Rosettagrace

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 It's kind of funny in a sad way how I take for granted the tools/steps/people that helped me get where I am and was since 2008. At my lowest weight, I thought I was invincible. I felt free, powerful yet light as a feather. I could slip in a size 6 or 8 or 10 and still had a little wiggle room. I could almost fit my grand daughters tee shirts.

Arrogant! I forgot the work. I forgot the steps. I forgot I was fat. Not only on the outside, on the inside. In my head. I am not like everyone else. I can't eat what I want and sit there. My body takes work and effort. No easy life for me. My metabolism doesn't work like that. If I stay still for too long here it comes. Like a shotgun blast to the face. But it lands on my stomach and hips and thighs.

Those cute little bra and panties, NOPE! Those tiny little jeans I bought last year, NOPE! My closet is filled with clothes that fit like they belong to someone else. Someone slim and pretty and fashionable. These are mine.

I look in the mirror and I am horrified by this bloated giggly mess. What happened? Who is this fat ass woman in the mirror. This is me.....

It's time to go back to the beginning of the first journey here however I don't know the way back. I need help. God help me!

I, like many of us have not been on OH in quite some time. I hope that everyone is doing well and achieving the success we all strive for. I think i have gone as far as I can go. I have begun gaining weight. I dont know what to do anymore. I am asking for advice and guidance please. i have gained nearly 8 pounds in less than 2 months. I write down everything in a journal and i work out. I am always hungry. what do I do?

I am hungry all the time! WTH??? Has something come loose? LOL!

Personal message

Date Sent:	December 23, 2009 - 1:11pm
To:	ObesityHelp family
Subject:	Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Pleasant KWANZAA and Peaceful Chanukkah!
I haven't posted anything in quite a while however I have been living my life like its Golden as we all do after the transition (surgery). I feel great although I did hurt my back again trying to lift weights. Everything is NOT for everybody believe THAT! I have learned and relearned so many things this year and the real and true came to light to me about friends and family, what I want out of life and exactly where my priorities are and should be. This change is NOT just physical. It is almost totally mental and emotional. I still fall but I get up. I slip and slide sometime and then I dust myself off and pat ME on the back and say its ok now keep it moving. I crawled, I walk, I run, I reach, I fly. I am a new thing. A better thing. I am me. I am free. I praise the Divine because I survive a life time of pain, abuse of all kind as a result of and because of and self inflicted upon. NO MORE. I am free. In my mind a have looked down and I have seen the old me. OH NO! Is that, Was that me?? I thought I was all that and I was but I am all that now and so much more..... Photos forthcoming and I am BAD AS HELL! Yeah she said it JUS LIKE DAT!

Good day to all and specially to you Kerbi. You look totally incredible and I am so proud of you. I am currently at a weight of 168 pounds and I wear a size 12 and some 10's. Listen, I wanted to express that although I have lost almost as much weight as my doctor had intended I would have been happy at a size 16 or 14. I had been working out 3 times a week in the work out room at my apt and at home and walking about 5 times during the week. I hurt my back. Now I am going to physical therapy. I had been so afraid of not losing and stalling I went overboard and hurt my silly self. had to slow it down a bit. Other than that all is well in the small of town of Southfield. Oh yea! My job is transferring me from downtown Detroit to the Southfield location. I just figured out that I am crazy. I was so unhappy about that. Hmmm? less miles, less gas, closer to home, winter is almost here? God is so good and usually things happen for the best. Pictures soon to come.

I went to the Meet and Greet last night and I met the nicest group of people. I was kind of nervous but they were so warm and friendly it felt like people I have known for years. I am now very contented with who I am and how I look. It is a everyday work in progress and if I didn't lose another pound I would be OK. I am so very blessed. I was told that I will need to be transferred to Southfield for my job and I went crazy for a minute until I remembered OH YEAH! I still have a job. God is good all the time even when we are crazy for a minute. I finally got a reasonable, reliable car so if anyone has an event and need somebody to be the life of the party, I'm available...LOL!!!

Went to my almost one year follow up with Dr. Woods. 128 pounds loss since JUNE 2008! I don't have anyone else to tell that won't say something to make me feel weird so I'm telling it here.

It's kind of funny that whether or not we may want to admit that we become a totally new and different creation after we have experienced substantial weight loss. I used to think that I would be exactly the same after....that's just not possible. Not only have people begun treating and looking at me differently, family, friends, co-workers even strangers but I am treating myself differently. It's almost as if I care about myself more now than I ever have in my life. It's incredible. I am so careful about what I put in me...lol! How I look everyday. I monitor how I'm feeling when I wake up in the morning and I will not allow anyone to keep me up late at night. I feel like a prize, a treasure. I cherish myself. I walk and exercise and move. I want to feel the air in my lungs and feel my muscles move and flex becoming stronger and tighter. I have observed my skin transform because I eat better and faithfully I take my vitamins and minerals. I drink water. I didn't before. I had no idea what it felt like to really, really care about me. To know ME.
I know this makes me appear stuck up but for the first time in my life I am putting me first. It feels and it is ok.

I have been working out and doing everything I am supposed to and I have GAINED 3 pound WTF! I'm going to calm down for a minute before I really freak. I am not sure if there is anymore I should be doing. I feel confused and betrayed by my own body. The only thing I know for sure is God and my tool (WLS) has been the only thing I could rely on but my greedy self can eat more now than I could 2 months ago. I'm trying not to be depressed and I keep it moving and ultimately I feel that I will be successful but right now I am fighting the specter of failure.

Peace.

Hey party people!

I am doing so lovely. I feel wonderful. I look comfortable. I cannot be happier about my progress. I have not taken any photos lately but as soon as I can, I will. I don't get the opportunity to communicate very often because I have to sneak on when I am at work. I really miss going on the forum and I hope I get to see some of you in Michigan soon. My birthday was last Wednesday, January 21. I have to say that I look better now than I ever have in my life. I hope you all are doing well and talk to you soon.

Peace.