Dear Celeste,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. It has hit me hard. It's the first loss on this board since I had my surgery on 3-3-03 (I think)It's the first one I've read about in "real time". Bless her family, and you! I do know that if given the choice again, I would do it. I would rather have faced death than continue being obese. That is my personal feeling. I feel that obesity is a form of slow death anyway. Again, my feelings.
Now, as for you having this surgery, it is YOUR journey and yours alone. If you can find some quite time each day try and silence the "what ifs" in your mind and listen to your heart's desire. Remember the statistics (which are low) for death also. I will send you peace from this evening forward until your surgery date. All my best wishes to you my dear!