Stephanie Smiles

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Stats

Height: 5ft. 7 ½ in.

Starting Weight: 350 lbs.

Surgery Date Weight: 316 lbs.

Current Weight: 227 lbs.

WLS Weight Goal: 208 lbs. (70% of excess weight)    

Personal Weight Goal: 160 lbs.

Current Size: 18 Women’s

Personal Size Goal: 12 Regular

Current BMI: 35.5

Personal BMI Goal: Normal <24.9

Pounds lost since surgery: 88.5 lbs.

Total Pounds Lost: 122.5 lbs.

Total Inches Lost: 46.75

Nine Months Post-Op
It’s amazing to me that nine months have passed since surgery. Time certainly marches on! I lost 5.5 pounds in the last month, 2 inches and .9 BMI points. Not great results as far as I’m concerned. But I suppose that is to be expected. The weight loss will get slower, and has. I knew that from the beginning. With so much weight to lose still, the pace of my weight loss is not the easiest thing to swallow!

The best thing that happened this month? I can finally say that I am wearing size 18!!! :) I have waited a long time to reach this milestone. It feels great to be out of the sizes that begin with a two. I can wear an extra large or large in tops dependent on the brand. I’ve also lost half of a shoe size. I’d love to lose another size or so in that area. Shopping is so much fun now. And dangerous! It’s very easy to spend, spend, spend on clothes. I’m trying to control myself somewhat. The other thing that fascinates me is that I am wearing belts. I hadn’t realized that it had been so long since I wore a belt. It’s fun!

Not much else to report for this month. Work is nuts and my January and February will have me on the road more than at home! School is going well but I’m wondering if I should be committed for taking two classes! Only two more weeks and I’ll be done with those. Then perhaps I can breathe! I’m looking forward to Christmas. We are attending a couple of holiday parties. I wouldn’t have dreamed of going to them last year. I’m not worried about how I look so much anymore and can go to the parties and enjoy myself. My stepson will be home for Christmas and I can’t wait to hang out with him. It will be wonderful for the three of us to be together for a whole week!

I did well during Thanksgiving. I did not deprive myself and also didn’t overeat. Everything in moderation! I intend to employ the same strategy for Christmas. The gym is going well though I typically only manage to make it there four times per week. I need to work on increasing that over the next few months. I try to take a walk at work during my lunch hour on the days that I don’t make it to the gym but it is getting so cold! As I reflect back to last December, I am astounded at the changes in myself. I am so much more confident now and unafraid of what life holds in store for me next. Some of the changes have been a difficult adjustment and I suspect that I will continue to work on understanding how my smaller body affects me and those around me. I guess I’m still a work in progress!

Merry Christmas!

Stephanie

 

Well, as of this morning, I am finally in the 220's. Yup, it's 229 but still...my weight begins with 22! I'm surprised I've lost two pounds in the past week with Thanksgiving and eating out more than usual. My mother is visiting and we've been out and about all week so I haven't cooked as much or eaten as regularly as I intended. I also haven't been to the gym! Yikes! Tuesday morning I'm getting back into my routine. 

I also bought my first pair of size 18 pants. Well, two pair. One pair fits perfectly the other is still a touch too tight for me to wear in public. I wonder what size I would be without this spare tire of skin hanging around my waist and gut? Maybe a 16? There is always so much room in the butt of my pants but the gut area is tight. Oh well, eventually I can have that tire deflated! I have similar issues with my arms and chest. Without the extra skin, I'm quite sure my clothing sizes would be smaller. I've been on vacation since last Monday and I've worn blue jeans each and every day. I love it!

I think I've procrastinated on the homework long enough. 

Happy Sunday!

Yup. I walked my slowly disappearing behind all over the city of London last week. I walked. And, I walked. And then, I walked some more. London is a beautiful city and I enjoyed the little downtime I had. This was a work trip and those don’t leave me a whole lot of time to sightsee. I saw six venues in two days and walked to each and every one of them. It was a very successful trip.

There are so many aspects of this trip that I am amazed by. I know I mention it a lot, but fitting into an airplane seat is so incredible! I just don’t even think about it anymore. I had plenty of room and didn’t crowd the person next to me. I also wore jeans on the plane! That’s a first for me since I was a teenager. In fact, I’m wearing jeans all the time now. I used to say, as an excuse, that I needed to be professional even on the plane and therefore I would wear a skirt. Really, I just hated how I looked in pants and a skirt was more comfortable. But now, holy cow! Jeans, jeans, jeans!

I think my strongest moment of clarity arrived on Tuesday. My colleague and I had an appointment with an alumna at her home. It was a beautiful London townhouse that has five stories. We met and she fed us lunch. When we entered her living room I immediately noticed all of the gorgeous furniture. It was antique and looked very delicate. My first thought was, “oh no!” I’m going to break anything I sit in!” Then I reminded myself that I no longer weigh 350 pounds. I sat down in a chair and relaxed. I don’t break furniture anymore. I crossed my legs and put the concern out of my head so that I could focus on the task at hand.

I often think about my surgery in terms of what it has taken from me rather than what it has given me. Losing weight has taken away so much stress. It has removed the need to worry about so many things. It has helped to take away my dependence on food. WLS has removed much of the stigma that followed me every time I met someone new. I now am beginning to feel that I am evaluated on what I say rather than how I look. That is very liberating! I am lighter in ways that have nothing to do with the number of pounds I've lost.

This trip was not a perfect trip. I found a couple of old behaviors raising their very ugly heads! I’m not sure why. I think I was just nervous. I was working and traveling with a colleague I don’t know well and in a city I certainly don’t know much about. There is a lot, my reputation mainly, riding on this event that occurs in January and it is important to me to do well. Those silly vitamins also kicked my butt!!! I don’t know why it is so difficult for me to take them when I travel. I just forget! Water intake was also an issue. Cold water is not consumed in the UK like it is here. I managed to find some water bottles and keep them in my hotel room but they weren’t cold which means I didn’t drink as much as I should have. I felt dehydrated by the time I returned home.

I’ll return to London in January and try to do better in these areas. I hope to have more time to actually see a few things!

As they say in the UK…

Cheers!

Stats

Height: 5ft. 7 ½ in.

Starting Weight: 350 lbs.

Surgery Date Weight: 316 lbs.

Current Weight: 233 lbs.

WLS Weight Goal: 208 lbs. (70% of excess weight)    

Personal Weight Goal: 160 lbs.

Current Size: 20 Women’s

Personal Size Goal: 12 Regular

Current BMI: 36.4

Personal BMI Goal: Normal <24.9

Pounds lost since surgery: 83lbs.

Total Pounds Lost: 117 lbs.

Total Inches Lost: 44.75

Eight Months Post-Op
Here we are. 8 months since surgery. I lost 6 pounds last month. I tried desperately to make it to 7 pounds for the month. I even worked out extra on the weekend to try to make that scale move. Alas, it was not to be. I would have liked to maintain 7 pounds a month for a while instead of continuing to drop. I also lost 2.75 inches and 1 BMI point. 2 of those 2.75 inches came off my hips! It's amazing! My butt is shrinking. I was finally able to purchase size 20 jeans. I wear a size 20 in most things though they are beginning to be a little bit big. I'm attempting to keep the same clothes (at least work clothes) through the end of the year. I have added to my casual wardrobe a bit and it is so nice to wear jeans and sweaters on the weekends. It's been a very long time since I was able to wear anything but skirts and dresses.

The emotional rollercoaster is not getting any easier as time passes. Occasionally I’ll get compliments which are still difficult to accept. I hope I’m getting better at that. But for me, I only seem to be able to focus on the 73 pounds that I still need to lose. Right now my next goal is to weigh less than 200 pounds. 34 pounds to that goal. At this rate, it will be May 2007 before I reach that goal. I’m not sure, however, how to speed it up. There doesn’t seem to be much more I can do. I can’t really eat less and I’m going to the gym at least four days each week. Somewhere, I’ll just have to find that patience that is so elusive. I do trust that I will continue to lose weight, it’s just not on my timetable!

I continue to see a therapist once a month to help with all of the emotional stuff. It’s extremely beneficial for me. Unfortunately, my insurance will not cover the expense after the next few visits. Apparently, I am too functional! If I was crying all of the time or not able to work, then they would cover the sessions. Without the insurance, each session would be $90. Ugh! Maybe I’ll try every two months for a while and see how that goes.

I had my 8 month follow-up visit with the bariatric program at DHMC last week. My labs look great. No deficiencies at all and my iron came back up. It was fine at 4 months, but a little bit lower than previously. I do well taking my vitamins and have established a routine that works well for me. For those curious about what I take at 8 months out, here is a list: 600 mg Calcium twice a day (without other vitamins to aid in absorption), 60 mg Iron once per day (Ferro Sequels), 500 mcg B12 once per day, women’s multivitamin (generic brand) once per day, 500 mg Vitamin C once per day (with the Iron to aid in absorption) and 1 Colace (generic)once per day to keep me from being constipated. I’ve had several people ask me if these vitamins are expensive. They really aren’t. I usually get 2 months out of a bottle. They seem to run out at different times so I may buy a bottle of something every two or three weeks. The iron is the most expensive.

The dietician and nurse practioner were very pleased with my progress. I’ve lost 49% of my excess weight which is apparently right on track. I’m not sure they would tell me if it wasn’t! I argued with my dietician a little. She told me I should cut down on my protein and increase my vegetables and fruits. I get between 90 and 100 grams of protein a day. Everything I’ve read says that bariatric patients really do need protein. The vitamins I take should cover the nutrients I need that I would get from additional veggies. I do eat fruit and vegetables daily. I’m just afraid that if I cut back on the protein consumption, I would be hungrier. Maybe I’ll try it for a few days and see what happens. She is supposed to be the expert. It just isn’t intuitive to me to reduce the protein.

I leave tomorrow for London for a business trip. It’s wonderful to prepare for a trip without worrying about ANYTHING! I know that I will fit in the plane seats. I will be able to use my lap tray and my laptop on the plane. I intend to walk, walk, walk while looking at venues for an event in January and I also plan to sneak in some sightseeing. I’m not worried about all of the walking at all. I’m not even worried about food. I’ll take along protein bars and I’m sure I can eat fairly well. I hope it’s a fun trip!

So to sum up, I’m very healthy in body. I’m still working on the healthy mind and spirit thing. I suspect that will be an ongoing process. Perhaps next month I’ll weigh in the 220s! I would love that!

Be well everyone and Happy Thanksgiving!

Stephanie

 

Stats

Height: 5ft. 7 ½ in.

Starting Weight: 350 lbs.

Surgery Date Weight: 316 lbs.

Current Weight: 239 lbs.

WLS Weight Goal: 208 lbs. (70% of excess weight)    

Personal Weight Goal: 160 lbs.

Current Size: 20 Women’s

Personal Size Goal: 12 Regular

Current BMI: 37.4

Personal BMI Goal: Normal <24.9

Pounds lost since surgery: 77 lbs.

Total Pounds Lost: 111 lbs.

Total Inches Lost: 42.25

Seven Months Post-Op
Well, here it is seven months post-op. In the past month I've lost 7 pounds, 2.5 inches and 1.1 points in BMI. I'm a little under whelmed by the inches for the month! I began going to the gym on September 5th and anticipated a much larger loss in inches for the month. I went for 5 or 6 days each week and did 3 days of weight training and 2 to 3 days of cardio. I'm not certain why the inches didn't decrease more than they did. 

I was working out with a personal trainer for the month of September. When I arrived for my workout last week, he informed me that he was not going to be training anymore. Ugh! I was so upset. It took so much courage for me to walk into the gym and workout with him. Not to mention the daily workouts next to buff guys with big muscles! I felt abandoned and like I should give up. It took all that I had to go to the gym the next morning. But I went. And, I will continue to go. Everything I've ever read or heard says that regular exercise must be a part of your daily routine. I'm going to try it on my own through the end of the year. If I don't feel that I have progressed well, I'll look for another trainer. I did get to the point where I actually don't mind going. But, if I don't go first thing in the morning...FORGET IT! 

Month seven has been hard. Very hard. I've dealt with far more depression and tears than I have in the past six months. I realized that at the rate I am losing, I will not meet my goal of weighing 199 by my year anniversary. Bummer! It just seems so very slow. I'm not sure what else I can do. I'm exercising. I'm eating well (not perfectly, but mostly in line). I certainly can't eat less. I think that would be unhealthy. My body is obviously going to take its own sweet time with this. 

The fall is always a crazy time for me at work. Plus, I'm taking a class that is so demanding. I think these two things have made my life more stressful than usual and it also makes me want to eat more. I haven't done too badly with managing these urges. So I am proud of myself for that. 

People tell me how good I look often. It's nice to hear, but difficult to see. I know that I now have collarbones. I can feel them and see them sometimes as well. There have been a few acquaintances that have not recognized me on the street. That's always kind of fun! 

I'm still feeling healthy and taking those vitamins! There are times when I'd really like to skip them! But, I know that is dangerous. I'm actually developing a few muscles in my arms and legs and my butt has shrunk too! I love that part! I would love to wear a size 18 soon. Maybe by Christmas? Who knows. My 20s are becoming a little loose but I've tried 18s and they are too tight to wear in public. 

Overall I'm happy with my progress. I just struggle with the rate at which I am losing and also feeling as if I will not meet my goals. But, I'm determined. So we will see where I end up!

Stephanie

Stats

Height: 5ft. 7 ½ in.

Starting Weight: 350 lbs.

Surgery Date Weight: 316 lbs.

Current Weight: 246 lbs.

WLS Weight Goal: 208 lbs. (70% of excess weight)    

Personal Weight Goal: 160 lbs.

Current Size: 20 Women’s

Personal Size Goal: 12 Regular

Current BMI: 38.5

Personal BMI Goal: Normal <24.9

Pounds lost since surgery: 70 lbs.

Total Pounds Lost: 104 lbs.

Total Inches Lost: 39.75

Six Months Post-Op
It’s unbelievable to me that six months have passed since my surgery. I have undergone such tremendous change! The summer is over and the leaves are beginning to turn here in New Hampshire . Typically, I am anxious for fall to begin. But this year I am wishing for more summer. For the first time in so many years I feel like summer belongs in my life. I used to simply wish summer away. After all, it’s hot outside and in order to stay cool you need to at least wear short sleeves. When you are 350 pounds, short sleeves are a nightmare. I wonder what next summer will be like?

Everything is progressing well in my life. I only lost six pounds this month. That was a bit of a disappointment. I know, however, that the weight loss will definitely slow. I also lost 4.5 inches in the last month. This brings my total weight loss since surgery to 70 pounds and my total inches lost to 39.75. I’m pretty happy with that. I realize that it’s a lot less than most others who had surgery around the same time as I did. I suppose my body is simply on its own track and will lose as it wants to. I have 86 pounds to lose to reach my goal of 160 pounds. It still seems like a LOT of weight to lose!

Let’s focus on the positive! I’m wearing a size 20 now in all of my clothes. It’s been so long since I’ve worn this size. I think I was wearing a 22 when I met my husband almost 12 years ago. It’s strange to think that he has never seen me this size. I feel really healthy lately. I am confident in my food choices. This doesn’t mean that I always make the right choices. There are times when a cookie sneaks its way into my daily intake, but the majority of the days I eat responsibly. I average between 950 and 1100 calories each day which is comprised of approximately 25% fat, 39% carbs and 36% protein. Gotta love fitday.com! I still track my food intake on most days. In fact, I usually input my intake in the morning before I actually begin eating. This helps me plan snacks too. It gives me a great picture of where my calories are coming from before I ever put anything in my mouth. I’m also less likely to eat something unplanned because I know it will upset my totals for the day. If you don’t use fitday.com, I highly recommend it. It’s free!

Did you know that in the past month, hell has frozen over?!? It truly has! I once commented that hell would probably freeze over before I could get myself on a regular exercise regimen. Well, I have. I joined the gym in my town and have engaged the services of a personal trainer. I meet with him once a week and get my marching orders. Then I hit the gym at least four of the remaining six days and do both strength training and cardio workouts. Here’s the real surprise, I don’t hate it! I haven’t seen a ton of results yet as I’ve only been at it a couple of weeks. But boy do I feel it! I have worked muscles I didn’t even know I had. I walk around in a bit of pain, but it is a good kind of pain. (yes, there is such a thing!) I go in the mornings at 5:30 and spend anywhere from forty-five minutes to an hour working out. This works well for me. If I tried to go in the evening, I would never make it! I like having the trainer to help me be accountable. I know that he wants to see progress every week so I make sure I make it to the gym almost every day. So far, this strategy is working. I hope to build muscle and tone this flabby body. Also, I hope the extra exercise helps keep the momentum of the weight loss. We’ll see what happens.

Other areas in my life are going well. Job, home life and other stuff is great. We were so busy this summer and were seldom home. I loved it. Such a difference from last year! My husband is very proud of me and continues to offer encouragement. I’m still dealing with the changes in my body and how people relate to me. I’m very thankful for that once a month meeting with my therapist to help me deal with these things. One of the most interesting things is how people relate to me. There are people at work who did not speak to me for the entire two plus years I have been there. They are now popping in my office. I have to ask myself why? What’s different, other than my appearance? I’m still the same. Sometimes it’s difficult not to be angry with these people. But I’m working through this issue and trying to understand that my body may have changed, but my spirit has not.

I’ve started classes toward my degree again. I have 10 left until I graduate with a bachelor’s degree in business management. I’m determined to finish this time. I really need to do this for my professional life. I’ll be so much more marketable with that silly piece of paper. So homework is again part of my life. It’s tough to juggle school and a demanding full time job. I constantly tell myself that I am not considered a failure if I don’t make an A in the class. I struggle constantly with perfectionism and therefore put enormous pressure on myself to achieve goals that are often unattainable. One wonders how I could be a perfectionist and allow my body to get into such an imperfect state! Quite the dichotomy! I do feel, however, that I will be able to handle classes and work much better now that I have 100 pounds less to carry around with me.

The journey continues. I feel as if I’ve come a long way in six months. And, I also know I have a long way to go. Thanks to everyone for their encouragement in this wild journey!

Stephanie

Below are a few WOWs that I experienced during my recent trip to Los Angeles and also to the New England Patriots football game.

- Airplane travel is no longer something to dread, fear and lose sleep over! I fit quite well in the airline seats now. I didn’t crowd the person next to me that much and managed two six hour flights without becoming terribly uncomfortable. I even got up and went to the bathroom. Prior to surgery, I would wedge myself into the seat and not move until landing. I hated having to ask other passengers to get up from their seat to allow me to leave my window seat. I also was able to use my laptop on the plane for the first time. Typically, I am unable to lower the tray enough to put drinks or anything else on it. This time my stomach was not in the way! It was just so much easier to deal with the whole flight.

- While working my events, I did not feel like anyone was looking at me due to my size. For the first time, I felt “normal”. It was an amazing feeling! I want more, more, more of that!

- I kept up with the group while walking on venue tours and also when walking a couple of miles to a restaurant. I was right in the middle of the pack and no one needed to wait for me to catch up.

- While riding the elevator in our hotel, several more guests entered the elevator with their baggage. It was full. One person commented that he was glad we were all slim so that we could fit. I thought to myself, “is he nuts?! I’m not slim!” And, I’m really not “slim” but I’m certainly slimmer than previously and I’m quite sure he never would have said that if I weighed 350 pounds!

- I tried alcohol for the first time since surgery. I drank half of a cosmopolitan and managed just fine. I don’t think I would drink more than that in a work scenario but it was nice to sip something while everyone else did. I am very aware of the effects of alcohol on the post WLS body and also the addiction transfer issues that I am susceptible to. I’ll definitely keep imbibing to a minimum!

- I had so many compliments on my appearance when I dressed for our black tie event. It was nice to be the one ooohed and ahhhed over for a change. I felt comfortable in my outfit and felt like I belonged there. That’s a first for me as well. For so long I’ve felt as if I didn’t deserve to be seen at these types of events.

- I managed to eat fairly well while away and I also took most of my vitamins. Somehow, however, I did gain two and a half pounds! I’m not sure why that happened. I didn’t eat more than usual. Perhaps it was water retention from traveling or something. I was a little stressed to arrive home and discover this gain but it seems to be coming back off. Whew!

- My husband and I went to the Patriots football game this weekend. It was so nice to KNOW, without a doubt, that I would fit in the seats! I can’t tell you what a relief that is.

- Our seats were in the nosebleed section! We were at the very top row of the stadium. I walked up 26 steep steps to our seats. Several times! I was only a little bit out of breath. My husband was out of breath too. I felt so proud of myself. Before surgery I definitely would have needed at least one break for that many stairs.

- I wore my size 20 pants and a men’s LARGE polo shirt to the game!

- My shirt was short sleeved and it grew quite cold over the course of the evening. My husband and I went down to one of the clothing shops in the stadium and bought two long sleeved shirts. I loved being able to do that. At 350 pounds, I would have just had to suffer through it. They never would have had shirts big enough to fit me.

Lately, I feel so free! We’ve done so much this summer. Many of the outings are things I never would have done before. Next weekend we’re headed to Maine to hang out with some friends. They’ve been trying to get us to come to Maine for several years but I always felt too fat to go. Now, I don’t mind going at all! I’m so thankful to be shrinking and experiencing more of life than I have in a very long time.

Stephanie

Stats

Height: 5ft. 7 ½ in.

Starting Weight: 350 lbs.

Surgery Date Weight: 316 lbs.

Current Weight: 252 lbs.

WLS Weight Goal: 208 lbs. (70% of excess weight)    

Personal Weight Goal: 160 lbs.

Current Size: 22 Women’s

Personal Size Goal: 12 Regular

Current BMI: 39.5

Personal BMI Goal: Normal <24.9

Pounds lost since surgery: 64 lbs.

Total Pounds Lost: 98 lbs.

Total Inches Lost: 35.25

Five Months Post-Op

It’s hard to believe five months have passed since surgery! I’m coming very close to being down 100 pounds since I began this journey. Two pounds away! I wish it would get here already. I was hoping to achieve this goal by today. So close!

There’s not much to report since last month. Things are still going very well. I’m pleased with my progress and hopeful that I’ll continue to lose. I do find myself wondering if the weight will stop coming off soon. I’m definitely afraid of that! Once I reach my current goal, my next goal will be to weigh less than 200 pounds. I think that the last time I weighed below 200 was my senior year in high school. I was trying to figure out what size I wore when I met my husband. I think it was a 22 or 24. I know that soon I will be smaller than he has ever seen me!

I’m headed to Los Angeles for a work trip today. I am determined to get all of my vitamins in on this trip. My last trip was a disaster as far as vitamins go! I’m also going to try to drink more water. Traveling is always an adventure, but add in WLS and you get double the fun!

I’m ready to feel strong. I know that sounds weird, but lately I’ve been feeling thinner but also weaker. I am going to try to begin some weight training when I return from Los Angeles and see if that helps me feel stronger. Hopefully it will also help the skin situation. Oh my! My skin is hanging and is so ugly! I know it’s part of the process, but YIKES! As noted above, I’ve had quite a bit of hair loss and needed to cut my hair. I do like it shorter but I really like the fact that I don’t have long strands of hair in the drain after every shower. I just have short strands to worry about!

Time to head for the plane. It’s wonderful to know, without a doubt, that I will fit in the airplane seat and I can leave that seat belt extender at home!

Until next month, Stephanie

Stats

Height: 5ft. 7 ½ in.

Starting Weight: 350 lbs.

Surgery Date Weight: 316 lbs.

Current Weight: 260 lbs.

WLS Weight Goal: 208 lbs. (70% of excess weight)    

Personal Weight Goal: 160 lbs.

Current Size: 22 Women’s

Personal Size Goal: 12 Regular

Current BMI: 40.7

Personal BMI Goal: Normal <24.9

Pounds lost since surgery: 56 lbs.

Total Pounds Lost: 90 lbs.

Total Inches Lost: 31.75

Four Months Post-Op
Yikes! I’m very late in posting results for my fourth month post-op. My work world has been a bit busy and hasn’t left me much time for posting or updating. Surgery was July 7th and I am happy with my progress thus far. On July 12th I had my four month follow-up appointment with my bariatric program. I met with both the dietician and the nurse practitioner. They were very pleased with my results. I have lost 37% of my excess weight and am knocking on the door of the century club! All of my blood work was perfect. They both seemed happy with the types of food I was eating and my average caloric intake per day. I typically average 800 calories each day. Those calories are comprised of 60 -70 grams of protein, approximately 35 grams of fat and 70 – 80 grams of carbohydrates. I was concerned about the fat grams consumed each day. I know I should be closer to 28. But the dietician and I concluded that they were “good” fat grams and I shouldn’t stress over a few extra. I was encouraged to increase my carb intake to 100 per day.

We talked a lot about my diet. I feel like I eat very, very normally. I usually eat oatmeal and fruit for breakfast, deli meat with crackers and light cheese for lunch and lean meat (beef, shrimp, fish, chicken, pork) for dinner with a vegetable of some kind. If I want a snack, I’ll have almonds or a NSA Fudgsicle. I occasionally have potatoes, seldom eat rice (and then just a few bites) and do stay away from pasta on a regular basis. I will also occasionally have sugar. I’ve had a cookie once in a while and also a small piece of cake. Those indulgences don’t seem to bother my pouch so I’m not truly sure if I dump or not. My diet seems to be less restrictive than others which concerned me for a while. But I hope that I am creating eating habits for life and my choices seem to be working for the moment.

I am learning that overeating is a behavior that is not dependent on the size of your stomach. If I eat to the point of being uncomfortable, I have overeaten regardless of a normal stomach or a small pouch. I have overeaten a few times and been uncomfortable enough that I want to lie down. I am trying to teach myself that cleaning my plate is no longer a “must”! It’s okay to leave food on your plate. It really is!

I am definitely wearing a size 22 now. In fact, I ordered a dress which arrived the other day and wondered if I should have ordered a 20. The 22 fits and is a little big in some places. I don’t think it will fit for long. Thankfully it was on sale! This clothing game can be expensive. I feel much better in my clothes and am wearing pants all the time now. I am still self conscious about my body. Maybe I always will be. I have no concept of what size I really am. I didn’t understand that at 350 pounds either. I am always walking around looking at other people and wondering if I am smaller or larger than they are. Obviously, I don’t have that problem with people who are size 2, the answer to that is quite apparent! But I really don’t understand what size my body is. It’s a very strange thing.

My hair is still falling out. It’s very disconcerting! I’ve been told that it will continue to depart my head for another three months or so. Yikes! Thankfully I had a lot to start with. Alas, a shorter haircut is in my future. It’s getting too stringy at the ends to keep this length. I now use the lint brush to remove my own hair from my clothes as much as I do to remove cat hair that my long-haired cats may leave behind!

Emotionally I’m doing fairly well. I see my therapist about once a month and that helps me deal with the changes. Recently I’ve been quite fearful. I lock doors that I never locked before. My dreams are often filled with fear and typically involve me trying to hide from someone. I understand that as I lose weight, my psyche may tell me that I become more vulnerable. It’s an interesting phenomenon. The fear is certainly not paralyzing. It’s just kind of lurking in the background. We’ll continue to work on it and attempt to resolve it by discerning its root. Otherwise, I’m in good spirits and pleased with my state of mind.

Fatigue is still somewhat of an issue. The past two weeks have been a little better. I’m not sure what it stems from. My iron and B12 levels were in line. I thought that maybe those might be out of whack and causing fatigue. It is manageable. I just need extra sleep sometimes. I am usually wiped out by Wednesday every week and am in bed by 7:30 p.m. It doesn’t inhibit much, but does impact my ability to exercise consistently. I’d like to exercise every morning at 5:00 a.m. when I get up with my husband. Most mornings, however, I need to go back to sleep until 7:00 a.m. It’s frustrating!

I feel very healthy after four months. I know I eat well. My body carries around 90 pounds less than it used to. I do have more energy and can keep up with housework, etc. I did well pounding the pavement in NYC recently. It was hot! And, I walked all over for two days as well as climbed stairs. I’m very thankful to still be complication free. It’s been four months of change, but it’s been the good kind of change!

Till next time, Stephanie

Stats

Height: 5ft. 7 ½ in.

Starting Weight: 350 lbs.

Surgery Date Weight: 316 lbs.

Current Weight: 272 lbs.

WLS Weight Goal: 208 lbs. (70% of excess weight)    

Personal Weight Goal: 160 lbs.

Current Size: 24 Women’s

Personal Size Goal: 12 Regular

Current BMI: 42.6

Personal BMI Goal: Normal <24.9

Pounds lost since surgery: 44 lbs.

Total Pounds Lost: 78 lbs.

Total Inches Lost: 24.75

Three Months Post-Op
Well, it’s been three months since my surgery on March 7, 2006. I’m not sure if that was a long time ago or yesterday. Time is a strange creature. I’ve lost 13 pounds in the last month. That seems like such a low, low number! I’m down a total of 78 pounds since I began this journey. That number is more tolerable. I’ve lost almost 25 inches. That seems like a large number and yet I don’t really see the difference in my own body. Nothing much to report this month. I need to get back on track with recording my food intake. I’ve been lazy and haven’t focused on using FitDay.com like I should. This means that I can’t be sure I’m getting in at least 60 grams of protein daily and also that I don’t have a clue how many calories I’m consuming. I haven’t changed my eating much from last month so I assume I consume between 600 and 700 calories each day. I do try to eat fruit daily and also start my day with oatmeal. I’ve still been extremely fortunate in that nothing seems to bother my pouch. I eat whatever I like. I do not eat sugar (except for the sugar in fruit) and still stay away from many carbs. So far, so good in the food arena.

I had my first experience with my inability to use food as a coping mechanism the other day. I had a rough day at work. Previously, as in before surgery, I would hit a fast food drive through for lunch when I was having a bad day. I would bring (or purchase) a book and go through McDonalds or Wendy’s. I’m sure I would easily consume 1,000 calories in that meal alone. But it was comforting to sit in my car, read and eat. Also, that meant I didn’t have to think about whatever was bothering me. So as I sat at my desk, I tried to determine what else I could do. Where could I go? I couldn’t go through the drive through. I didn’t really have extra money to go shopping. It was difficult. I was very unsettled and fidgeted continuously. Ugh. Not fun at all! It didn’t seem like leaving the office made sense at all so I sat at my desk and ate my taco soup for lunch. Eventually the need to comfort myself departed and I managed to make it through the rest of the day. I’m not sure what I’ll do the next time this happens. But I need to figure something out!

I seem to be a bit depressed lately. It’s nothing that inhibits my ability to function. It just lurks there on the edges of me. Perhaps it’s the fact that it has rained here for the last five years! Well, that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but it has rained for a long time. I’m ready to see the sun and maybe even feel it on my face!

So my goals for this month (I’ve decided to set monthly goals that have nothing to do with the numbers on the scale but will help me be successful nonetheless.) are:

•Track my food intake in FitDay every day

•Exercise more

•Find some ways to comfort myself that have nothing to do with food or shopping

That’s it for now. Three month post-op pictures are below. But I have to say, they don’t look ANY different from the two month post-op pictures!

Till next month, Stephanie