SmallTownGuy
I have been battling with my weight for forty years. For my first few years, I was pretty much "regular" sized, but at around age 7, I started to get big. At first I was just "chunky" but soon enough had a big belly and boy boobs. At school and at camp, the other boys teased me, calling me names like "tub of lard" and suggesting that I should get a bra. One of my father's friends would poke my belly and laugh about my "spare tire [that was] big enough for a bus." This may have given them some kind of enjoyment, but didn't do much for my self-esteem. Over the next years I continued my unhealthy relationship with food. If the kids picked on me at school, I went straight my Grandmother's cookie jar. Likewise if I squabbled with my brother or sister, or got into trouble with my parents. When I felt stressed, sad, or lonely, I turned to a friend that was always there, always predictable, always satifsying...food.
During my junior year in high school, I weighed about 220 lbs. Painfully shy around girls, I was convinced that if I could only lose some weight, I would instantly gain the confidence of Cassanova as I shed my unwanted fat. This was the first time that I went "on a diet." The magic diet that year was a no-carb diet, and I embarked on it with high hopes. It was surprisingly easy, and within months I had lost nearly 70 lbs. It was so easy, in fact, that I could even "cheat" every now & then, and then, somehow, I just slipped back into my old way of eating. As they say, the rest is history. Two years later I was right back where I started, and even tacked on a few extra for good measure.
Through my early and mid twenties my weight went up a little, down a little, but overall stayed about the same. When I was 27, I became engaged to a wonderful girl. We decided to get ready for our wedding by going to Weight Watchers and I lost 60-70 lbs. When we walked down the aisle we were the best looking couple in town.
Well, here it is, 19 years and 3 teenagers later. I've been on and off Atkins, Nutrisystem, SlimFast, South Beach, and Weight Watchers (again.) All together I've lost and regained over 400 lbs, and at the moment I'm about 130 lbs more than I was when I got married. I really have been pretty healthy, except for issues that are caused by or exacerbated by my weight. At age 47 I realized that if I wanted to look forward to the next twenty or thirty years, things like watching my kids grow up, and spending some pleasant retirement years, I needed to lose weight for good and improve my health.
I have tried just about every diet out there, and the yo-yo factor has been so discouraging. Everyone has given me their own advice: "You just need discipline." "It's all about will-power." "Never eat after the sun goes down." "You gotta stop eatin' candy." "Avoid anything white." "Just eat fruit for three days a week." As well-meaning as most of these people are, this type of advice really doesn't do any good. In fact, maybe it just makes me feel stupid, because if it's all as simple as that, how come I can't do it?
My wife had GBS two years ago, and it's given her a fresh start. I learned about the procedures with her, and we had discussed going through her program together. I didn't do it at that time, perhaps just convincing myself that I could do it on my own (although "doing it on my own" corresponded with about a 30 lb weight gain.
So here I am, at a crossroads. And I'm making a decision for the better. I could say to believe in myself, but more to the point, loving myself in spite of my shortcomings, and doing the best I can to improve my health
