 23 weeks, and I'm DAMN PROUD OF IT!

Just like I'm proud of ANYONE with the guts to take control of their obesity by any means necessary.

My best friend had her LapBand a year ago, do I think any less of her?  HELL NO!  She's AWESOME!!!

There's a lot of great supportive people here that I've met - that's who I'm going to focus on.

Those of you that think non-ops don't belong here... go pound sand.  Like it or not, I'm here to stay.

Holee Carp!  Another 5.2# loss this week, 52.8 pounds - in 12 weeks!

And a big goal goes by the wayside...

The reward - a new pair of running shoes - for the whole family!

Now, on to Twoville - they better get the door ready - because I'm coming in!

The free-fall continues...  Since I started WW in February, I'm quickly approaching 50 pounds lost, with an average loss rate of almost 4 pounds a week.   I think I can attribute some of it to the lack of steroids in my system - I got off of the steroid asthma inhalers at the time I started.

I've also been walking for the past couple of months.  My son swims 4 nights a week, so instead of just sitting around watching him - I'll walk instead.  That's coming along well - many of my walks are in the 2-3 mile range, and I did my first 5k with some friends yesterday.  We finished dead last - but who cares - we finished!  And..... we're signing up for another one next month.  Finishing last will not be an option...

Anyway, at these races with all the little skinny people - I'll be there soon...... - the largest size shirt they have is 2XL.  Some incentive for the obese to walk these things, when you can't wear the shirt after the race.  Well, that's my issue with it...

Until yesterday, that is....  

Finally, as of this last weigh-in... I'm no longer MO.  The BMI finally dropped under 40!

And the hits just keep on coming...

No clever quote this time... Just a major milestone on the way back to ridding myself of the excess baggage.

The next 10% (from here) is 290.  I probably won't get there in 9 weeks this time, but I'm looking forward to getting there.  Once I hit this next milestone, I'll start considering getting this damned hernia repaired.

“When you temporarily run aground, remember that there are no failures in life. There are only results." - Anthony Robbins

It's been a while... Let's catch up.  Since June, I've......

1. Gained it all back.  Thirty-something blankity-blank pounds.
2. Lost it all again.  At least to where I was in June.
3. Bunch of other crap.

MS really threw me a mental curveball.  I wasn't prepared for how it can mess with your mind and demoralize you.  Needless to say, I lost my motivation for a while.  The will to live was gone.  Not suicidal - just the desire for happiness - the resolve to sit on the couch and be a spectator in life.

I don't know what it was that snapped me out of it.  Wait.  That's not true.  I know exactly when I turned the corner.  Mid-January.  Taking out the trash.  Once I realized that I just took a 25# bag of trash and tossed it in the can (we have those huge mini-dumpster 96gal things) left-handed, it hit me.  There's no way I should have been able to do that - omg... I just flexed my left arm... just a little.  The relapse - one year later - was finally subsiding.  I can't express just how that feels.  Part relieved: I'm finally on the upswing - part pissed for the self-pity and letting myself go.

I knew I gained weight back - didn't know until I got on the scale.  All the weight I lost last year - back (plus 1).

Now, for the record.  I didn't get my surgery done.  Both of my neuros had reservations about getting the RNY due to the meds I take and how it would interact with malabsorption.  I never considered getting the lap-band - I don't think that would have worked for me.

Thinking about it - that was another major motivation-killer.  All I had to do was set a date sometime in 2008.  I had my approval in hand - and I hit my out-of-pocket max for the year.  Had I gone through with WLS, it would have been gratis.  It was the ideal situation - but I couldn't pull the trigger.

Now, here I am.  Finally feeling a little better.  Not as fatigued.  Heaviest weight.  Ever.  Gotta do something.

So, I starting thinking about losing weight again.  Surgery - not an option, can't swing the cost right now - gotta save up for the MRI in the summer.  By year's end, I'll hit my out-of-pocket max again (MS is a very expensive disease), so I can have WLS at the end of the year.  I thought ,"In the meantime, why not give something like Weight Watchers a shot - it's always good to have some documented attempts anyway."

The next day, Mrs. Lobsta tells me, "I've been thinking about doing Weight Watchers, why don't we try it?"  Now, this Lobsta knows a hint when he sees it.  Color me convinced - I'll give it an honest shot.  If it doesn't go for me, then I'll go under the knife at the end of the year.

So, here we are - almost 2 months later.  All the damage done over the last 8 months - all 30 pounds of it - just water under the bridge.

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” - Mark Twain

 I have finally met with the three surgeons that I was interested in.  Deciding on a doc was difficult to make, as all of the docs were well qualified and highly regarded.  It really came down to their seminars, support groups, programs, medical & office staff, hospitals, pre-op tests, evaluations, questions and the overall convenience of the process.  It took three months for me to decide, and I'm glad I took the time.

Since I went into this process not knowing much about bariatric surgery, It took me a while to decide on having a RNY.  It's not very appealing to have my insides rearranged, but I'm also not too keen on having devices put in my body over a long term.  Such are the consequences of not taking better care of myself.  Perhaps it's best to have a procedure that "encourages" more effective eating habits.

As long as the decision process was, the approval process wasn't.  The doc's staff said they could get my approval quickly - and they were right.  It took all of one day to get the green light.

I sure could use the help.  Someone pulled the wagon out from under me lately.  Some of it had to do with vacation.  Not so much the vacation itself, because I didn't eat bad while I was away.  I've had the most trouble reorganizing my eating schedule since returning.  In a couple of weeks, I'll be gone for another week - life won't be back to normal for almost another month.  This is the time I really need to step up my motivation.

Another thing that doesn't help - birthday cake!  Ditto for the ice cream.  Sam just turned 9 a few days ago, and I'm paying the price!

Well, the duckies are all lining up and it's now time to make a decision of when to have my surgery.  Not if.... not who.... not what.... not even why.

When...  I like that.

"You know the day destroys the night - Night divides the day.  Tried to run, Tried to hide - Break on through to the other side" - The Doors

Not me....  not yet!

My Wife and I are in Mandevile, LA for a few days - our bestest friend (Y'all know and love her as Vampi) is getting banded on Tuesday.  It's a long time coming for her and she's really looking forward to taking a seat on the Losers Bench.

Right now, however.... she's tired, hurting, hungry and nervous - a real rough weekend, to say the least.  It's also not helping that she feels that she's not getting the support from whom she needs it most.

It's going to be a tough next few weeks during the surgery and recovery process...  It's during these times that friends need to step up for each other.  Hopefully, we get through this without having the guys in the white coats take us away...

“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.” - Mark Twain

Mom, I want to put some of your fears to rest.  You're concerned about my looking into surgery to assist me in my weight loss.  You wonder if I'm doing the right thing and thinking it through completely.

Of course, you have every right to your concerns - You're my mom.  You (and Dad) picked me up as a baby, brought me into your home and raised me as your own.  It wasn't easy - I didn't make it easier sometimes - but you did a damn fine job.

I know I've lost 30 pounds already.  It's taken me 6 months to do so - already the longest length of time I've spent in a weight loss effort.  How many times in the past have I lost 30 pounds, simply to gain 50 pounds back?  At my current rate of loss, I'd have to keep this up for another 18 months to finally reach my goal weight.

It's not like I don't have the willpower to do it.  I used to smoke like a chimney - quit cold turkey.  I used to drink like a fish - not anymore.  A 6-pack in the fridge will last for months.  Believe me, I have the willpower to face my vices and correct them.

Eating, however, is different.  I can't quit that.  Moreover, my body - be it metabolism, genetics, or medication - resists weight loss at every attempt.  Only occasionally do I ever eat too much at a meal.  I make sure I get the proper nutrients every day, whether it is from food, vitamins or supplements.  You can be assured that I'm doing all that I can to make myself healthier.  I'm realizing, however, that I need help that I, my family and my friends cannot provide.

This is why the surgery becomes such a viable option.  It's not a "magic bullet" that makes the weight simply disappear.  It's a tool to help my body become more efficient in losing weight. 

For me, it's the option of last resort.  I know the risks and the complications.  I also know what will happen if I don't take action now.  I want to live a long, healthy and happy life - and be as active as my body will now let me.  The sooner I get to a healthy weight, the better quality of life I will have.  A surgical option has to be readily available to me should I ultimately make that decision.

Mom, you'll need to have faith that I will do what is best for my family and myself.  I'm not the kid that can't provide for himself or make sound decisions.  I'm the man whose family needs him, and can count on him. 

Right now, surgery is probably the one last chance I will have to turn my health around.  I won't go through with this until I feel that it is definitely the last chance.  That, I'll promise you - and everyone else.  I feel I'm 80-90 percent convinced, but until I'm 100 percent convinced - I won't go under the knife.

When it comes to last chances - I've got a pretty good track record.  I remember about 11 years ago, when someone gave me one last chance at an education and a career.  I got so much more. 

Thanks, Mom.

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”

Finally!  Wednesday was the first of the doc appointments for Lynn and me.  For some reason, my MS was really acting up this day.  I could barely walk, left arm was all but useless, my head was in a fog and my face was all droopy.

Miserable.  For the first time, I felt handicapped.  A few times Lynn had to practically hold me up.  I don't know why I was in such a bad way, perhaps not enough sleep.  Who knows.

First part of the appointment - boring movie for half an hour.  I was already in a fog... it got worse.

I liked speaking with the dietitian and Doc (for now, we'll call dietitian Ms. D and Doc Dr. C).  Got some good insights about RNY diet tips from Ms. D, and she seemed to like my current meal planning.  Neither Lynn or I were ordered to lose extra weight while pre-op (but I will anyway!), so that was cool.

I still have two other docs to check out, but I would be quite cool with Dr. C doing my surgery.  We saw eye-to-eye on my procedure, took time to go over the gory details, and had a brilliant strategy on dealing with my hernia.  I was also impressed with Dr. C being willing to further research how MS patients do with WLS.  Anytime a doc admits they don't know something to a patient, it just impresses the heck out of me.  Can't stand know-it-alls - they drive me nuts.

Anyway, Wednesday sucked - stayed home the rest of the day and zonked.

Weighed in on Friday... and the scale said......

324.8!!!  srsly.... no kidding.  I'm now down 30# since January.  Haven't lost this kind of poundage in years, and I'm now under Pre-Katrina weight.  WooHOOOOT!!!11!1!

Also on Friday, I had a first in my marriage.  For the first time, my wife turned the tables and penetrated me....

With a needle, you people with the dirty minds!  LOL!!! 

I had my first injection of MS medication, and Lynn was more than happy to stick it to me.  Anyway, I didn't feel a thing.  Ain't that something, a 1.25 inch long needle in my leg... Nothing. Nada... Not even a sting.  $460 of meds in my leg.  Fortunately, only $25 of that came out of my pocket.  Thank goodness.

Well, now that I'm all weighed in, and I'm on my MS meds, it's time to kick my efforts into high gear.  Yep.  IT'S ON NOW!!!

Until Later... Take Care!
Mike