rstone115
Fear of Failure - I Don't Think So!
Oct 12, 2010
I’ve tried my entire life to lose weight and be a normal size and each and every countless time I’ve failed. I’ve had moments of success that were swiftly met with crushing failures, i.e. losing a bunch of weight and thinking that I had finally won the battle only to be faced with defeat some months later when I had regained all the weight that I’d lost, plus more, because I let my guard down while I was in my moment of glory and confident in my success. So, ultimately, failure is all I’ve known when it comes to the subject of permanent weight loss and rather than a fear of failure I have developed an expectation of failure because that is what I’ve learned to be true from my experiences.
I’ve never been normal weight before so why should I expect it now? Well, because this is a whole new game, that’s why. I’m having my digestive system rewired and my stomach reduced to the size of a thumb. I read something the other day that stated that some people’s stomachs are able to hold up to 16 cups of food and I’m pretty sure I’m one of those people. I immediately pictured my big 4-cup Pyrex measuring cup that I sometimes use when I’m cooking and in my mind I lined up four of those bad-boys filled with food, it’s pretty shocking if you think about it. But, with a new game comes new rules.
I know that even with surgery I cannot expect to give up the battle, but now, I’ll have the big guns on my side. This is going to require a brand new perspective and that is going to be the key to my success this time. I know I have the discipline to be successful, I mean after all I’ve lost hundreds of pounds throughout my life, I know some diet books by heart, and If you laid out a portion of food in front of me, with one glance, I could tell you how many ounces it weighed and how many calories there were in it. I’ve gone Vegan, done fasting and had colonics. I’ve taught myself to love exercise and have faithfully made payments to one gym or another for ten years and actually went in and used the facilities and still do 4 or 5 days a week.
So, I have to ask myself, why am I still fat? Because, obesity is a disease that I’ve had since I was about 8 years old and more realistically one that I was born with. It has no cure. It’s something that I will have to deal with until the day that I die. There is no viable temporary solution to the problem and I use the words “temporary” and “problem” purposefully because it is a problem when you can’t function and your life is diminished because of your weight and without permanent intervention, failure to heal is inevitable.
Now this is where the new perspective kicks in; THIS IS A TOOL! I’ve heard those words so many times in my journey to educate myself on WLS and now they finally make sense. I have a medical condition that requires constant and diligent treatment. Just as someone with type-one diabetes requires insulin for the rest of their life and must test their blood and maintain blood sugar levels every day without fail or face certain death and just as a paraplegic person uses a wheel-chair to get from one place to another and can’t decide to “cheat” one day for the fun of it, or, consider also the patient with a pacemaker in their heart, they wouldn’t just have it put it in for a little while and then take it out because they were tired of dealing with it. These are all permanent medical conditions that require attention for the rest of the patients’ life.
I am a patient now also. I became a patient when I went to the seminar held at my local hospital and decided that I wanted to seek treatment for my condition. My prognosis is very good and I’m expected to be able to live a full and vibrant life. How lucky is that! The only thing I have to do is follow the rules set out by my Doctor, eat protein foods first, don’t drink with or close to my meals, get some good movement in daily, take my vitamins, and get in 64oz of water, I think I can handle that. There are probably a few things that I will never be able to do again, like eat real sugar birthday cakes at a party or slather a bunch of butter on a hot loaf of sourdough bread while sipping on an oaky, buttery chardonnay, but that’s ok because there are going to be lots of things that I’ll be able to do that I’ve never been able to do before, like go shopping for clothes anywhere I want or ride on a roller coaster with a friend, go for a walk without wanting to die or fly on a plane comfortably. Compared to the “Can Don’ts” (lol) the Can Do’s win hands down, really!
So, armed with my new perspective, new tool and a battle plan, I think I’ll have reason to be optimistic this time around. No fear of failure, no expectation of failure, only a new outlook on a new game with new rules and new tools. I love it!
My heartfelt thanks for reading and my best wishes for everyone’s success.
HUGS, Russell
