well, let's see, where do we start. let's start at the very beginning.
i was the first daughter of my mother and the third daughter of my father. i was a regular sized child up until about the end of first grade. i found out my school was closing, and i was going to be going to a new school to make new friends. or try anyway. i remember when i went into second grade i weighed about 85 pounds. a second grader weighing almost 100 pounds. needless to say, i wasn't very popular and i didn't have a lot of friends. during recess, i mostly sat on the hill by myself thinking and praying and talking to God.
when i was in sixth grade, things at home took a turn for the worst. my parents divorced before the school year was over, and the worst part was that they divorced around my birthday. i was in shock and i started to eat more. i ate whatever i could get my hands on: chips, cookies, candy, etc. then, i found out i had to go to another new school. i was heartbroken and nervous.
i started public school in the 7th grade. i was confused and scared because all the kids knew each other from being in the same classes for all these years. not only that, i was depressed from my parents divorce and the counseling we were going through. even though i was active in sports (basketball, volleyball), i was still gaining weight. during 8th and 9th grade my weight somewhat evened out.
then, in 10th grade, i found out that i was almost 200 pounds. i was devastated. i started weight watchers with my mom. i lost about 20 pounds. then i gained it all back after i found out 2 of my aunts were diagnosed with breast cancer. by the end of highschool, i was wearing an 18/20.
college started a whole new life for me. i thought hopefully things would change with my weight. and at first, they didn't. i got bigger and bigger and when my size 20 started to get tight, i got scared. then, at the beginning of my sophomore year, i had a kidney stone. it was at that point i vowed things were going to change. i watched my calories and started working out like crazy. i lost 50 pounds and slipped past 200 for the first time ever. i was so excited i was wearing my size 14 jeans again and was getting close to my size 12!
then, my pap was diagnosed with lung cancer and one of my aunts with breast cancer had a relapse. i also got into a really bad relationship. it was emotionally and mentally abusive, and he forced me to eat so he could control me when i got bigger again and lost my self esteem. finally, after almost being hospitalized for depression and anxiety, i knew the relationship had to end. it took a while to end it, but i finally gathered the courage and told him i never wanted to see him again.
finally, i met my fiance. i was about a size 18 when we got together. he was so happy and supportive with everything. we moved in together, and i started gaining weight again because i was so happy. things seemed to be going well, until he lost his job. we couldn't afford much of anything, let alone to eat very much. i started losing weight again, and could fit into my size 18 jeans again. then he finally got a job, and life was good again. until...
april 8th, 2008. i'll remember that day forever. the lung cancer finally won after my pap fought it tooth and nail. suprisingly, instead of gaining weight, i lost weight. i lost approximately 10 pounds that week trying to care for him. my thoughts were solely on him and his care so much that i forgot about myself. i came back home, to reality, and was still upset. summer came, and i started putting on more weight. i tried my best to eat healthy because i was supposed to get married that october. we had a great summer with my family and friends. he went to pittsburgh and met "pinhead" doug bradley. i went home and saw my new baby cousin. we went back to pittsburgh in august with my dad and went to the carnegie science center and a pirates game, complete with fireworks and a reo speedwagon concert. i had my bridal showers and bachelorette party. then, things started to get bad again...
september came and frank lost his job again because the company was going under. then, i was in a car accident that herniated a disc in my back. my wedding was postponed from the car accident. my aunt died of cancer in november, a week before thanksgiving. i slipped into a depression and started gaining weight again. then, in january 2009, i woke up unable to walk. i found out i had a syndrome in my knee that caused it not to track correctly. now, i was unable to work and unable to be independent. i started gaining weight, again. finally, the orthopedic surgeon told me that he couldn't fix my knee until i lost 100 pounds. he referred me to dr. nease...
some days are better than others, but i try to hold my head high. i am working my way to get gastric banding surgery, and i can't wait to better my life. :)