Ronna

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 took a very courageous step that saved my life and changed it forever. Today is my two year Surgaversary!

I can't believe how far I've come:

My life is so different than it was at this time 2 years ago. I am working for the first time in almost 5 years! I can get up out of a chair without assistance, I can walk, I can take a shower without having to sit down, I can put on socks, I can go to the movies.....in other words, I can live again.

I am so thankful to my surgeon and his wonderful team and all the people who have been supporting me and being my cheerleader during this amazing journey.

Pre-Op Weight - 327
Current Weight - 190
Goal Weight - 175

It's been more than 2 months since I've had a chance to update my profile.  I have been extremly busy going on interviews, sending out resumes.  

It was a very frustrating and stressful year.  But things finally worked out and as of January 2nd I will be going back to work.  I will be the Human Resource Manager for a local home improvement company and can't be more pleased.

January 3rd will be my second anniversary of being a post-op.  What a difference 2 years have made and I can happily say all for the better.

I had pretty much written myself off and had resigned myself to the notion that I wouldn't be long for this world and now look at me!!!!!

I can't begin to sing it from the roof tops, WLS saved my life.

I Just Want to Crawl Into Bed and Hide
Well I finally got word. I didn't get that job that I wanted to bad. I just feel awful. It's been along time since I wanted something so badly and compared to this, the other jobs I've been looking at look like shi%

I just want to crawl under the bed and hide from the world

Anybody got a job out there?

Still in the midst of my job search. I think I may have found the perfect job for me.

I have had 4 interviews, the final with the CEO.

Now I am waiting - and not very well thank you - to hear what they decide.

This job couldn't be more perfect for me if I created it myself.

Now if they would only call and end my agony.

Cross your fingers everyone! I can barely breathe.

When I was in College I had a best friend.  We did everything together.  We even went all the way to live on an Israeli Kibbutz together.

After university I went back to the Kibbutz.  And several months later my good friend also returned.  Boy I had missed her and it was great to have her back.  We were like sisters, we shared everything.

Then something happened.  For the life of me I don't remember what.  But we grew apart and just stopped being friends.

The last time I saw or talked to her was at a parting in October, 1974.  Yes that's right 1974.

Fast forward to recent times.  I was at a party a few weeks back and a mutual friend of our (Deet) asked if I every say or talked to Cathy (my good buddy).  I told her that the last time I did it was at her house (Deet's) back on 1974.  

Anyway, Deet , who by the way was my surrogate older sister, gave me an assignment to try and find Cathy. And thanks to the internet I did.

I sent her an email and she replied back the next day.  Then we talked on the phone for about an hour and today we had lunch together and then she came back to my house to look at pictures and just to catch up.

How funny that she would be living so close by and we didn't know.

Anyway it was so good to see her.  I still don't remember what happened all those years ago.  Maybe next time we get together I'll bring it up and see if she remembers.

Yes that’s me.  Food Addict coming clean.  I guess it took awhile to really understand what was going on here. The problem I think is that ever since surgery I have never experienced hunger.  That’s right, no hunger pangs at all.

 

Before surgery, I was instructed by the nutritionist to eat when I’m hungry and to stop when I’m not hungry anymore. Well that sounded all well and good but I am never hungry.  And not eating is not an option for me as I have to watch my blood-sugar levels as I take insulin shots daily.

 

So for me it seems to be an issue of appetite versus hunger. Even though I am never hungry, boy do I have an appetite.  I can eat and eat and eat, even after WLS.  And I don’t want to stop when I don’t feel hungry anymore; heck I’m not hungry to begin with.  I want to eat until I feel full.

 

The problem with eating until I feel full, besides getting just too many calories is ……..I then feel just awful and usually vomit.  But still this is what I do time and time again. I just keep the wastebasket nearby, just in case.  As an example, last night I had a very nice dinner, about 3 oz of grilled chicken breast and ½ cup of steamed broccoli.  I wasn’t at all hungry when I started dinner and especially not when I finished.  But I wanted more.  So I proceeded to eat about 4 cups of watermelon (a whole bowl full).  It’s full of water and went down really easy.  Boy was I full when I was done and sure enough……I lost my dinner.

 

Why do I do this to myself time after time?  That is the question.  Now it’s not a daily occurrence but does happen at least twice a week.  It never happens when I am dining with others just when I am on my own.  Maybe that’s the issue, I really don’t know.  I only know that I want to feel full and keep eating until I can’t anymore.

 

Maybe I need to take my own advice and start seeing a therapist again?  I need to do something.  I am eating too much and I know that I will never loose these last 20 pounds until I get control of this.

 

Are any of you doing this or something similar? Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

I haven't been around much lately and I apologize for that. Have been pretty busy with my "job search" but this is about the most frustrating project I've even undertaken aside from getting approved for WLS

Anyway, for the past couple of months I have been spending hours everyday scouring the job boards, talking with recruiters and finally, finally going on some interviews. But so far nothing.

It is so hard getting past the fact that I haven't worked in 4 years - even though I have over 15 years of experience in my field and a really great background, that seems to be the stumbling block - that and my salary. Sure I can get a job if I want to cut my expectations in half - but that would be selling myself short and I am worth more than that.

But I am so frustrated and depressed, I want to tear my hair out of my head. I've been trying to stay active, literally walking it off (at least my doggie is happy with all the extra activity), but I find myself reaching for the wrong foods many times and I know that it's out of this frustration. This is playing havoc with my blood sugar too as I am very sensitive to carbs and that's what I always want, eg. pretzels or sesame sticks.

Luckily I haven't gained any weight but I have stayed relatively stable for the past 2 months fluctuating between 192 and 195. That's not bad but I would like to get down to 185 before I see my surgeon again in October.

So that's my story my friends. I will try and be around more often. I know that it will be helpful to me as well.

I finally have a job interview!  I've been sending out resume's and talking to recruiters for about 2 months now and tomorrow afternoon I have my first real interview - with an actual company that is.

The job sound right up my alley - HR Manager for a brand new office opening this fall right in the same town where I live.

So everyone cross your fingers and send all your good vibes my way.

I am trying not to get too excited so I'm not too disappointed.  I haven't worked in almost 4 years and that will be a major hurddel to jump over.

Just hope I can get a good night sleep tonight.  It may be a night for Nyquil - LOL.

Colored my hair that is.  I took out the gray and it came out way too dark and I absolutely hated it.  So today I went back and they added some highlights and it's not half bad...in fact it's growing on me.

Let's see if I can post a picture here:
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b28/ronna18/IMGP0021.jpg

At 5:30 tomorrow morning the limo will pick me up to take me to the airport

I am so looking foward to seeing the Houston Gang on Sunday and then on Monday I leave Galveston for a cruise to Mexico I am so looking foward to the warmer weather and maybe being able to swim a little.

When we return from the cruise, my sister and I will be driving to San Antonio to spend a couple of days touring the Alamo and shopping on the Riverwalk

I don't get back until Easter so I want to wish everyone a Happy and healthy Easter Holiday and for RobinNJ and Valerie Smith a good Pesach!

Be well everyone and I'll check in when I get home.

Sending hugs to all

Ronna