sharp_woman
I was always the thin kid growing up. Interestingly enough, I didn’t like being thin at the time because thin girls develop slower J. Well, at 41 years old and over 250 lbs I can say I whipped the heck out of anorexia.
Like most of us here, I have poured a great deal of effort and money into diets, physician assisted and otherwise. Equally I have spent a great deal of emotional energy beating myself up when I regained the weight plus more. Nonetheless I was always dieting to demonstrate my effort to try to do something about my weight. I have concluded that I am a happy person, I love life and I am making the conscious choice to go through weight loss surgery to insure I am doing everything I can to be comfortable in my skin, to improve my longevity and to thrive in this grand experience called life.
I understand this will be a difficult journey. I understand there will be times of weakness and sickness when I question my choices. All of that is OK. At least I will feel I have done everything I can to change my course and be a better role model for my girls.
This analogies help sooth me… When I was 30 years old I wanted a child more than anything in the world. My daughter’s father and I had tried for about 3 years. I wasn’t eager to be pregnant (much like I am not eager to have weight loss surgery); I was eager to raise a child. I was willing to accept I may one day have to stop trying, but that would have only been after I had tried every physical and legal avenue to have a child. We even hired an adoption attorney. After my 3rd miscarriage, we had our beautiful ball of sunshine. Never once have I regretted how hard we tried. All of us who have children know it is not all a great experience (much like developing a new relationship with food), but overall it is amazing and certainly worth the choice to get it right. As simple as it seems, I consider my issues with my weight and my choice to do something about it similar.
As a teenager, I would not let being poor and living with my boyfriend stop me from achieving my dreams of going to college. I came from a family of 6 children with parents who worked hard. I went to school on grants and loans, working full time, not only to finish a chemical engineering degree but to complete my MBA at Duke. So, all of that said, I am a fighter. If I proceed in the footsteps of a long blood line of unhealthy, heavy women who I love dearly, I will know I went down fighting. That is my choice. The choice for me is not so much about the surgery as it is to make the most of living life.
I would like to share my life mission with you in hopes we can gain strength and encouragement from each another. I welcome new friends since I know no one who has had the surgery. I am sure my husband is tired of hearing me talk about it.
My Life Mission…
I wake EARLY….happy every morning, smiling, presenting myself positively. I am here to thrive, prosper and live this grand experience called life, enjoying it with towering joy.
Each day I embrace a life of love, self-worth and longevity by shining my inner light, feeling comfortable in my skin, being happy, reflecting my love for God, realizing my "oneness" with everything, always feeling my desires into being and never compromising my core.
I will let my spirit soar in my current chosen endeavor, serving as a role model without artifice, exercising my intelligence without excessive assertiveness, being kind, without excessive sentimentality, remembering to laugh/have fun without frivolousness.
Serveant leadership and inspiring rather than awing is the grandest version of what makes my heart sing. I will make time for this passion!
I will cherish my relationships with my children, listening to see the world through their eyes, asking them to be true to what is on the inside. I will show them the affection and love that is in my heart and exercise patients as a means to their self-achievement. I will provide the foundational feelings of security and unconditional love that will afford them the opportunity to soar. I will coach them toward the independence they deserve, guiding them toward their own internal light. I will coach/guide them in a manner that always leaves her precious self-worth fully in tact.
I will foster and prioritize soulful friendships with people who have the same vigor for life. I will provide a loving, bright and happy home to welcome friends and family.
I will be my own anchor, depending on myself for happiness. I will fully embrace my partnership with my husband as my life-mate and best friend, choosing to see the good in most all situations. I will show enthusiasm, happiness and forgiveness. I will love him for where he is in his learning process in accordance with his choices, needs and timing. I will assert myself and my right to be treated well in a way that always leaves his ego, self-esteem and sense of well-being in tact. I will hold myself accountable for being my own person, working on my own issues/growth and not overburdening him for his comfort. I will hold him accountable for his own happiness and growth.
I will conduct my relationship with my daughter’s father in a cordial, compassionate fashion, removing my emotional intensity, saying no when needed, maintaining low personal exposure, always negotiating for what is in my daughter’s best interest, only discussing things that are within my sphere of influence.
